For a while my wife and I had sex 2-3 times a week. Then it went to once a week. Now it's about every 6-8 weeks. Too much stress and goings on lately. Can't wait to get back to a regular schedule. Lord knows I could use the attention. It really makes me question...

It's not about the frequency well I dont think healthy sexuality is about that. In my addiction, I could have sex every day and it still wouldn;t be enough. In my recovery, it doesn't matter how often I have sex. I suppose somewhere between those two extremes is a healthy sex life but for me, it is not about how often. It vis about being intimately connected with my partner and sharing that intimacy in whatever way feels appropriate at the time. That could mean every day for a while or it could mean abstinence for a time to allow for the busi-ness of life and other priorities.

It is confusing except I know one thing. Sex in recovery is nothing like sex in addiction and I will take the former whatever that means about how often.

Its been a busy month choose, and i can't remember the exact number sorry :)

Some weeks it may be 3 times a week, and some weeks it maybe once. All depends on timing and outside factors (3 kids & 7 day business).

During the height of his addiction he would come daily, but he can now go comfortably a week between comes without it controlling his every thought. Yeah!!

Some weeks we get busy, i may have thrush or its that time of the month, and sex just isn't going to happen. I am always aware of how many days it is mentally and will ask if he is coping okay. If he isn't, i will accomodate him in other ways.
Honesty, communication, and compromise has really helped us in recovery.

Finally found a woman whose drive matches, and damn near rivals, my own :) Due to our schedules with work and our kids, except for a fast "afternoon delite" meeting at home during the week we usually just have the weekends together, but we pack a lot into that weekend lol Usually about 3-4 times in a weekend. We're looking forward to an active, daily sex life when the time comes for us to be able to get a home together.

A disappointing 1-2 times a week. My husband works in a high stress job and just isn't in the mood during the week.

Well, I guess we are now down to zero. Our average was usually twice a week, sometimes three... and I was happy with that but since our latest *incident* I've come to the conclusion that I really cannot, in good conscience, have unprotected sex with him anymore so I bought condoms and told him we'll be using them from now on and he is not happy with that decision.

So it's been 2, 3 weeks? I don't know how long this will last. He was visibly agitated last night which means he'll blow in a few days...probably this weekend? So we'll see. I really hope I don't have to spend the next 2, 3 years without sex.

Starrbright,

Just a first reaction. We men SA's or not seldom hear honest desire for sex from our women. It is usually reaction to our out of control appitites or fained resistance. I think honesty regarding your concern about STD's is very reasonable. I also think that expressing what you did hear in a non threatening, critical or judgemental way to your husband can create some empathy and understanding of your needs.

Just a thought. Thanks for the data.

It completely depends on the week. But over the course of a month, I'd say it averages out to 2 times a week.

Well, right now we're doing celibacy for his recovery. But after he became honest, and we became really close again (but before celibacy) we were usually intimate every day. I have never felt pressured to do it, I think the frequency is more becuase we really did fall in love all over again through this process, and we just felt really close. Also, he has a job where he's home everyday at 3 or 4 and I am a full time student, so we had a lot more time than some couples. Also, we are both young (I am 23 and he is 28) with no kids, and not much "life stress" other than the addiction. So it will probably decrease with time, but (before the celibacy) it was every day.

with my spouse? for the most part of feb, we did it 3 times a week. of course, there was one week that we only did it once. it all depends on how his back is feeling to be honest.

1-2 times a week....but I would like for it to be daily.
I WISH I had "constant pressure from my husband for sex"....The roles in our marriage are pretty reversed. If I didn't initiate, I'm not sure if we would ever have sex. The frustration from lack of attention/affection/sex, often leads me to other outlets. And whoever came up with this whole concept of, "talk to him about your needs", has obviously never met my husband. I have tried to have this conversation a million times and no matter how I approach the topic he always gets angry, defensive and claims, "there's no pleasing me". And no matter what I say, he never changes anything.

With my partner and I, its never. I can get her off..and thats all. She will never even touch me. Last time this happened was like four weeks ago. I'm lucky to have intercourse once every six months, if that..

Sounds like someone is trying once again to establish what his wife (and he) ought to want, ought to do, ought to provide. I don't think a marriage can be run on 'average'. But i could be wrong. Is it working?

Actually, we have been doing what most others have said on this survey of mine. 2-3 times a week seems reasonable for most, low for some, elating for others but not an unreasonable amount. I have two issues. First, it is very frustraiting for me that I have no idea what or when something is going to happen and am indited for wanting to settle into a agreement. It is so controlling to want to agree on something like how often we will have sex. So I am left to wonder when it will happen most of the time. For a sex addict this is a bit more pressure than is cofortable. So I have suggested a time of abstinance so I can deal with the underlying issues that still haunt me reagarding my needs or wants for sex. It is far more clear than it was while I was acting out, but still seems to be the same type of interacting. As long as I do not piss her off, it MIGHT happen. If I "Make her angry" - mind you her anger is my responsibility, then all bets are off. So egg shells it is if I have any desire to have sex.

Making love is another matter, there for a while she was taking responsibility for her own desires, but that was short lived. during that time it was very intimate and real, But it seems much easier to just avoid her issues by blaming me for being sex crazed when I want it, or for making her angry when she does not want it. A simple "Yes" or "NO" would be much more palatable. HMMM who ever said "make your yes yes and your no no anything beyond this is evil?" I wonder.

It sounds like you both need to really internalize the needs of the other one. From your explanation I can see how hard it is for you to have uncertainty, from hers I know how nauseating it is to feel obligated about such an intimate part of your life. Anger is being generated on both sides and that certainly can't help.
Maybe think back to what was going on at the time things were going right? Have you two discussed that time? Have you expressed to her how nice that was for you, and how you'd like to get back there?