we all felt this way,
What if we see someone we know.
what if these people are better than me
what if these people are worse than me
what if they laugh at me
what if they curse me
im not like them
they don't know my troubles.

All these though and more run through your head.

but being honest and taking the steps to admit your problem means you are looking for a solution and there is one, and an easy how to manual too.

I pray for your safe recovery.

I pray for your safe recovery

A support group seems to be vital to recovery from what I've read online..

Your post resonates with me. January 2013 was my first meeting w/an SAA group. Admitting I was a SEX/PORN ADDICT was not exactly a reason to throw a party for myself. I was going to a meeting full of them. Would we all be wearing raincoats? HOORAY :-(. I was below rock-bottom.

I can now say without hesitation that it was the best thing I could've done. That first meeting was the beginning of an entirely new life. The men I met in that group were just like me. They were decent, intelligent, well-meaning people with flaws who were working hard to make their lives better. As someone who carried deep shame, who'd seriously jeopardized my marriage, and who was staring into an abyss, I can't describe how good it felt to be vulnerable to others who were like me and understood my situation.

I hated myself and I felt if anyone knew the real me, they'd hate me too. Thus, being honest and vulnerable was terrifying. Acting out in secret felt better in the short term but it was poisonous. What an interesting experience it was to invert those tendencies. Being vulnerable and honest not only in the group but to my wife and select friends felt was what lifted me out of the deep hole I was in. Working with a wonderful sponsor and a therapist plus group meetings has helped me live a life I didn't know was possible. I learned to forgive myself, trust myself, and love myself (Those concepts weren't natural to me AT ALL. That kind of talk always felt like trite platitudes. I feel very differently now that I understand and have applied those ideas in my life.)

I can only give you my experience. I won't tell you to do one thing or another. Your process will unfold differently than others.' It will be difficult at times. You're extremely brave to be doing what you're doing, and I believe you're on the right path.

I'd be interested to know, how did the meeting go for you?

@ckn First I just want to say thank you so much for saying that. It means a lot to hear it and to hear how well you’re doing now.

I ended up not being able to go :( I was getting ready to leave and my fiancé said she was surprised that they’re still doing in person meetings with covid so I gave them a call and they’re not doing it rn.

Nothing was posted on the website but their voicemail said no meetings.

I sent them an email and I also emailed my old priest asking if I could set a time to talk. SA hasn’t responded yet but I’m meeting with my priest next Tuesday to tell him what’s going on and ask him for advice.

I wondered about that too... I'm looking for a group in the Philly area that actually meets.

I am thankful we have meetings that are face to face, I get to go 5 times a week, I could go 3 more times but they are really early in the mornings.
I will actually miss fri, Saturday, and Sunday meetings, due to traveling out of town to see family.
But I am taking my books to read.

JP_Cross: Sorry to hear the meeting was canceled but I'm not surprised. I feel for addicts right now in that the pandemic enforces our tendency to isolate. Have you looked into online meetings? I assume there are some out there. I hope your priest can help you. Best of luck.

Hey man, not sure if your group does it but maybe dig around on their site and have a look about online meetings. It's not SA, but the SLAA chapter where I am does Zoom meetings which have honestly been a life saver in these times.