Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

3,359 Members

6,112 Posts

0 Online

cindy666 06/07/2007

I think I may be one. I've always enjoyed looking at online porn, particularly sex-in-public, non-commercial stuff. I am married but feel my relationship with my husband is more like with a brother or roommate. Last Sep I started chatting on irc and did cybersex as kind of a lark. Anyway, I hooked up with one particular man from Europe and we met daily, often several times. Sometimes it added up to 6 or more hours a day! I was even getting up at 4 am to cyber with him for an hour or so and then going back to bed. I also allowed him to phone me whenever it was safe to do so. When we chatted last on Monday, we had a minor disagreement and I have not seen him since. I feel devastated that after 8 monthes it can end so suddenly. I also worry that maybe he can't come online..that he is hurt or sick etc. I am a mess, crying anytime I am alone and able to, not eating etc. I think my reaction is way out of proportion and that is what makes me think I am an addict. Over the monthes I have sent some pics his way (the ones of my body do not show my face, but he has 'clean' ones also). He promised he deleted the naked ones after looking, but who knows? So I also have the worry that, because of my own stupidity in sending him pics, my life could be ruined if he turns out to be angry with me and spiteful. I thought I was 'in love'...but can you be in love with someone you don't know in real? Am I an addict do you think? If this is truly the end of the line with this man, I definitely do not want to repeat the pattern. Thanks for your advice...I realize that, being married to a very decent man, I probably deserve a kick in the butt. I will accept any that you want to give me...

deleted_user 06/08/2007

You asked if it's possible to love online. In my opinion, Yes. I've had two relationships online and on the phone and I loved each girl and still love each girl even though we're not together.

You needa be careful with pics because if you find the wrong man, chances are, he might post the pics or mpegs online.

It's hard to say because everyone is different.Being married to a decent man doesn't mean you deserve a kick in the ass. If you like porn/sex, ask your man how he feels about it. Don't cheat unless he's abusive. Open his eyes up to life and both you-n-him enjoy each other.

deleted_user 06/08/2007

We all escape one way or the other online.
Reading sports, playing video games online, or posting in groups.

But, when it becomes more of your "real" life than your real life? That may be something to check out.

As far as online activity - and believe me, as an addict I didn't live by it formerly. Not that I had online relationships, just the time I spent online with crap. Anyway, here's my new rule - if I can't do it in front of my wife & child, I don't need to do it.
That's it. It can never lead to bad if it's something that I can do in front of them. Maybe I could play a little too much video game, but it doesn't leave me feeling shamed, guilty or anything else.

If you love your husband, take this unexpected break to your wake-up call to escape this and get back on track with your marriage.

I'm not chastising, but just do the math.
You say your relationship with your husband is less than it should be, but at the same time, you say you spend 6 or more hours online with this other guy and arrange parts of your life for his schedule. How could your marriage be anything other than what it is.

I have a teacher who says that the world says that "marriage is a 50-50 effort - you both have to give to make it work". He says that is wrong, you both have to give 100% to make it work.

I hope & pray it works out for you, but God helps those who helps themselves.

Be well,
TH2H

cindy666 06/08/2007

Thank you both for replying. I wish there were an 'edit' function on this board, as I probably said too much, :). I was in really great pain when I posted and it felt cathartic to get it all out.

Yes, sending pics was stupid, but I didn't include my face, as I said. I thought maybe the fact that I sent the pics altho I really didn't want to was a further symptom of addiction. I won't repeat that mistake. I honestly don't think he will post them (he always seemed interested and concerned about my family and I don't think he would want to hurt us), but there's nothing I can do about it now. He also is in a relationship that he obviously ignored to spend hours online with me.

My marriage was already lackluster when I first went on chat, but you are right: I was probably not giving my best effort either. Honestly, I was glad in a way that I fell in love with someone overseas...had he been local, my marriage might already be destroyed. I miss my online lover terribly but it gets easier each day. I want to make things right with my husband. Thanks for listening.

deleted_user 06/08/2007

My guess is that you met for this particular reason, but maybe you were hungering for love and attention. Maybe he didn't see it that way and he just wanted the sex. I think that maybe you gave pieces of your heart to him, and it hurts now that he will not talk to you. Maybe you need some of your heart healed... Just a thought.

cindy666 06/08/2007

It is gut-wrenching actually. It was not just sex on his part either, tho...I know that. Mind you, it was an extremely sexual relationship and I explored things I never have in real. I know I pissed him off last time and maybe he decided it was time to end it, but I do believe he is suffering too. I am hoping not to fall back into cybering with others again, as I did before meeting this particular man. Not an issue right now, as I feel dead inside...but as I finish grieving this 'relationship', I worry that my hyper-sexual nature will come out again.

deleted_user 06/09/2007

Cindy I have done what you've described. Several times. It wasn't and isn't healthy. I certainly don't send anyone any pics that I would be embarassed about, lol. But I understand that when you have a sort of relationship with someone, those things happen. I have felt at times like i was in love with certain people I met online but the truth is that I have OCD and bipolar that are very deeply linked to the sex addiction and sometimes I become more obsessed with the feeling of being "in love" than it being actual love, if that makes any sense, lol. Anyways, anything is possible. But maybe you should focus on why you feel you need this other gratification instead of getting it from your husband. If you ever wanna talk, message me sometime =0)

cindy666 06/09/2007

I have OCD also and definitely tend to get obsessed. I saw in this man many of the same qualities (neuroses) that I have, so we were probably doomed to push each other's buttons (there were other times we fought..but he never disappeared before for more than a couple days). I know I did enjoy the feeling of being in love again, as well as the sexual gratification. I would love to talk sometime. It sounds like you may 'get' me, :). Also that you may have some insight into how to get on with my life.

deleted_user 06/09/2007

I got into the online stuff at one time when my ex kept cheating even though I would think I forgave him. I started chatting on the computer and yes sent some pictures I am not proud I sent. Those picture not only hurt another person, they hurt me too. I was doing things I had never done before in my life. It was because I wasn't happy with my marriage nor happy inside myself. I can say today, I am past that part of my life and happy. I hope others can forgive me for my mistakes but if not only God can work on them. I did my part. ((((((hugs)))) to you.

cindy666 06/10/2007

Thank you for the hugs. I saw him last night. There are problems where he is and he could not come online...and cannot again for a week or two. We did not cyber, just gushed about how happy we were to see each other. I hope I can get stronger in the meantime and resist when he does come back.

cindy666 06/10/2007

I am obsessing. My friend told me last night that he had to be careful, as he was not alone. When the conversation got a little hot, I told him I should let him lead, as I did not want to put him in an awkward position. He read it as 'leave' and left abruptly. He did come back briefly to say that he really did have to leave and would see me soon. Now I worry that he really thinks I wanted him to leave and that I made him feel bad. I should not care, as I am here to try to get away from this situation. How neurotic am I?

deleted_user 06/12/2007

i understand how you feel
ive done it aswell but for different reasons
i liked to feel really wanted
im always scaed that theyll give images of me to someone i know
its not a good feeling

cindy666 06/13/2007

It makes we wonder why we do it, only to worry about it after! I don't think he will post my pics anyway.

I talked to guys last night who wanted to cyber. I really couldn't, only because it felt like 'cheating' on the man I have been obsessing about. How insane is that? I thought that if I cybered with someone else, maybe it would take my mind off it...didn't work. Sigh...I am hopeless.

deleted_user 06/21/2007

you are not hopeless, dont let yourself think that way
you have an issue but at least you realise it
yo will get through

cindy666 06/22/2007

Thank you for believeing I am not hopeless, :). I feel better this week. Have only seen him a couple times in the past two weeks and am starting feel like I can live without him...Maybe I can even get my life back.

cindy666 06/22/2007

Join the Conversation

First
1
2
3
Last