I've heard a lot of positive things about the free online group Recoverynation.

So do any of you ever plan on looking at porn again after your addiction? I know an alcoholic would never drink "just one" for olds times, I used to like porn since the age of 12 at a healthy level... before I REALLY liked it. Is the general consensus to stop completely after?

What induces you to think there's a healthy level?

pobevin, theres debate on that. I say if your addiction still has power over you, you still havent fixed what CAUSED it. I agree with those who say the addiction is a symptom of other things. The exception would be PHYSICALLY addicting things like heroin, xanax, etc. Thats called the psychodynamic model

others go with the "medical" model of addiction that some people are just somehow allergic to whatever they are addicted to, and a "safe" level of alcohol, porn, gambling etc would be like a safe level of peanuts for someone with a fatal peanut allergy.

and opening THAT debate in other forums has started huge grudge matches. Im new here and I learned my lesson. I dont refight old wars.

googled up a powerpoint if youre curious. But people with PHDs argue about this, we wont get a consensus on it here.

But I happen to be right. ;)

http://www.mendocino.edu/docs/aod/AddictionTheories_Wk_7.pdf

Nature abhors a vacuum. Finding healthy things to do is essential in any recovery. I agree that we cannot escape the eroticism, but WE can change how we react to it. Just today my wife received a magazine with a woman in a bikini. I had no reaction to it. Abstinence is NOT enough. Total change is necessary. I quit without filters on my computer. When I got the very thought of looking I would shut the computer off. I know some work on computers and I cannot even imagine what that must've been like. Recovery=change.

In answer to your question, yes, my plan is to never look at porn again. I don't believe there is a "healthy level," because I believe that porn is in its nature unhealthy. Pornography treats other people as objects for our sexual enjoyment, and sexual activity as merely a source of physical pleasure, as opposed to a means of uniting two people as one through a mutual act of complete self-giving and acceptance of the other, and opening the door to the possibility of new life. There is no place for that in my life.

pobevin, I have had my best success by understanding the physical side to what is going on with your brain when you look at porn. I suggest watching this you tube video series. http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series You might want to do it over your lunch period even when the temptation is greatest. I can only speak for myself and I thought I would never be able to not look at porn again, but the longer I do not look at it the easier it gets. My brain is slowly rewiring itself. I still want to look but the benefits of abstaining FAR out way that old routine I was stuck in for so long. Best of luck.

Po: You said, "Will there ever be a time when I won't have to be "on guard" to these triggers? I realized I am at the "high" (or low) of my addiction, anything can set me off. I just hope that I will be able to watch a movie and not have to worry about a sex scene in the future. "

I am not a porn or sexual addict. However, I am a human being and therefore have sexual feelings. So, if you're debating whether or not you will cease to have sexual feelings, I suspect that answer is no, you will have sexual feelings as that is natural to your biology. I use myself as an example simply because I know myself very well, and, I'm not sexually addicted. So, I'm likely a good specimen for study?

I see many of the same things you see that folks describe as a trigger. Well, likely some of those things are also a trigger to my inherent sexual biology. I suppose if I chose to engage those small triggers and build them up into something more than they are, I might have a problem too, but I don't. I realized a long time ago that taking that path would not be good for me, so I don't even take the first step. I did, eons ago, and I didn't like the view around me. So, I took up some real internal stock of who I would like to be, where I would like to go with my life, and what it might take to get there. So, I learned to ignore those wee little twinges that would take me places I'd really rather not go.

What I'm attempting to say, is that we are "all" biological animals in many ways, but unlike lower animals we do have a frontal lobe that is far more impressive than any ancient, primitive, autonomic, impulsive brain of lessor species. So, I decided to use mine to examine the human sexuality thing very closely, from a personal perspective, and from observation of outside sources as well as reading lots of scholarly articles on the subject matter. We, as humans, do have the capability to make choices that lower animals do not. So, I made my choices about my sexuality. And, I constantly reinforce my own choices.

I see the same things as others see, but, I do not choose to indulge in the thoughts that others do. So, the triggers are much the same for us all, but the choices about what to do about them are not. I learned to focus my thoughts on what I want from life, not from a momentary thrill thought process. Do you think you can do that?

Sorry to hear you are having those same problems again.
It is a difficult thing to get around because sex is such a normal part of us, however sex is never meant to become a "'habit"'..
But we all can quit it, just like any other addiction.
It's hard to avoid triggers because the main problem is not out in the world , with it's TV ads and other triggers, but it's in our BRAIN.
Like alcohol, food , drugs, etc , sexual triggers will always be around but it's how WE will CHOOSE to react to it.
An alcoholic knows he can't ban booze however much he curses the demon drink for making him a wreck. So he has to adapt to changing his response.
We have to learn a new way to react and this can be done because the brain has a plasticity . The power of the mind can overcome ANY obstacle but , for now, our minds have become weak.
But strength comes from total "'rock bottom"' weakness.
Any of the programs will be helpful but also being cognitive and honest with yourself.
Realise that however much sex we get it will NEVER be enough NOR will it improve things.
This is one idea I have learnt over the yrs but don't knock yourself if you fail; --Whenever you get the urge try and bring your mind back from the fantasy into the MOMENT. Our minds carry us into another zone in order to escape the pressure of the present"'now"'.
Become cognisant of what you are doing in the moment and how your mind is thinking.
Realise is this action going to make you feel better with yourself?
Realise that it's all a crazy mixed up game that you are choosing follow..that doesn't lead anywhere.
There is nothing positive about this addiction although your mind will trick you to think it IS and will bring relief.
In other words..this addiction is a LIE, NO relief is possible with it....you can beat it by being honest and truthful.
Don't be hitting yourself if you fail . Just try and work it out in your head (how you have get to this stage each time) and follow a program.
Best wishes.

Hey i had to start seeing a therapist in order to cope and get help. Maybe that's what you need and your wife also to help her understand the disease better. Hopefully I've been helpful.

Probably using the word "healthy level" while explaining looking at porn was not the best choice of words. I should've said it wasn't at an "unhealthy level" at that point (I know everyone has different ideas on "healthy". The amount of porn I would look at 2 weeks ago in just ONE day would have been the equivalent of what I would normally have looked at in college over a 3 months span.

I would get online find a sexy pic/vid and be done with it. I wouldn't spend hours trying to find something with more kink/rougher, etc...

Im proud to say I have not looked at any since I have returned. I even had sex with the wife for the 1st time in 6 weeks. MY porn mind was not interested in "normal sex".

Ive always had a high labido and that had decreased in my personal life and that scared the hell out of me.

This all started while my wife was pregnant and she was NOT interested in sex during that time....and for 4 months after. I wanted to respect her on that but I was going crazy, that was 13 months without contact. My 10 min alone time, once a week in front of a computer turned into an hourly everyday thing.