Separation Anxiety Support Group
Separation anxiety disorder (or simply separation anxiety) is a psychological condition in which an individual has excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment, which can occur at all ages and in many situations.
Raising my 8 year old granddaughter. She can go to school, though it's hard. She can go off with her dad or his girlfriends (though she'd rather I go with her. But she absolutely falls apart at the thought of me going anywhere without her. She adores her pop pop. It has nothing to do with being left with him. Even for us to go out and leave her with her dad or anyone that she likes being with is out of the question. I went to NYC when she was a toddler, Christmas after 911, and that is the last time I can remember leaving her except for hubby and I to go out for a very short run and she was in a panic the whole time - maybe an hour. Well tomorrow I am finally going out with my s.i.l. to a performance. My hubby, pop pop and I knew this was going to be a big deal with gd so he got tickets to take her to a dinner theater tomorrow night to see Peter Pan. She had a big meltdown tonight, hysterical, mad, sad, panic, sobbing, hyperventilating, you name it. Of course, I am going and know I must start doing it more. I just wonder what happens inside. I have never felt sep. anxiety before. Can you help explain what she can't.?
In your granddaughter's case, though, it sounds like she may possibly have fear of abandonment, especially if her biological parents aren't exactly constants in her life. If there's been a change in caregivers over the years. You mentioned you've had her since she was 1 & a half? Sometimes they remember these things and it tends to violate their sense of trust & security. Or I could be wrong, of course. In any case, it doesn't hurt to constantly repeat that you will be back, specify what time, give her a special watch to time you, even explain to her the sequence of events. That seemed to help my niece some. ("You're going to stay here with Uncle Joe. Pop pop & I are going to watch a play. The actors are going to dance on the stage...and I'm going to tell you everything they did as soon as I get back. As soon as the show is over at 8 o'clock, we are going to drive right back home, and we will be home by 8:30...) or whatever your plans are. I know it's hard. It might help you to also address her fears & ask her why she's so nervous about it. (I'm sure you probably have already). But just constantly assure her that you are coming back (specify time) and that you will ALWAYS be back. Always. It's usually toddlers & kindergarteners that go through this. So that's what makes me think she may be having abandonment issues. They will pass, but it may take a while.