Separation Anxiety Support Group
Separation anxiety disorder (or simply separation anxiety) is a psychological condition in which an individual has excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment, which can occur at all ages and in many situations.
When I was 1 and 1/2 years old I was separated from my whole family which included my mother/father and two older sisters. My sisters were 2 and 1/2 and 4 and 1/2 years old respectfully.
My mother was suffering from depression at the time and had to be hospitalized for three months. I was literally ripped from her arms.
If I am feeling "unhinged" or suffering from separation anxiety, I can only walk a few blocks from home.
I also suffer from bipolar disorder. My psychiatrist feels that had it not for me having this early traumatic experience that I would not have manifested my bipolar illness. I have to say that I agree.
I now have a toxic relationship with both my sisters. I often think about them (I mean obsessively) and it has ruined my relationships.
Years ago, I remember trying to reach my sisters on the phone and when I could not reach either one of them I had a major anxiety attack. I actually thought I was having a heart attack and ended up in the hospital because my heart was racing so fast.
I have come along way since then with the help of psychotherapy and my Buddhist practice but the pandemic and being isolated has triggered feelings of being abandonment.
I am too ashamed to talk to my sisters about it. One of my sisters has stopped talking with me (I can only reach her by email) and the other sister is an alcoholic. I am afraid that none of us wishes to be vulnerable. I also have bipolar disorder and there are trust issues.
My psychiatrist finally wished me to feel peaceful. I think I have talked about my sisters ad nauseam with my psychiatrist and my friends. I have decided that peace for me would be to totally disengage with my sisters. I just don't seem to be able to find a sense of peace.
I am cutting myself some slack because of the current circumstances.
I think it's really great that you're getting the help you need (psychotherapist and psychiatrist).
I also struggle with abandonment issues and have many siblings. I am lucky that my brother has such a kind soul but even with him I fear if I do something wrong (ie. call him one minute too late) he will leave. For some relationships in my life this is true, they will leave if I screw up. But then they are not the right person for me. And with the healthy relationships, I just have to remind myself that "that was then (my childhood), and this is now".
I like the idea of mindfulness when those difficult and anxious emotions come up. Mindfulness to sit with whatever emotion arises. Let it be without judging it.
Do you judge yourself for fearing abandonment? Because it sounds like you have a pretty good reason for this fear. And I imagine anybody else would have developed the same fears. You're not broken. You just have strong neurological wiring that fires this one way. You can retrain your brain through neuroplasticity. Meaning developing healthy relationships will teach you that people will not leave you. But you have to believe, in your whole heart, that you are worthy and deserving of love. Which you are!!
- Journalling everyday changes your brain very slowly.
- I use subliminal messaging to recreate new neuropathways and it's slow but it has helped a lot.
Every day I learn more and more that I am lovable and the people I need in my life to heal will stay. I don't have to do or be anyone else. The wrong people will leave my life and the good people will stay.
You don't deserve to live in isolation for the rest of your life. You deserve to have vibrant, fulfilling relationships. You deserve to feel at peace. Feel what you need to feel to heal. Love yourself entirely and completely and healthy relationships will come. Feel all the emotions that come up with a panic attack and remember that it is just a feeling, you can deep breathe through this. It will end. The feeling always has an end but if we ignore them they will get louder. Do one brave thing a day to help yourself develop healthy relationships. I think being on here is a great start.
You're doing a great job and your support group is with you! Hugs!!