I was in foster care with kids like that. What they did was that's what were eating and if you don't like it then don't eat it. They will eventually start eating what you make. Make a list of dinners that way one day you eat what you want for dinner and the next day her and so on. Mix it up. In foster care they have to work with several kids from different backgrounds so there's always something new comming in. If she says she dosnt eat to the school and dfs is called then they will close the case coming she just wants to eat what she wants and kids do saytthhere's no food when they don't eat what they want. I'm covering it all. Dosnt mean you will have them come out.

We do that. She doesn't eat. Then she just goes to her Mom's the next day and eats.

I have never found that punishing my daughter by making her go hungry for something that she can't control a very effective method for helping her or our family. Having had similar issues as a child and experienced the same kind of "then you don't get to eat" treatment I had a better understanding of my daughter's issues and chose a different route. I do not cater to her preferences or prepare separate meals for her, but I do not force her to eat something that she is resisting either. If she does not want to eat what we are eating then she is welcome to fix herself something else to eat. She is 9 and is completely capable of getting herself a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter sandwich for dinner. I ensure that the options available to her are acceptable nutritionally speaking to me (no sugary stuff, focusing on food groups, etc.) I do encourage her to try a bite of different foods so that she can learn that food does not always taste how it looks, but she decides wether or not to eat more so that she feels she is in control. It is important to realize that a child like this does not want to misbehave, but may simply not be able to handle certain foods, sometimes it is even a defence mechanism of the body trying to deter the child from a potentially harmful food for them (allergies or sensitivities). Sometimes if a child is encouraged to explore why they dislike a food you may discover that it is not even the taste they don't like, but that they simply can't make it go down (as was the tearful case with my eldest child and rice pudding). If she can tell you why she doesn't like it sometimes you can find ways around it (we often puree my youngest daughters vegetable based dishes such as spaghetti sauce or cook her portion of food with no added spices). As she has gotten older she is more willing to give foods a try and communicate with us specifically what does or does not work for her. At 12 years old she should be mature enough to be able to tell you why she doesn't want something and fend for herself to eat.

I agree about the forcing thing, we only did it a couple of times. She is 12 years old, yes, but she isn't mature. To cook anything she likes turned into a big mess. She would cry if she had to go near the burner on the stove and the same goes with the oven. We FINALLY got her to be able to make pasta. That's all she can make. She doesn't eat sandwiches or peanut butter. So each night the only thing she eats, is chicken and potatoes with peas or broccoli. She refuses to try anything else. It's only chicken in one way too, grilled. She deems everything else disgusting.

So to just have her fend for herself is tough.

Has she ever explained why everything else is disgusting to her? Might give you some clues as to what the problem is and maybe some idea of other food that feel/taste similar that she might be willing to try. At least the limited variety of food she does accept is nutritious, that's something to be thankful for.

Nope. She just says it gross and won't offer any other solutions. I gave the healthy options she likes. If we allowed it, she would eat fried chicken tenders and french fries everyday. She also never turns away sugar.

I beg her as to what she might like. Her response, I don't know. I keep making things and she says it's gross.

For the record, I am a great cook. Everyone begs me to cook for them. I went to a therapist to help deal with this and she told me to just offer her the same ole same ole until she tells me something else. I guess it makes sense. I was hoping someone on here might have a child going through the same thing and offer a solution.

I thank you all for your suggestions.