Senior Health & Aging Support Group
Aging is an important part of all human societies reflecting the biological changes that occur, but also reflecting cultural and societal conventions. There is often considerable social pressure in many societies to sustain denial of the aging process. Join this community to discuss general issues with aging and senior health.
I am desperately seeking help and support. I am 74 and my 52 year old daughter has stopped communicating. I am so distraught. I'm falling apart. I already have a depression/anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember, and now I feel totally hopeless about my life.
I say this to contrast what really happens, and what really happens is this: You would think that they spend a lot of time with me, asking me out for coffee or tea maybe, or maybe even lunch. You would think they would want to see me on weekends. But the truth is that they are so busy with their lives that I am largely forgotten. I babysit my grandsons every so often, but outside of that, I am viewed as a "purveyor of services" really.
It is really weird. In their perspective, I am supposed to be available to them, while I am supposed to be a completely independent, self reliant woman, largely without needs. Their perspective happened because that is exactly the way I was when they were growing up, and I was at the top of my game.
Even though I have connection needs these days, they just don't get it, and I must see them once every three months if that. And that is usually by accident, not intent. I have tried initiating more contact, but they are just sooooo busy - oh except for the babysitting.
I have to admit this hurts. At the same time, it is what it is. If I try to run after them, they try to ditch me. It is a weird set up for sure. I don't know what to do about it except attempt to have my own life. I have a housemate and some friends who are great. I still work part time, but it physically feels like a full time, consuming job, and I spend more time, resting in bed than I'd like to.
My entire life has been full of stories of the "This can't be happening" theme. Yet - it is what it is at least for now. It has been great writing this out. I know I didn't offer any solutions for you - just a total "You are NOT alone" message.
Keep us posted.