if you already know that she's "not the one", then it's up to you to broach the subject and not wait for her. The only fair approach is honesty. She deserves to know what she is dealing with. Maybe she's fine with how things are too. But, maybe she isn't? She has the right to determine her future and not waste time if marriage is on her horizon.
If you aren't willing to man-up and take the risk that she might be done with you, then the answer to whether or not you are being selfish is a resounding YES!

You are 58. You don't need to get married, for any reason I can think of. Same for the 49 year old woman.

I don't see why that should be a concern. Has she given you any indication that marriage is her goal? If it is, are you "the one"? She may be content with things as they are (enjoying each other for the moment).

I'm a firm believer in "every man (or woman). isn't Mr. Right, sometimes he's just Mr. right now".

If it bothers you, you could initiate the talk as mentioned above. I hope she doesn't think you presumptous. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

I appreciate the input, and no she hasn't expressed any interest in marriage and maybe she never will. I believe in life we all have choices and at this time in my life, marriage is not something I desire. If I've learned anything since my previous marriage of 30 yrs., it's that life is too short and we need to enjoy the moment, and yes both of us are ejoying the moment. I'm a firm believer in honesty and if the question should arise, then at that time I'll be sincere and honest with her.

Mate, only you can decide if you want to marrie this lady or not.

If the lady concerned has expressed no interest in it so far, chances are that she wont anyway.

If it's been over a year and she has not mentioned changing the relationship, if it were me then it's because she's happy as is. Is possible that you want some validation of your feelings? If you talk to her and she agrees with you, that would be validating.

I think it feels scary getting to know a new person and we wonder all kinds of things. It is just normal to do that. If you are definite that you do not want to marry **anyone** ever, then maybe discuss it in a philosophical way with her sometime and just see what she says.

How are things with her financially? Do you enjoy the same things? How she does react to the meat of the relationship....does she like to laugh, see the humor in life, have energy? Is she good to talk to?? Affectionate?? Are her moods stable??

Or maybe you do not know any of these things yet...if so, it is a bit early to consider her as a life partner.... And same for her, and that is something you can say to her, "We just do not know each other well enough" and if she is well adjusted about it, she will not question it too much. She will want to work on getting to know you too.

I think most other posters have encouraged you to be honest with her, and if you are, it might tell you alot of what she wants, how she responds to yr feelings about marriage. Not all women want to marry, believe me.

Try to just have a good time, that is what my relationship is about. I am 54 and my partner is 63, and we just like it as it is, having our independence, and being together, and no strings etc. I hardly give marriage a thought, nor does he bc we enjoy what we have... We have both been M'd so have BTDT, and have no need to prove to each other anything about love or committment. We did it in our past, with others and we know that marriage can kill a relationship, that it's difficult, and even the best marriages have their dark sides. Why sign on for all that??. Hope your relationship goes well....DaisyC

Daisy, I appreciate your response in regards to "just have a good time", and basically that's the approach I've taken. This lady is independent, financially self-supporting, beautiful, and full of energy.
As of now I enjoy the independence with no strings attached and at the same time being in a committed relationship, without marriage.