Senior Dating & Sexuality Support Group
This community is intended for senior to discuss senior dating and sexuality, and the specific issues that arise for seniors, such as starting over as a widow or widower.
My wife takes forever to have an orgasm, and the only way she can do it, is if she masturbates, she can't have one if I attempt it, orally or rubbing or with a vibrator, she can only orgasm if she uses her fingers and rubs herself. And about half the time she gets tired and quits before anything happens. It has taken her as long as 15 minutes to orgasm which is a LONG time..
I asked her if she has been like this before menopause and she told me that she has always had trouble having an orgasm and even though she had LOTS of sex with LOTS of guys (in talking about past sex experiences she confessed that she lost count of the guys after 100, she started when she was 13 and by 17 had had sex with at least 60 guys... That all doesn't bother me other than being jealous that she could have so much fun...but that is another post for another time LOL). Anyway she said none of the guys she had been with had ever made her have an orgasm (those that tried anyway). After having sex she said she always went home and masturbated so she could orgasm.
We have tried about every kind of hand held vibrator there is, the rabbit, various wands, and finger tip vibrators, even a vibrator that uses suction and little vibrating fingers on the Clitoris.
I would like to be able to be able to find a way so that she could be able to have an orgasm a lot quicker so she doesn't give up and quit. I want her to be able to enjoy our time together.
Anyone have any suggestions??
I asked her if she has been like this before menopause and she told me that she has always had trouble having an orgasm and even though she had LOTS of sex with LOTS of guys (in talking about past sex experiences she confessed that she lost count of the guys after 100, she started when she was 13 and by 17 had had sex with at least 60 guys... That all doesn't bother me other than being jealous that she could have so much fun...but that is another post for another time LOL). Anyway she said none of the guys she had been with had ever made her have an orgasm (those that tried anyway). After having sex she said she always went home and masturbated so she could orgasm.
We have tried about every kind of hand held vibrator there is, the rabbit, various wands, and finger tip vibrators, even a vibrator that uses suction and little vibrating fingers on the Clitoris.
I would like to be able to be able to find a way so that she could be able to have an orgasm a lot quicker so she doesn't give up and quit. I want her to be able to enjoy our time together.
Anyone have any suggestions??
Since menopause I've been mainly celibate as unfortunately I rarely think of or desire sex. This worries me a lot and if the right person should come along to get me back in the mood I'd be looking for some kind of female viagra, if only in the form of something I could get from a health shop, because it seems there are things available.
I would also suggest not putting her under any pressure.Even in my sexual days I sometimes faked orgasm because I felt under pressure. Men feel that it's their fault if a woman doesn't come every time, whereas there are times when a woman enjoys sex without needing to come.You males are often too focused on the end result!
Those are my thoughts. Hope it helps and best of luck.
I have tried to get her interested in herbal remedies but she doesn't like to take pills or anything medicine like...even vitamins. It was a fight to get her to start and take her diabetes meds (her blood sugar was in the 250+ range).
Thanks again...
My mother just about ruined me with bad advice and comments when I was a virgin, I figured love and sex had to be better than she said and it was..but took a while.
. But I also had partners who I was very attracted to, but zip..same problem. Then met a guy at 24 who just didn't accept my lame excuses, and it magically worked. (I'm still amazed)
But after him if I didn't 100% trust, it was the same. So i'd say for you both to just NOT expect it to happen, period. ( give her body the ole' reverse psychology) permission to just not come at all. not gonna worry about it, end of discussion, just play and have fun.... and nothing wrong with her using toys while you participate however is comfortable or by herself..sex has lots of options and is fulfilling if we let it be..
The way it is shown in movies and TV with inexperienced girls going thru the roof with pleasure all the time is completely false.. read the book
My Secret Garden amazing true stories..your wife should read it too. there are others that reveal this really secret part of sex.
http://www.amazon.com/My-Secret-Garden-Nancy-Friday/dp/1416567011
I really hope something can flower for you both, everyone deserves delightful sex.
As a senior woman I have been celibate for quite some time. Although I have a vibrator, I don't use it often. I can't get in the mood with something that makes noise and feels so mechanical. With fingers and a mental fantasy going on, I can have a clitoral orgasm quickly.
Did you say your wife takes diabetes medication? Diabetes can interfere with blood flow to the genitals, in both men and women.
I agree diabetes can be a problem.
http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/vibrators/wand-massagers/sp-hitachi-magic-wand-massager-9465.aspx