I have endometriosis, POS, adhesions, BPD, suffered a phantom pregnancy and anxiety attacks preventing me from leaving the house.. I also got rapped and have struggled with bulimia.. All of this stuff is piling up on my shoulders and I am struggling more and more everyday not to cut again. I haven't cut for almost a year now because I realized that I want a baby more than I need to cut. But with all the problems I have with my ovaries and the chances slimming down everyday I am feeling overwhelmed with the erg.. After my nan past away I also became an alcoholic, I past out and was rapped by a friend that used to hit me and has left scars on my body. My fianc of 6 years has supported me through all of this and I really don't deserve to have someone this understanding when I know I could break his heart again if I cut.. I have used cutting as a way of coping since I was about 14 and struggled with bulimia.. I have my fianc and my whole family around me but I feel so alone. All of these feelings are becoming to hard to cope with, with nightmares and the over whelming erg to cut and feel the outside pain rather than the inside pain.. I have waited 6 years for a baby and about a month ago I got drunk and ended up in hospital wanting to commit suicide.. My fianc is trying to understand but I know that no matter how well he knows me, he will never be able to feel the huge hole I have in my heart.