Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
I'VE BEEN CUTTING FOR OVER 20 YRS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'VE TRIED HOLDING ICE USING RED MAGIC MARKER RUBBER BANDS. I TOOK EVERYTHING OUT OF THE HOUSE THAT I CAN CUT WITH EXCEPY MY DIABETIES Lancets. I USE THEM DOZENS OF TIMES AT A TIME. MY DOCTORS/THERAPIST DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE DONE IT BECAUSE THERES NO SCAR BUT THERE'S PLENTY OF BLOOD. MY MOTHER DIED OCT. 28TH 2012. I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE I FEEL ANGRY AT HER FOR ABANDONING ME AGAIN AND NEVER ACKNOWLEDGING THAT I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED BY MY FATHER AND UNCLE. IKEEP DREAMING ABOUT KILLING MYSELF INCE LAST SATURDAY AND I WANT TO KILL MYSELF BADLY. THE ONLY THING THAT HAS KEPT ME FROM DOING IT IS I WOULD HURT MY SON AGAIN. MY THERAPIST AND DOCTOR HAVE TRIED TO GET ME TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL BUT ALL THEY DO IS GIVE YOU MORE DRUGS AND I'M ON TOO MANY NOW . I'M AFRAID THAT IF I GO IN TNE HOSPITALS MY JOINT REPLACEMENT SCHEDULED FOR JAN 21 2012 WILL BE CANCELLED.
i know its hard to think of your son when you want to die so much, I know I have been there many times and only hang on for my daughter. Our children need us to hang on in there for them.
the pain we would leave for them would be unbearable, I had an uncle who killed himself after my mother was killed. He allways thought he should have been there to protect her as she was staying with him at the time. So not only did I lose a mum I lost me uncle as well.
talk to your therapist if you can about how you are feeling. Sometimes hospital is the best place for us when we feel this low. at least we are safe in hospital till we feel in a better place.
Sending you a big hug.
Suicide is not an answer, it' s just another problem. I imagine your pain and fear are great and trying to take over, but...they are feelings and you can overcome them. You must be a really strong person to have fought this for so long. That strength can get you through this time also.
Being angry at your mom is okay, validating your feelings of abandonment, fear and anger are okay, you don't have to feel guilty. I think everyone gets mad at someone when they die....it's alot to lose.
Can you talk to your Pdoc or therapist about the fearful feelings your having regarding your knee op? If you went in the hospital it probably wouldn't be for very long, just to get you over this difficult hump, I don't think they would cancel your surgery for that. And the thing about going into the hospital voluntarily is, you have some control over the situation and what is done about it. You don't have to change all your meds or take a bunch of new ones if you don't want. Maybe you just need a safe place to talk with a therapist about all these feelings your having to deal with right now, you've got a lot on your plate. Sometimes we don't deal with stuff openly because we're afraid of how bad it will make us feel and we're worried about what we'll do....the hospital is a safe place where you can do that and have support.
Killing yourself would hurt so many people, it's never the right answer although our confused brains tell us it is.
Please think about getting some help with this...you can feel better.
Take care,
Kat