I look around and suddly feel as if I am alone and like no one cares. Then I turn around and I see a face crying out for help. I don't know who the face is but it isn't mine.I wonder how I can help that face I see when I can't even help me. I wanna help that face I see but I see the scars upon me and wonder how when I look like this and what I have done how I can help that little face. The person behind the face begs and pleads for me to save them. I can't see how I can when I can't even see me. Wait a mintue maybe its me as the little girl but it can't be I don't scream and cry I've been stifled but wait a mintue it is. It is me crying for help no one cared not sure pepole care now. I think a lot of what pepole say is just an act. I wanna say good bye but I know deep down thats the wrong thing to do though the thoughts do run in my head. I think about plan out in my head but something I know not what keeps me from ending it all. I don't know why this is at all. I want the crap to stop and it all to end yet I can't seem to take that step to end it all.I am not sure if thats good or bad. I hate the life I live I put on the fake smile know other do to. I don't wanna fake the smile any more. I want pepole to see the real me though am terified of what they may think. I want to see the real pepole to. I am at wits end I don't know I think back and forth upon these things. If I were to say bye who would actually care. If I didnt say bye and left this world who would I make cry. I don't know if any 1 really cares or any 1 would cry. Some strange reason I can not follow through on any of my plans. I thought about hitting my head on something to knock myself out and pray when I wake up and I am in glory. I OD on bedaryl for over a year so I don't see OD killing me. I was threaten with a gun and the guy never pulled the trigger. My landings are to well to kill myself jumping I have tried. I am not saying I am going anywere but belive me these thought are on my mind. If I had away not sure I'd finish the job. I don't want to be on earth anymore yet for some strange reason I can't go. What is it thats holding me here. I wanna know and I wish there was some way I could yet I am not ready yet. So I live in this world of fake smiles I wish it would end.
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