Hello and welcome. I am a long term self harmer..i believe my addiction started when I was ten... I didn't cut but did chew raw nettle leaves. I'm.now 26. I used to lie in appointments until I ended up in hospital after an OD. I too panicked they would take me in. But they didn't because beside the odd meltdown I'm very high functioning..and that's what they look for. If you tell them your thoughts and feelings they should be able to help you...if you are able to live...ie...get out of bed, go to work, go shopping, cook and so on then your function levels will outweigh the worry of thoughts and feelings..

12 years for me, but 4 years 'clean' with only two relapses in that time. Things do get better! I have never seen anyone for it, but pushed through. It was a pretty long journey on my own, but feel better to know I am coming out the other side. Everyone struggles through life, I know that it isn't just me, and that somehow helps to know we all face daily battles. I am still facing mine, but feel stronger now to get through each day. I have found hobbies that I love and they help get me through, without them I don't think I would be where I am now.
2 months is an amazing achievement, just stay strong and keep getting through each day :)

Hi Katie! I have been a recovering self harmer for a long long time..until tonight. Have been cutting for 25 plus years but was clean for maybe 7 years. If you ever wanna talk get in touch..we can email!

OlderCPer
OlderCPer 2 minutes ago

I've been a cutter on and off for 34 yrs. now...sometimes its hard to realize that until I actually do the math. I started cutting when I was 13, because that was the only way I knew how to deal with the stress, trauma and pain of being molested for 4 yrs. by my father.

I've been able to stop cutting in long spurts, for years at a time here and there, but it makes it's addicting little way back in. I do have limits....I won't make new cuts, I only cut over old scars. That was the line I drew with myself, if I can't stop for good, then at least I won't make any new scars. The problem with cutting or any form off self harm is it is a Learned Behavior, and Learned Behavior's can be very hard to "un-learn" and replace with safe healthy coping skills and new behaviors.

I'm not ashamed of my scars, I consider them my battle wounds from some pretty hellish battles....so they don't bother me and I don't try to hide them. My mind has gotten so used to cutting to deal with stress and fear, that about 6 yrs ago I started cutting in my sleep. I would have nightmares of being attacked by my father and dreamed that I was stabbing him with a knife. Problem was the only person I was stabbing with a knife was me. The Technical Term is "Amnesiac Dream States" and I can tell you it really freaks you out when you wake up from a dead sleep with a knife sticking out of you and your lieing in a pool of blood. The worst so far got me 47 stitches in one arm. Luckily its only 1 nightmare that triggers it, and I do bed checks every night to make sure there is nothing sharp within a 100' range of my bed.....because if you have to walk that far to get something, you wake up.

I've never lied to a Therapist or refused to talk to them about my cutting. I've had great success with my Tdocs and Pdocs and their help with the cutting. Lithium actually helps curb the self injury urge, and it can be quite successful.

The thing is if your not going to be honest with your Therapist, why waste the time and money? They can't help you if they don't know what's going on and what your struggling with. They're not going to commit you because you have a history of self-harm, it doesn't work like that. If they put all of us self harmer's in the psych ward, there'd be no room for the other mentally ill folks.

Try to trust your Therapist and talk to them about your self injury past and present. This is a behavior that is very, very addicting....it's so easy to just slip right back into it. Your Therapist can help you learn other tools and coping skills to use to deal with stress, fear, anger, etc. that won't hurt you. The more you use the healthy coping skills the easier it becomes to not self injure.

I hope you find the courage to talk this through.

Take care,