I'm very excited because my husband and I might get to go dancing tonight. I'm rather nervous because all of my dancing dresses are sleeveless, and this will be our first time at a new place.

After I stopped self-harming, I was so used to people seeing my arms in various states of healing that I didn't much care that they saw old scars, and as I maintained abstinence and fewer and fewer people asked about them, I almost forgot I have scars. (Wearing long sleeves all the time in the Mississipi hellish heat was just not possible sometimes.)

But since my recent relapse, I'm really self-conscious about my scars. I have literally thousands. (Thus the trigger warning - I used to be really competitive and feel like if I didn't have more than the other people I knew, I wasn't "good enough" at cutting. I hope no one else feels that way.)

I don't have any new wounds to hide. When I cut last time, I just used safetey scissors, and the marks went away after a week or two. But I used to be able to answer the question of "What happened?" with "Oh, that's from years ago." Most people would drop it after that. Now I'll probably still say the same thing, but I anticipate my heart racing because I DO NOT LIE and because I'll be thinking, "Yes, those scars are from years ago, but I'm still too close to a full-blown relapse. Don't ask any more questions."

Someone suggested using Dermablend. I think that product is awesome, but I almost never wear makeup even on my face. I'm not sure I have the patience to apply it all over my arms and legs, as well. Besides, we're going dancing tonight, and I'd have to order it.

I'm just really, really, really hoping no one says anything. :(