So alot has gone down In my life. I broke up with my fiance. we had a seemingly perfect relationship... apparently he was cheating on me the whole three and a half years.... well so than i had to move back home away from all of my friends. esentialy i broke up with my life... well that has been hard but I did not cut once over all of that. Not once.

I have been doing this thing where i do a new thing every week, because I can. Because my life is my own and no one elses. It is sort of a freeing feeling. And empowering. I went to a gun range and shot my frist gun ... using cardboard boxes as targets. Just to say i did... I went to a concert all by my self (being a 21 year old small girl) i would normaly never do but figured why not. front row had a great time. I go to the gym, go to class... Im doing lots of positive choices in my life to stay happy...

but...

even with my concious efforts to be happy... and actualy honestly being more happy than i think i have ever been in my life... I have this horrible nagging feeling.

Im lonely... Like terribly lonely. I know it sounds childish but i have no friends hear. Not an exageration. I have one friend, but she has been making such poor choices in her life.. i never see her. So i am alone. all day. ...not one person... please wrap your mind around thi because people say they have no friends when they do... i dont even have aquentinces...

I dont understand. I am attractive, I am bubbley, I am not to terribly awkward or shy... I just dont understand why after 3 months hear i have not made one friend, fuck aquantince. Being lonely and alone just is this huge heavy weight on me... I just dont know what to do to change this. I talk to people in class, i met people at the concert... but still no one... and its a shame because i have such wonderfull happy days... and i dont have a single person to share them with... i can go days without even speaking...like this is ridiculous. ughh long rant... just what can i do... I feel like i am making all the right choices in my life.. but this lonely thing is about to drag me way way way down back to a place i dont want to go... soon im just going to feel like cutting is the only place i can go again..