This is a very hard step. I held onto the anger and resentment for my father for 14 long years. He is an alcoholic and was growing up, not a nice one either. I use to tell myself, why should I forgive him? He's not sorry, he doesn't think it is or was wrong, and he still does it.... I couldn't justify forgiving the man... until one day I finally realized he is a victim of disease as well, after reading about addiction. Even though he had never asked me for forgiveness I called him up and told him I forgave him and that I was sorry for being so angry for so long. The LARGEST weight was lifted off my shoulders and even though my dad is still an alcoholic, we get along well. We now have a mutual respect for one another, and our differences. The sooner you realize you can't control others, the easier it'll be. I use to think I could "fix" people, and unfortunately I can't, there are steps I can take to help them but I have to be careful not to overdue it and neglect myself, that healthy boundaries exist, and that I know the bottom line is it is up to them. You can't help someone who doesn't want help, Are you familiar with ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts)? Chances are they are probably pretty hard-wired in your brain. the sooner you read up on them, you'll start realizing when your doing them and can lead your thoughts in the right direction. you can read up on them here. http://depression.about.com/cs/psychotherapy/a/cognitive.htm GOOD LUCK! I know you can do this! and great job getting a self help book.