I have been doing relatively well and I had not cut in a while, then after a event at my home, after I was left in my room with the light off I just got flashes of emotions, first I wanted to scream, then I wanted to throw the book light I was holding into the wall, I wanted to go outside and puch the wall until my fists were bleeding. Then all of that went away, I thought of how I lost my friend who was my only real stability and I collapsed onto my bed crying and curled up. I got from another flash of emotion and got my razor blade by the time i got back to bed however the flashes of emotions were gone and i sat there mentally beating myself up over how I was not able to cut myself until I finally succumbed to my own harassment and cut my arm, again.

please someone help, and can someone tell me what happened to me, I have yet to go to a doctor to see if I have any preexisting mental conditions