Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
Umm hello, I'm new in this page but if you are part of mdjunction support groups you migh have seen me around there and probably a similar post from me.
First of all I gotta admit that my cutting is getting a lot worse, and Im not going anywhere with my anxiety and my suicidal thoughts either, which are rapidly intensifying. Also, Ive been tempted to cut in more dangerous places.
The thing is, my parents dont know a thing about any of these issues I have, and my mother made a comment the other day about not taking me to see my therapist anymore (I see her once every two weeks), because she doesnt seem to be helping me interact more in family... Yeah, I know I barely speak here at home, specially now that Ive been isolating myself more in my room, but thats not the real reason why I started and keep going to my psychologists.
About some alternatives and tips Ive been gently offered before, well...
* The rubber band: I tried to use it once... I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend and 2 other friends who left the city for college, I had 3 anxiety attacks at my boyfriends house for other reasons that lead to him, his parents and my other friend (I wasnt calm yet when I got to her house) finding me almost crying, which I hate. So umm... I ended up overusing the rubber band which left an injury that actually ressembled a scratch (it's still there after a month or so), but still it didnt help so I did cut that night anyways.
* Writing: I do write sometimes, and in some cases it does help but there are other times when it just makes me think more about what Im writing and how I feel so... same results
* Sports: I do practice volleyball, and I like it very much, but instead of distracting me it makes me more axious about failing or having people noticing my scars. Exercising is kindda hard to do when my parents nd sister think I have an eating dissorder.
* Other distractions might help temporarily but as soon as Im done with them my thoughts come back again. Taking a shower allows me to cry more. Now that I'm on vacations I'm trying to distract myself with over 7 different activities a day but it's still not enough (tv, computer, writing, drawing, music, exercise, ice cream, cleaning, sleeping, etc)
* Hiding or throwing away my "tools" seemed like a hard yet good idea. However, a teacher in college told us to buy a complete dissecting Equipment for laboratory practices and to carry it with us always in class. I know those devices may cause a lot more damage and Im worried I might try. Also, I have tried other methods before besides cutting.
* I cant ask for more sessions with my psychologist for obvious reasons + monetary problems.
* I cant drive myself to the emergency room for the simple reason that... well, I cant drive. And I cant ask my parents to take me there because they cant know about this (the figh-- discussions with my mom are back, and Im not talking to them much... never been that close anyways), I dont think we have inssurance, and my dad used to be a doctor so in this small city almost every doctor we can go to knows him and me.
* talking or visiting a friend: This usually just worries me more and Im too scared that they might see (or hear) me break down... My boyfriend has asked me to call him when feeling down and I have tried but I just panicked and couldnt, also I feel guilty about having them worrying about me. Besides, most of my close friends are gone now and I'm not really intimate to the new ones yet
* Im not sure we have crisis hotlines or something like that here, at least not for self-harm
I dont mean to sound so negative and I appreciate the tips but Im worried now, nothing seems to work and Im getting worse. Again, sorry for making this too long.
Also, I know this may not be the best place to ask for help but I'm running out of options and I'm not sure my therapist really understands self-harm.
First of all I gotta admit that my cutting is getting a lot worse, and Im not going anywhere with my anxiety and my suicidal thoughts either, which are rapidly intensifying. Also, Ive been tempted to cut in more dangerous places.
The thing is, my parents dont know a thing about any of these issues I have, and my mother made a comment the other day about not taking me to see my therapist anymore (I see her once every two weeks), because she doesnt seem to be helping me interact more in family... Yeah, I know I barely speak here at home, specially now that Ive been isolating myself more in my room, but thats not the real reason why I started and keep going to my psychologists.
About some alternatives and tips Ive been gently offered before, well...
* The rubber band: I tried to use it once... I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend and 2 other friends who left the city for college, I had 3 anxiety attacks at my boyfriends house for other reasons that lead to him, his parents and my other friend (I wasnt calm yet when I got to her house) finding me almost crying, which I hate. So umm... I ended up overusing the rubber band which left an injury that actually ressembled a scratch (it's still there after a month or so), but still it didnt help so I did cut that night anyways.
* Writing: I do write sometimes, and in some cases it does help but there are other times when it just makes me think more about what Im writing and how I feel so... same results
* Sports: I do practice volleyball, and I like it very much, but instead of distracting me it makes me more axious about failing or having people noticing my scars. Exercising is kindda hard to do when my parents nd sister think I have an eating dissorder.
* Other distractions might help temporarily but as soon as Im done with them my thoughts come back again. Taking a shower allows me to cry more. Now that I'm on vacations I'm trying to distract myself with over 7 different activities a day but it's still not enough (tv, computer, writing, drawing, music, exercise, ice cream, cleaning, sleeping, etc)
* Hiding or throwing away my "tools" seemed like a hard yet good idea. However, a teacher in college told us to buy a complete dissecting Equipment for laboratory practices and to carry it with us always in class. I know those devices may cause a lot more damage and Im worried I might try. Also, I have tried other methods before besides cutting.
* I cant ask for more sessions with my psychologist for obvious reasons + monetary problems.
* I cant drive myself to the emergency room for the simple reason that... well, I cant drive. And I cant ask my parents to take me there because they cant know about this (the figh-- discussions with my mom are back, and Im not talking to them much... never been that close anyways), I dont think we have inssurance, and my dad used to be a doctor so in this small city almost every doctor we can go to knows him and me.
* talking or visiting a friend: This usually just worries me more and Im too scared that they might see (or hear) me break down... My boyfriend has asked me to call him when feeling down and I have tried but I just panicked and couldnt, also I feel guilty about having them worrying about me. Besides, most of my close friends are gone now and I'm not really intimate to the new ones yet
* Im not sure we have crisis hotlines or something like that here, at least not for self-harm
I dont mean to sound so negative and I appreciate the tips but Im worried now, nothing seems to work and Im getting worse. Again, sorry for making this too long.
Also, I know this may not be the best place to ask for help but I'm running out of options and I'm not sure my therapist really understands self-harm.
Or go into a hospital and stay there.
Get your parents and tell them to listen and tell them about your struggles, not everyone can do it on there own, I was self harming pretty badly a few years ago and told my therapist through a note I had written, I was then referred to an organization that specialized in self harm and suicide, my then therapist told my parents about my cutting.
I was in and out of doctor's offices and mental health hospitals and then I was diagnosed and everything made sense. Now you may or may not have a mental illness, but you won't now till you seek professional help. Stay strong :)
I'm relieved to say I'm still going to my psychologist and I think my mother will be called for a meeting with her soon.
I talked with her (psychologist) more seriously about my suicidal thoughts in my last session and I think she is finally taking me seriously now.
Still, telling my parents about this is really hard since they have very strong ideas and rejection towards mental illnesses such as depression, self harm and specially suicide. The stigma is just too big of a problem around here and my mom would take this personally... I tried to tell her once and it didn't go well :s