I don't know if you are already getting professional help but that's the first thing I'd suggest; with professional help you will probably be able to get past what happened so you can have a normal relationship again but for now, tell your bf that you aren't comfortable with that and that he needs to wait; it's not something a guy wants to hear of course BUT if he really cares about you he will respect your request and not push the issue until you're truly ready for it.

Hey

Yes iv just recently finished my 10 week Councelling therapy which I found helpful bt didnt really talk abt it more we talked abt my past abuse not recent and iv explained to my bf that I was abused etc he lunderstands and is willing to wait he's there for me bt I don't know I can't feel the power to open my mouth and speak abt it :/ I wan him to know the full story bt I dunno how to tell him :/ iv tried thro text bt it's not the same tbh

I also went to police bt they dropped all charges against him and is free which makes me feel sick :/
Thanks

Maxime

ugh i swear they require way too much proof in regards to sexual abuse; I understand it is so that innocent ppl aren't prosecuted unfairly but when it comes to a true sexual abuser/rapist, it really screws things up. You would be well off I think to seek a permanent therapist; the ten wk program was a good starting point but I think you need more help with this. I'm glad your bf is reasonable about this and I can understand why it's hard for you to talk about openly; I'm sure it'll bring back horrible memories; the kind most ppl can't even imagine. Best thing I think is to open up as you're able to do; even if it's in small steps; a more permanent therapist who sees you regularly might be able to help you get past that and make it possible to open yourself up again so you can heal.

Yea the ten week course was fine the woman I seen was lovely helpful and understanding

The police interview process was horrible I sat wit a CID for 8 hours going over every little detail abt wat happened to me then had to go for a medical examination :/ was heart breaking then they came bk 2 weeks later to interview me and my two friends then at the end of the 2nd interview he turned round a basically said I was lieing and that they stopped the investigation and that I may be in trouble and get prosecuted which I never was bt the whole idea of my being blamed :/ so that is when I really cried for the very first time in my life for hours then self harmed was horrible

Then abt a seeing a prof full time it's not possible in my area

My bf understands bt always wants to see me whn I can't be bothered and feel weird around him when he tries to hug me and kiss me I fell strange :/ my ex who I still have strong feelings for and was my 1st love a relationship I was in for 2 years

Sorry for the babble

no worries about babbling; I think anyone would feel that way if they were in your shoes and the cops basically were to call them a liar; the only thing worse than having something like that happen to you is for the authorities to not believe you and the idiot who did it gets off scot free. Hmm that can be a challenge when you still have feelings for an ex; maybe you want to tell your bf that and see where you go from there; it's never a great thing to get into but at least then you both know where you stand and might help things from getting more strange down the road.

Yes I know that was the worst part then I acted happy to make my friends happy and cried at night when Im alone

When the police told me this I though u know wat fuk you !!!

They also seized my fone for 24 weeks while he was in custody and got free the worst part was that it happened in my place of work in a 5* hotel called gleneagles dunno if uv heard of it iv since left there and am working in another 5* hotel and living bk home

Yea and regarding my ex I do still have feelings for him although I never have contact with him anymore which makes me sad bt I dunno wat I can do he isn't in a place to contact me although he was the one person I could trust with my life as I was abused by my friends step dad for years he went to jail for 1 year bt now there in contact with him

I don't know wat my bf would say If I said that tho:/

Sorry I keep going on n on :-/

ja when it comes to that kind of stuff, it doesn't matter how great of a place it is; dirtbags are everywhere unfortunately. I can't tell you how your bf will react to the news about your feelings still being there for your ex but maybe tell him that your head isn't in the right place right now for a full-on relationship which seems to be the case; after what you went through I think you need to first focus on getting yourself healed emotionally and mentally. No I hadn't heard of that hotel before but hopefully you have much better luck at the new hotel. And don't apologize for continuing the convo; that's what we're here for :)

Yea that's wat I hate that no1 has the answer for me thats the worst thing tbh :/

I have bt he saids it's in the past should move on etc :/ which I told him its not easy to just move on then he's like well u need to open up to me and explain it from the start which iv tried bt can't:/

ja i think it's much easier to tell someone they have to talk bout it or move on than it is to actually do either of those things. The human psyche is a fragile thing but also extremely strong; I think if you give it some more time and start opening up a lil at a time or even just writing it down in a journal it might help you to get things moving forward for yourself again.

I am sorry for what have happened to you... i too was abuse and my bf now my ex did try sexual thing i also freak and cut my self too... i started therapy so i will also suggest therapy

Yea I guess bt I just can't handle it and he's gone in a huff coz I can't cope :/ I'm so confused bt also I cant stop thinking abt my ex which I know is bad I would seek therapy agen bt I told her I was better:/ m thanks for the Advice

Yea it's not easy as it was a friend who abused me :( my ex was my shoulder to cry he was my life now my new bf doesn't quite understand sorry to hear that abt you hope your getting help x