Self-Injury Support Group

Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.

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needeester 10/26/2011

I have always pictured my thoughts and my true self and a separate girl in my head. She is completely different from the me I portray on the outside. On the outside I am sweet, nice, out going, happy and positive. The girl on the outside is starved skinny. Her face is draped in long mousy brown hair. She is covered in scars, scrapes and cuts. She says and imagines things that I would never really do in real life but fear I might at some point. At times I feel like I am here trapped inside a cell just looking out a window. I don't feel connected to myself at all. I feel like I am wearing a suit that I can't get out of.

When i try to pinpoint my feelings or name them or their reasons I feel like the girl is silenced. Some times it is like her mouth is taped shut or sewn shut. I just don't know how to reconnect myself. I used to use cutting as a band aid fix.

Has anyone had this same type of experience. I know i must sound like I have multiple personalities, but luckily it isn't that bad.

deleted_user 10/27/2011

i picture my inner self as a girl who looks like me, but somehow is more mature. maybe a sterner more serious and grown up look. it's hard to explain. my inner self looks wise...like she has experience with life. she is always sitting indian style in a blank solid color room (the color changing depending on my mood i guess)

in reality i have really soft features and look kinda young. the person i portray to the public is VERY different from my true inner self.

deleted_user 10/27/2011

Im a girl in a cold room inside... shes sitting there on the floor in the dark, hugging her knees... shes also filled with cuts, scars and marks... shes not crying shes just sad, lonely... sometimes the cold room gets too cold, too empty so I cut- even though im trying to quit... :( Ive felt the room since I was like 14 or so...

DeathByDegrees 10/27/2011

My inner me is totally imaginary. The girl who never was. Sometimes she can be the same age as me or she can be 11. The one thing that remains the same is that her arms are smooth and unmarred with the scars that cover the real me. The inner me remembers how to smile and laugh (that is really laugh, not just as a disguise).
The inner me has smooth golden-red hair down to the small of her back and clear blue eyes unhaunted by the past.

Sigh. As I said, completely imaginary.

needeester 10/27/2011

Wow, I'm not alone!!! You don't know how happy and sad that makes me at the same time. I remember the day and minute that I split or realized that I had split. I was in 7th grade on a bus ride home from school. And i remember thinking why does everything look as if I am looking through a frame. Why is it like i am inside somewhere. It was that year that I started experimenting with anorexia and self harm. Mostly digging my nails in my skin and pulling on my hair. It was the year I was turning 13 and felt like my whole world was going to crash around me. I wanted so much to hold on to my childhood!

needeester 10/27/2011

@Deathbydegrees, I have to say that is a beautiful image to have as your inner you. I like that the inner you is more beautiful instead of a worse representation of yourself like so many others. I hope that is a good sign for you!!! I am going to try and remake my inner self to represent the things I want!

JessicaChase 10/27/2011

Though I am diagnosed with DID I can relate to you all. There is a woman in me that loves color. working with it, dressing with it, filling the world with it. She's free and expressive and laughs at her own mistakes. Yes, she's in there and unafraid to say how she feels and calls evil what it is "evil!" She's courageous and sensative to the hurting. And Heaven is her destiny.

smallgirl3 10/27/2011

i think there's a bunch of inner me's :P some of them are reasonable and calm and take care of me, tell me what to do, help me get through tough situations. some of them are the emaciated scarred demons you talk about. they just scream mostly, or cry. good idea for a post :)

deleted_user 10/27/2011

my inner self? the girl that was.. the one i wish i could stay.. She had long dark brown hair, and big grown eyes. She was knd of a tomboy. She likes science, and nature, and lived at the library. Her special seat near the window where she'd stay for hours and finish chapter book series. She was untouched, and innocent.. But now, shes gone. she is just stuck, inside me somewhere.

asisbeauty101 10/30/2011

wow im glad im not alone in feeling the same way as many of you! i too have a inner self. she is my 13 year old self. tall, thin, long curly brown hair, she beautiful, perhaps that is why she entices me so. but she is wicked. she is vile and everything evil. she is the one that convinces me that i am all the lies that she comes up with. she smiles fiendishly and her eyes flicker with hate. as silly as it sounds there are times when i thinks others can see that flicker looking out of my eyes. shes stronger now than she ever was and she scares me.

deleted_user 10/30/2011

You know what's funny is that i picture my inner self as a louder, more obnoxious version of my outer self... I think it makes sense that i act on stage because if you think about it people who like to dress up and pretend to be other people have issues with themselves and i'm like that at both ends of the spectrum. i believe that my inner self is just screaming at the top of her lungs while on the outside, i'm simply whimpering like a beaten puppy and no one hears me. it's not like there's no one around to care, but i'm just not the type of person who shares herself with the world... that's why i pretend to be people i'm not. i found a way to cope with myself i guess. it's stupid. sorry this was dumb... and yet i will complete this sentence and click the "add" button so that's all... bye.

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