Shannen, I know it doesn't seem like it now but this painful time won't last. Let yourself cry! Talk to a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor. You can pour your heart out here. Please don't think of suicide as an option! It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can't trust your emotions right now because you're grieving.

thank you so much its just a very hard tome at the moment

I just read your other post and responded just to see this one last. Please, please don't think about ending your life! All of us on here are here for a reason... reasons that we couldn't deal with on our own, so we reached out for help and some hope on this websiite! You came here for a reason and that shows me something! If you were willing to come here for some hope... then you ARE NOT ready to die!!! You are looking for help & that's exactly what you should be doing! We all go through points in our lives where we just don't feel like it's worth going on, but believe me.. you WILL get past this one too! Something will happen, or someone in particular will come along with just the right thing to say and you will have a completely different outlook on your life! I've been where you are soooo many times that i can't even count them! Trust me... I KNOW how hard it is! Please.. find help either with your local hospital, a therapists crisis hotline, or continue to reach out for help here! I will be glad to talk to you about anything.. anytime! And there are so many good people on here that are willing to do just the same! Hang in there! I'll be thinking of you!