Hello Ben, I'm sorry to hear your having such a hard time:( When I was your age I felt the same way. I cut because it felt good and took my mind away from the rest of the world. Like you I thought I was a freak and that no one could understand me. But I was wrong, I wasn't a freak and neither are you.

Do you think you could talk to your parents about what you are going through? Maybe a teacher or consular? I know that sounds horrifying right now, but there are people who can help and want judge you.

I really hope you are feeling better about yourself soon, and trust me your not a freak.

no i AM a freak. because lately ive been cutting and havent been going through anything hard. i just did it because i like pain

Well don't kill yourself. I don't think that everyone hates you. It may feel that way but I doubt it's true. Even if someone does hate you, screw them. That's their problem.

t-thanks. i was just freaking out when i did this. i was kind of out of control. i don't even remember putting up this too be honest. is that wierd?

No it's not weird. It sounds like you dissociated.

I don't hate you.
...just because you are not exactly like everyone else does not mean you are not a valuable, worthwhile, likeable person.

...What triggered you to flip out and use cutting to make yourself feel better?
What could you have done to stop yourself from getting to the point where you explode?

I have come to a place where I am ok being whatever the heck I am...because the opposite of normal...is unique, special, extraordinary. I am very weird. I'm ok.

You are acceptable and lovable, just as you are, ok? It's hard to feel that and remember that in middle school and high school. It's still true.

well am in middle school. and nothing triggered it. i just really like pain. because im wierd like that.

You're not weird. Many, many people, of all ages, have felt what you are feeling. I started self harm in middle school, I felt like a freak, but I've learned over the years that I'm not. I just have some things I need to work through that make me feel as if I'm a freak. I don't wanna say it's normal to enjoy pain, BUT, it's normal for people who are self harmers, to enjoy the feeling it brings.

I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to.

Not encouraging you, but hitting yourself on a large muscle hurts worse than cutting. Just an observation.

...I get that you like it. I would guess it makes you feel better to do it. What other things help you to feel better?

You are not a bad guy, ok? You are having trouble. I think speaking to a counselor is probably a really good idea.

I want you to know that this is going to get better. Middle school is a really sucky time. It gets a lot easier.

Self harm usually starts as a way to make yourself feel better but can become an addiction, which means you will want/need to do it even when nothing is particularly wrong.
I don't think "normal" really means something, everyone is different. And the things you have chosen to make yourself feel better don't make you abad person. Stay strong ;)

thanks i really needed the support