i feel the same almost every day. on the outside im a band nerd, comedian, really street smart and logical, and president of the harry potter club. on the inside i feel like im dying. i dont quite know why, or what to do either. i guess maybe just do what they always say and fake it until you make it. who knows for how long, but people alwasy say clouds have silver linings. even hurricane clouds.

I feel like the same way too in front of my friends I'm like happy and crap and then when I get home I just feel really shity and sad and depressed I can pretend to be okay in front of my friends I do that a lot!!!!!!

yes! a little different situation but the end result is the same. when i was 12 my depression worsened and i tried expressing this through a "goth" style. my parents immediately prohibited anything black. clothes jewelry they even took away the music i was listening to. thus began my double life. i snuck clothes to school to wear them i had to hide everything, music, books, clothes, anything that was "dark". at school i was able to be myself. at home it was all a lie. i had to change before going home and after 9 years of this it got exhausting. it wears on you without you even knowing it. sadly through all this time i had to pretend to be happy; had to put on a strong/ happy face for everyone because "no one likes hanging out with depressed people" so despite being miserable i had to act like everything was fine.

honestly you need to find an outlet; talking to an adult you trust, journal, anything to get it off your chest because after years of holding it in, it explodes, and its not pretty. you dont owe the world anything. you dont have to fake happiness, you'll just hurt yourself in the long run. set yourself free. good luck

if you saw me you would never ever ever think i was the "type" to cut.... i started at 17 and im 20 now with a three month old daughter .. and its so hard for me to cope because ihave to hide my scars from all of my boyfriends family and i have alot of scars all over!!! i think it makes me more depressed knowing what i became and having all these marks on my body now so my best advice is to stop while your ahead cause once you "overcome" it will haunt you for the rest of your life... dont get me wrong i get urges still but im stronger then them and i have better things to live for .. i dont live for myself anymore i live for my daughter.. but anyway the point is yes i understand i was living a double life too i was always the happy girl everyone went to for advice meanwhile i had a shit ton of my own problems that were never dealt with:/ message me whenever

I'm the same way. At school and in front of my friends I'm the happy, smart, let-me-help-you-with-your-problems kinda girl. But inside I'm depressed, I have too many issues of my own to deal with that I could honestly care less about pointless gossip and crap. If you were to look at me on the outside you'd never guess I cut or have schizophrenia or depression, because I hide that so well. But lately I've just been having breakdown after breakdown from hiding all my pain for so long.

Thank you guys for all the replies, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this.
Jay3311, I feel exactly the same way! I'm pretty good at hiding my pain and my scars, but since last year i've been having breakdowns and cutting more than I used to.

It's sad, but lately cutting is the only thing that keeps me alive.

I so couldve wrote this post because it describes me soooo well. I pretend that Im doing great and have no problems but on the inside I am dying! I am known as the funny, very vocal, and outgoing coworker...only one of my coworkers knows what I am really going through but now I am now starting to hide it from her because I dont want to push her away. I have pretended just about my whole life so I am very use to it but I am getting so tired of it now. I want to be me! I dont really know how to deal with it but I wish I did. I too have called into work just so I didnt have to face anybody. Lately I have wanted to cut more...i think its because my counselor that was awesome moved and I got someone I didnt like and now I have another appointment with another person wednesday so I hope I will like this person because I really need someone to talk to about these urges!