We cutters tend to cut for 1 of 2 reasons: 1. to make new pain replace an existing pain, or 2. for the bloodletting, we see the blood flowing out and in our minds its taking all the "bad" inside of us with it.

You sound like you cut for the latter reason. I too have always cut for that reason, on and off for 30 yrs., I don't even feel pain when I cut, rarely ever did from the beginning. The thing with cutting for the bloodletting is it can be far more dangerous than cutting for the pain of it. We tend to cut deeper, closer to veins, and more frequently because we need to see that blood run out.

Have you ever talked with a Professional about your cutting? Cutting or any type of Self Harm is a Learned Behavior and it can be incredibly addictive. The sooner you get help and learn other safer, healthier coping skills, the better chance you have of being able to successfully stop. The longer you let the cutting take over, the harder it is to stop and the more dangerous it becomes.

I hope that you can find someone to talk to about what's going on in your life that makes you cut and get the help you need to stop and be safe.

Take care,
Kat

It sounds like you may be dealing with a lot of loss/abandonment issues and may be punishing yourself for being needy or trying to deal with the present pain. Either way, I understand using cutting and bleeding for fulfilling the need for the comfort of other people. That addictive high is a hard one to over come when reality comes back to haunt you. The secret is finding other coping skills that will fulfill what is empty inside of you. Perhaps, call a friend, find a place you can get involved in and meet new people. Mine was God. I was spiritually drained. I had faith that he could give me the strength to get through the temptation. Just don't give up on trying new ways to distract yourself. May you find help in your search.