I know how you feel hun. I'm not close to my family at all, they all know i cut. I've attempted suicide about 5 times, I'm still recovering from my last attempt a few months ago. The last time I've cut was 2 weeks ago, when I got in a really bad fight with my dad. I lost alot of blood, and all for nothing. I know how it feels to lost someone close, I've lost relatives and even my own child when I was 7.( long story) I have tried everything. I still o'd on pills to try and forget everything. We've both lived hard lives, we both struggle with SI. But you can beat it. It doesn't own you. You can't control what life throws at you, but you can make yourself stronger by overcoming thoughs obstacles. You are not alone, you don't have to fight alone. Just know that I care about you, and you will succeed. It won't be easy, but you can win! Instead of cutting, use a rubberband or pinch yourself, write down your feelings, draw, scream into a pillow. There's so much you can do without cutting. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen. :) good luck to you, I know you can beat it!

I have issues with my dad too. He did alot of stuff to me and I have a PFA against him now. I cut myself randomly now. Not everyday, usually every few days. Unless I feel super bad, then it's everyday for a little awhile. I mainly do it because of other things though, sometimes even nothing at all. Idk, it's weird for me. I'm in college now and I work. It's really hard to be motivated to even do anything due to the depression and anxiety. I have PTSD, too. It is all very annoying. I don't ever see cutting not being a part of my life either. I don't care if it's "wrong" or not. I don't see what's so "wrong" with it anyway. I was assulted in college. I think it's made everything worse. Sometimes it's all I think about. They're are alot of bad people were I live there and it's unsafe. I think all of that adds to it. Cutting for me just helps it go away, just for a little while. I also like drinking, but I don't do it very often because I'm not 21 yet, so it's hard to get it.

Hi jellybean. I do have a story. Ill make it brief. I didn't start cutting until I was 28 and it didn't get really bad until I was 30. I am not sure where I even got the idea the very first time. I just remember that several things happened. I needed to punish myself because I felt some of the bad things in my life were my fault and truly, they were not. I became numb and couldn't feel a single emotion unless I cut. Then I would feel emotions so strongly and so overwhelming I cut to focus on physical pain and get away from the emotions. So many different reasons. I lost count of the times I have had stitches and staples even in my upper arms and upper legs. I have a few bad scars on my forearms. After a complete nervous breakdown in 2000, I spent five years in and out of the psy unit. Finally in 2005 I changed psychiatrists and got a psychologist for the first time. It was a struggle and it still is, but between the two of them and prayer I have been harm free for five years. I still miss it sometimes. I still feel like I need it sometimes. But I finally realized one day that the temporary relief was not worth the physical scars or the grief I was bringing to all around me. There are still days that I wake up and have to just kick the whole idea under the bed and run for the day. But I still fight every day to stay away from the cutting. It is so addictive. Before I got through it I lost my marriage, my twin daughters who were 15 moved in with my brother, I lost my home, lost my job and most of my friends. Honestly, getting free of cutting took drastic measures. I moved to another county, changed career fields, and started over with brand new friends that knew nothing of my past. I even legally changed my name. I was trying to escape myself but in all reality, I am me and I'm stuck with me. Somehow I have managed to hold it together this far. I deal more now with the bipolar issues and work hard to keep others from knowing my secrets. It's not really that I'm ashamed but I hate to make up excuses for the scars. Every time I see them I remember where I have been and how hopeless I felt and they are a reminder everyday of where I do not want to go. I don't know if my remission will last forever but being here where maybe I can offer any word of encouragement to anyone who SI's is already helping and at least I can feel like it wasn't all for nothing. I learned and grew from every experience and want to give my life to helping others. It's nice to read your post and know I am not alone. My father passed away and my mother and two brothers have not spoken to me in six years because they feel like I am damaged and cannot be helped. It's a rough road but I endure it. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope we can be friends. If you ever wanna talk just message me. Good luck!

Jellybean my heart is heavy for you. I am not able to tell my story, because I'm having a hard time lately, but know this...I know the insanity of this very well. It breaks my heart that we are not alone in this torment. All I can say is may God reach out to you so that you know you are worthy of love!

hey jellybean, heres my story...

well, i am 15 now.. i started cutting at 8... I have depression, 3 forms of anxiety, and ptsd... when i began cutting no one noticed.. no one began to notice until last year... my mom is an alcoholic, and is never home..every year of my life i have been in a new school, always moving. i would always be watching my younger brother, and still do now... at 12 my dad sexually abused me... i held that in until last year as well... i do still cut.. neck, leg, thigh, arms, stomach.... i have burn myself.... recently i just got out of the hospital for suicidal attempt.... my depression is worsening every day, i am at the point of almost giving up... but trying to hang on.....

I hope things get better for you, and i hope you dont self harm for the rest of your life, you can overcome it. ((hugs))