So, the past three days have kind of sucked. I've realized that I've become only a friend of convenience, or rather security, to a friend of mine that I really loved. I mean, I know people grow apart and I'd be okay with it if it were possible to make a clean split. It's impossible at this point in time. We spend half the day together as we're in the same classes, and we spend lunch together. I, and one of my other friends, are only acknowledged by her when there's no one else. I don't want there to be a nasty split because she hurts herself and I really don't want her to do anything stupid. I care a ton about her, even if she doesn't care about me anymore. And so I'm playing nice, trying to ignore that I mean nothing to her anymore. If I pretend it's not happening, I hope it will just go away. But the tension's getting too great.
I cut myself the other day, and my mom saw. She asked about it and I froze. I said, "A bush" and when she asked to see, I got defensive and wouldn't let her. She found out once that I cut and I'm sure she knows this time. It's only a matter of time before she confronts me and I'm scared to death.
A friend of mine noticed my arm yesterday and started questioning me. He asked why, and I couldn't answer. I just said over and over, "It's fine, I'm fine, it's nothing." I try to tell the honest truth and not close up when asked by people I like, and I couldn't. I've felt so bad. As soon as I closed the door when I got home, I started to cry. I sat on my couch and cried for a solid hour. I'm tired of this. I want everything to go well again. I was really, really happy for several months and now I've fallen back to being mopey and unhappy.

Oh, geez. I'm rambling, a lot. Sorry, guys.