Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
Thank you to anyone who reads this and tries to help. I have a big issue that really makes me want to hurt myself.. and I haven't cut in close to 5 years.
My boyfriend and I have been together 4 1/2 years. I love him with all my heart, soul, and body. Last night we had a big issue.
I live in Massachusetts and he is going to be leaving February 1st to go to live at his father's where he will have a better job and make more money and be happier. The plan was I would stay here until I get a decision about getting social security (I am waiting on a court date now). Last night that all changed....
He started telling me he is not sure he wants me to come. He went on for over an hour telling me different reasons such as I need my family here because of health issues, he doesn't want to be completely responsible for my health and safety, that I don't know anyone out there, that I will be alone a lot and that could be an issue with my seizures... the list goes on. He finally told me that he will do what ever he has to so that he will be sure I will be safe and cared for, even if it means breaking up with me. For hours I was crying trying to tell him I don't care what happens please good god don't break up with me. Said I don't care if I have to wait in this state and have a long distance relationship for years, just god please don't leave. Well he kept saying he will do what he thinks is best and blah blah blah and left the room again. He came back about a half hour later. I said you gave me a ton of reasons you don't want me to come and couldn't stay to one reason, u jumped around to a million different ones, that is not like you so which is the real reason.... he then told me he didn't want to tell me this until he makes a decision but...
He says he has been thinking about breaking up with me. That he feels like we act like an old married couple and the spark is gone. Said I have been treating him like shit lately by saying things and being so dependent on him and stuff like that (I have asked him in the past to tell me when I do stuff like that, I have Asperger syndrome (a form of autism) and I don't usually know when I am being demanding or a lot of things like that), he said that he loves me but he is not sure he can trust himself to handle my medical conditions, basically that he has to decide before he leaves if he wants to be with me, if it is worth it to continue our relationship in his mind.
Well that's the story. I spent all the time I was awake last night biting my lip with bottom jaw on the inside and outer teeth pushing on the inner from the outside to try to keep myself calm. Eventually it didn't work and I went into my room to lie down. My boyfriend came in to talk to me and says he really isn't sure I can change, he will try to watch in the next month to see if he thinks its possible and he will tell me when I am doing something I shouldn't, but he really doesn't think I can show him that in only a month and a half and he doesn't think I can change so it may not be worth it but he will give me the chance and see what he decides. I had to take a valium and cry myself to sleep after that.
Now I'm awake and the urges are just as strong. I had a mental break in 2011 that ended me in the hospital because I wanted to cut and these urges are wayy stronger. IDK if I can manage to not hurt myself now, and if he does break up with me I don't think I will be able to stop myself from committing suicide. We were engaged at 4 months into our relationship, he is the love of my life and matters more to me than anything in this world. Loosing him will be like loosing my whole world, completely devistating.
Can anyone help me deal with this? Help me to not hurt myself? Help me handle what is going on now emotionally? I havent cut in almost 5 years and I know if I can't calm down and stop feeling so worthless and like a piece of shit for treating him wrong and like an ass and so forth I am going to cut. I don't know how to stop myself. And if he leaves, I really am not sure I will still be here. Please help.
My boyfriend and I have been together 4 1/2 years. I love him with all my heart, soul, and body. Last night we had a big issue.
I live in Massachusetts and he is going to be leaving February 1st to go to live at his father's where he will have a better job and make more money and be happier. The plan was I would stay here until I get a decision about getting social security (I am waiting on a court date now). Last night that all changed....
He started telling me he is not sure he wants me to come. He went on for over an hour telling me different reasons such as I need my family here because of health issues, he doesn't want to be completely responsible for my health and safety, that I don't know anyone out there, that I will be alone a lot and that could be an issue with my seizures... the list goes on. He finally told me that he will do what ever he has to so that he will be sure I will be safe and cared for, even if it means breaking up with me. For hours I was crying trying to tell him I don't care what happens please good god don't break up with me. Said I don't care if I have to wait in this state and have a long distance relationship for years, just god please don't leave. Well he kept saying he will do what he thinks is best and blah blah blah and left the room again. He came back about a half hour later. I said you gave me a ton of reasons you don't want me to come and couldn't stay to one reason, u jumped around to a million different ones, that is not like you so which is the real reason.... he then told me he didn't want to tell me this until he makes a decision but...
He says he has been thinking about breaking up with me. That he feels like we act like an old married couple and the spark is gone. Said I have been treating him like shit lately by saying things and being so dependent on him and stuff like that (I have asked him in the past to tell me when I do stuff like that, I have Asperger syndrome (a form of autism) and I don't usually know when I am being demanding or a lot of things like that), he said that he loves me but he is not sure he can trust himself to handle my medical conditions, basically that he has to decide before he leaves if he wants to be with me, if it is worth it to continue our relationship in his mind.
Well that's the story. I spent all the time I was awake last night biting my lip with bottom jaw on the inside and outer teeth pushing on the inner from the outside to try to keep myself calm. Eventually it didn't work and I went into my room to lie down. My boyfriend came in to talk to me and says he really isn't sure I can change, he will try to watch in the next month to see if he thinks its possible and he will tell me when I am doing something I shouldn't, but he really doesn't think I can show him that in only a month and a half and he doesn't think I can change so it may not be worth it but he will give me the chance and see what he decides. I had to take a valium and cry myself to sleep after that.
Now I'm awake and the urges are just as strong. I had a mental break in 2011 that ended me in the hospital because I wanted to cut and these urges are wayy stronger. IDK if I can manage to not hurt myself now, and if he does break up with me I don't think I will be able to stop myself from committing suicide. We were engaged at 4 months into our relationship, he is the love of my life and matters more to me than anything in this world. Loosing him will be like loosing my whole world, completely devistating.
Can anyone help me deal with this? Help me to not hurt myself? Help me handle what is going on now emotionally? I havent cut in almost 5 years and I know if I can't calm down and stop feeling so worthless and like a piece of shit for treating him wrong and like an ass and so forth I am going to cut. I don't know how to stop myself. And if he leaves, I really am not sure I will still be here. Please help.
Froggiegirl I appreciate if he loves me he will come back thing.... but I really dont think that is true. He says he talks to me about this like once a year about this and it hasn't gotten better and he can't be with me if he doesn't see that it is starting to get better this time before he leaves. I know I will be suicidal if he breaks up with me, just the thought that I may loose him is making it hard to not break down and cut. I have already torn the bottom of my lip to shreds biting it to give me some pain release without actually hurting myself.
worldofblah4 I am sorry for what happened to you. All I can say is I am glad you were in a safe place.... I just hope I can get into a safe place before I loose control.