Happy New Year!

Hello, I'm thankful to be home for the holidays. I celebrated Christmas and New Years with my family. I think all the December holidays and New Years Eve and Day. I think all the December and New years eve and day holidays are each beautifal and unique in their own ways. It's been a long time since I have written. It seems like it has been a couple days. In reality it has been all of November and December. Alot has happaned during this time. I am sorry it has been so long.

I will start in review for those who don't know- The friday before the last week of October, my psychiatrist had me start in a partial hospitilization day program at a psychiatric hospital called Fairfax. I liked the classes at the day program. The classes taught me essential skills to help me organize my thoughts, how to combat the Schizophrenia thoughts, voices
and how to calm myself, focus on positive images, thoughts and emotions to replace negative ones; after visual or auditory
hallucinations or delusions.

The classes were going were going well, yet my auditory voices and visual hallucinations were getting worse. I felt like I was breaking down, felt like crying, feeling very sad. I was having death thoughts that were
not going away, I felt like I was going crazy, even though I know that I am
not crazy. After classes at a day program on November Ninth, the
Psychiatric ARNP and the Therapist, talked to me and decided that to best help me, they would help admit me as an inpatient at the Fairfax Hospital. That night, my family helped to prepare for admisson to the
hospital. The next day, after day program classes, the psychiatric ARNP
wished me goodluck and to feel better soon. The therapist took me
over to the hospital for the inpatient registration. The therapist left after a few minutes.

I filled out registration papers and when I finished the register lady
took me over to the South Unit for a temporary stay. It was
just for night and part of the next day. The nurses in the South Unit,
waited to hear from the Central Unit, when a bed was open. I
remember the South Unit was loud and noisy. People talked loud, sometimes screaming and other times anger and sadness, crying. The
South Unit was for co-occuring disorders, mainly depression, as well as Drug and Alcohol Detox. I thought the South unit was creepy and
strange.

The next day, in the late afternoon, I moved onto the Central Unit. The
Central Unit was quieter, helpful and much more easygoing. The nurses, the psychiatrist and staff were all kind, caring and understanding. I spent
time as an inpatient in the hospital to get my medication and the disturbing thoughts, voices and hallucinations, I was experiencing under control. I was there for fifteen days. I was discharged from the Central Unit on November 23rd, the day before Thanksgiving. It was a strange, almost Wow! emotion walking out of the Central Unit, into the lobby, past the front desk, down the hall and out of the hospital front doors. It felt like coming out of a different world and into reality again.

I was glad I got to go home for Thanksgiving. I spent it with my parents, my brother and an uncle on my mom's side of the family came over for
Thanksgiving Dinner, Dessert, talking, playing games etc. On friday, I was really happy and looking forward to see my psychologist that coming monday and go back to classes at the community mental health center. I had a good visit with her on that monday in December as well as
the monday on the week before Christmas. I haven't seen her the monday after Christmas, it's a holiday as well as today the monday after New Year's Day.

Apparently, she'd been on vacation according to my mother's therapist. Another man therapist, who my mom asked to see if my psychologist was back. He said she wasn't there today, the day after New Year's Day, another holiday. He said, he'd leave a message and ask my psychologist to contact me or my parents, to check on what days, I have scheduled to see her.

The next week, the one after Thanksgiving, I went back to the Day Program, to help me to continue to stabalize. I was discharged from the day program. The following monday, my caseworker called for the first time since I was discharged from the hospital and day program. She did call my mom, once when I was still in the hospital. Anyways, she asked
me if I wanted to go to classes, on tuesdays, which was the next day and
Fridays. I said yes, I wanted to go back to classes. She said, would set up the classes and the schedule for a cab ride system called Hopelink.
I was going to ask her more questions, but she cut the conversation short , before I could say anything else. Me and my mom were upset
that my caseworker assumes that I am ready to go to classes without
asking if I have other appointments or events going on.

Then, my mom showed me on the calender a Dr. Appt that conflicted with class the next day. I ended up having to call my caseworker
back. She did cancel the ride, though she was short and curt saying
the community mental health center was really busy and short handed
that day. I tried to ask her another question, but she hung up on me, which me and my thought was rude and disrespectful. I was still able
to go back to my Postively Amazing You Class- A Self-Esteem building
class. The other people in the class were very happy to see me again.
A classmate, Carol, asked me where I had been all that time. I told her I
was at Fairfax. She asked if I was better now; and I said, yes.

On, the next tuesday, I went back to my Wellness Class and my Art Therapy Class. My friend, Greg, he seemed very surprised to see me, his mouth dropped open. I smiled and he had mostly a serious expression,
after a few minutes of surprise.I talked to him after class, I told him that
I was at Fairfax Hospital. All he said was Oh! I talked to him a little more
but he was very quiet and didn't say much. He's been very quiet these
last two times as well. My caseworker reminded me it had been 6 weeks
and it takes time to rebuild my friendship with Greg, not to worry and
that everything will be okay.

I have started a new class, a pre-employment class, I had a rough first
experience, with an interrview, with another woman in the class. She was
rude, towards that I didn't have the questions of the top of my head. I don't know, I just have difficulty with interview situations. I am also will be starting a class about changes, called making changes and a counseling/private art therapy group.

For medication, I have stopped taking Fanapt. I am now on Zyprexa and
Tegretol. The only complaint I have is about Zyprexa, causing me