2 nights ago my dream was interrupted by a loud man's voice that came from the sky that said "Lorna, Lorna, make a decision before tomorrow noon." Yesterday was okay but today I have been trying to make decisions about everything it could possibly mean. My negative voice was saying "I have decided to kill myself." so I decided I do not want to kill myself and it is such a hard thing to give up the idea. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about. I am like crazy making decisions and having to stick to them and I'm so afraid I'm missing the big decision I was supposed to make. I was working with some insulation today at the cabin and it's fibers were floating all over and I didn't even notice until my hands started stinging. I was breathing, you know? Then I thought I didn't stick to the decision to believe in my ability to be healthy so they were going to infect me with something that will cause cancer because I kept waffling about what I thought about cancer and I know that if I got cancer that it would be okay to kill myself which is what I'm never sure I don't want to and I'm so scared I am attracting this shit to myself. Oh God the brain just goes on and on. I keep asking "A decision about?" But no answer.