Yeah, it's scary but you have everything to gain if you open up to people who can help you,...I'm sorry you're afraid of your parents. What kind of thing do you think they will DO to you?....or are you just afraid they'll not understand or get angry? After 5 hospitalizations and years in a psychiatric day program my parents NEVER mentioned my illlness or were curious about it or asked what happened to me. They kept it all a secret... so I wouldn't be surprised if your parents would be in denial that you have a serious problem. But keep plugging along and talk to some professional helpers...

My story is similiar to MH. I have no idea how many times I have been in the hospital...way too many to count or remember and my parents were never visitors or believers in what the drs told them or I told them. They were in denial. I dont know, maybe they believed but didn't want to deal with it because they didn't know how and were hoping it would go away. Sometimes they seemed angry. I may have been paranoid though. But I decided to take control of my own mental health and at 18 I found help at the local county mental health clinic and everything kind of snowballed into place. I started on my long road to finding the right meds and therapy. And now I am 40years old and am on disability, dx of paranoid schizophrenic, on great meds, wonderful psychologist that I met in a partial hospitalization program, and a great psychiatrist that I put my trust in. I am doing okay. I dont know how old you are but if you cant ask your parents, school councelor or a teacher for help because of your fear of your parents reaction then try and hold it together until you are of age and then do what you want. I think it would be best though if you went to the ER explained your problems, say you are suicidal if you are and get place inpatient. Then it is out of your parents hands and up to the pdoc and staff. You will get meds, therapy and perhaps family therapy which would be great for you. JMO. Best of luck.

i didn't get a good idea of what you are really experiencing ...

can you please explain some detail...

sounds ?
visions ?
paranoia ?

please share ...

I've always been afraid to tell someone what was going through my head but now I see the only way to get help is to tell someone you trust.

I don't think your friend should be forcing you to take meds when she doesn't know what's wrong. Sometimes we can have very bad reactions to meds.

Please tell your counselor. You aren't taking any illegal drugs that could be causing this are you?

it was nothing illegal, and the reason i had to be forced is because i have a strict hatred of any kind of drugs; i refuse to take even prescribed ones sometimes, which is probably why it's getting so bad.
i really appreciate everyone's help and support. i'm going to get ahold of my councellor soon, if not today, and see what her view is.

Yes, when I first got pryschiatric care I hated the fact that I "had" to taker meds, chemicals, that, in those days sedated greatly but did the trick of cancelling out the hallucinations. And now we have these new generations of drugs that, for me, do pretty much as good a job as the older ones and at the same time allow me to recognize myself, my personality again. My first psychiatrist in a day program siad to me, when I complained about my need for meds, he said "there is no shame in taking medication." and that's all I needed to hear. I can't function without them and when you think about it, our disorders apparently for the most part come from a bio-chemical imbalnace in the brain, a genetic predisposition at least, and it makes sense that we would ahve to take a chemical to restore that balance. Don't be afraid of them...eventually you'll find the right one that will work for you and you'll be able to deal with any side effects. That is my hope for you. You are bearing a lot right now on you own and should be commended and also greatly nudged into getting professional help. It's out there and it will make all the difference for you.

My life has improved so much since starting medication. I never want to go back to how I was when I was off everything. Even though I go through rough times it is nothing like how it was before I was medicated.

Aku, I totally get the not wanting to take drugs thing. I'm struggling with that too. But now I realize my life will not get any better, only worse, if I don't take the meds.

Hope you're ok.