Schizophrenia Support Group
Schizophrenia is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a mental disorder characterized by impairments in the perception of reality and by significant social dysfunction. Untreated schizophrenia is typically characterized by demonstrating disorganized thinking and experiencing delusions or auditory hallucinations.
I feel like this is my last attempt to reach out for help..I am just hurting so bad...he wants me dead (evil inside me) and I cant stop believing that he is right and that the pain will never end unless my life is over....meds not helping...dr not helping...family and friends dont know how much I hurt and I just cant bring myself to tell them...dont want to make them upset or feel useless cause they cant help....if I just end it all then I know friends and family will hurt for a while but they will eventually get over it and be able to move on with their lives never to be bothered by me again...I am just totally worn out and cant see it getting any better in the future....this is what he wants and I guess he is going to get his way...and I cant wait till he just pushes me a little further and go all the way...then im gone...pain is over just like that..........BUT.....now a bit from me if I can manage it ,if he will let me have my say.............I want to live, I want to be happy, I want him gone, I want to enjoy my life, my kids and husband..............WHY ME... no one deserves this torment...GO AWAY
Please consult with a counselor/therapist. Medication is not the only option and is not the only approach.
What are your doubts that evil is inside of you?
What are your doubts that there is even a personality embodying the evil you assume is inside of you?
Please remember the GOOD that is YOU and the good that is inside and outside of you.
There are other solutions that won't extinguish you.
Please seek therapy/counseling and ask for a safe place to stay where others can help protect you and nurture you.
You don't have to sacrifice yourself for relief. Remember the part of yourself that has control in a good way.
Help others to help you
You don't have to express every single detail. If it helps, try to find creative yet safe ways to express what is important. There may be some common ground that has thus far been overlooked.
Turn the fear into a prudent guide instead of an obstacle or terrifying force. Use what you've learned from the fear to make a wiser decision and to help create a more peaceful and stable place for yourself and others.
Here are some options:
Carefully and compassionately adapt and survive. When you can't adapt, carefully and compassionately avert. If those still aren't possible after you've sincerely tried both, then seek help. If help isn't available, then do your best under the circumstances to nurture yourself mentally and physically while not losing track of the environment.
Others have gotten through this. These experiences are not 100% unique to any of us anywhere. Remind yourself of your positive strengths and of the positive strengths of others.
Problems have solutions.
Im obviously still alive! My thoughts have gone out of control and yes I have told my pdoc and I have increased the seroquel as my Dr asked me to, have actually increased it by another 100mg I am feeling so bad, but I dont think its working. Surely 500mg of seroquel a day should do something? Maybe time to try something new? as much as I dont want to, hate changing meds, having bad side effects and try another one. Have to wait 3 weaks till I see pdoc again but think I will try to ring and make it earlier. But making phone calls is so hard for me to do.
I just dont feel like I have a purpose in life and dont want to live...I hate being like this, I hate the screaming in my head, why cant it just leave me in peace? sorry again for ranting on...no wait I dont need to be sorry do I? isnt that what the boards are for? I dont want anyone to feel hepless cause they cant help me...Just a bit of support would be nice...is that asking to much?
If you are in any danger then go to emergency just to be checked out. I do understand not wanting to go but it's a case of taking responsibly for your illness. How about therapies are you in any?
Wrote a journal entry that may help http://www.dailystrength.org/people/587001/journal/3739108