Schizophrenia Support Group
Schizophrenia is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a mental disorder characterized by impairments in the perception of reality and by significant social dysfunction. Untreated schizophrenia is typically characterized by demonstrating disorganized thinking and experiencing delusions or auditory hallucinations.
I feel like this is my last attempt to reach out for help..I am just hurting so bad...he wants me dead (evil inside me) and I cant stop believing that he is right and that the pain will never end unless my life is over....meds not helping...dr not helping...family and friends dont know how much I hurt and I just cant bring myself to tell them...dont want to make them upset or feel useless cause they cant help....if I just end it all then I know friends and family will hurt for a while but they will eventually get over it and be able to move on with their lives never to be bothered by me again...I am just totally worn out and cant see it getting any better in the future....this is what he wants and I guess he is going to get his way...and I cant wait till he just pushes me a little further and go all the way...then im gone...pain is over just like that..........BUT.....now a bit from me if I can manage it ,if he will let me have my say.............I want to live, I want to be happy, I want him gone, I want to enjoy my life, my kids and husband..............WHY ME... no one deserves this torment...GO AWAY
Take a deep breath. Cry if you can. You sound so scared and pent of with bad emotions. First I have a question. You probably mentioned it before but I dont remember..who is 'he'. Whoever he is real or hallucinated he is bad news and is lying to you. I know this illnes brings a lot of pain and it seems like there is no hope at the end of the line. But there is! It may take some more trial and error with your meds. If you think your pdoc is not working with you then find someone who will. I started taking meds when I was 15 and now I am 39 and this last year has been the best medication-wise. It took a long time. I made a lot of mistakes that hurt people. I survived to see there pain and so I know that if you killed yourself their pain will never go away. You will be passing your pain onto them ontop of their own pain. Also, I see your Avatar and am assuming you are a Christian. What do you think will happen to you if you murder your body, the temple of God? Do you think God will be pleased and reward you with heaven? I dont know but I am playing devil's advocate. What if you go to a worse place than you are now? This life is full of pain but for there to be pain there has to be joy to create balance. You have to fight through the bad times. That will make you stronger and stronger each time. If you sincerely feel the impulsivity of killing yourself please go to the ER and be admitted to the hospital. Think of what is best for you but also think of what is best for your children and husband. How do you think your children will feel if you committed suicide. You know the risk goes up for children of suicides? And your husband? Do you really want to leave him behind to look at your children daily seeing you in their eyes. It would be tragic. Please seek help and pray to God for patience. You are right that no one deserves that tormnent. But you are wrong that it will never go away. I am living proof that things do get better. I mean I have my days like anyone else but I no longer want to kill myself. It does get better with the right help and support. Seek those out. Please, we all care for you here. And God loves you too.
You may not realise how loved you are by other they might not be ready for you to move on to the next life. It a horrible pain left from it.
It's getting very very very late for me but I'd like to check up on you later. So may add here or send a pm .
Hang in there! ((((Hugs))))
i have to agree with the thought that you should get yourself to the emergency room at the hospital.
keep fighting friend.
there is nothing i can do hear i tried
max oh max ... shes an aussie ... is there any thing you can do?
I feel like I am not in danger of suicide today...a lot of people are praying for me and I think that is helping....and for me to say that is something cause I dont usually have anything positive to say.... I have managed to find a counselor this morning who will counsel me via email...which is great as I suffer from severe social anxiety and find it almost impossible to talk on the phone or face to face......
Anyway, Im really sorry to be a nuisance...I wont post again if that is what is preferred...sorry
the only thing that will help is professional medical intervention. we all had to do it, and if you want to get better, you will have to as well.
sorry, but i can't sugar coat it. your post is worrying to me, and it makes me sad that you're going through such an awful time when the truth is psychosis is very treatable.
im just frustrated in not being able to help you ... i understand how you feel ... but you have to fight and listen to reasonable people ... it does not go away on its own... and honestly nothing will change until you remove the road blocks you have thrown up in your way...you are the one making it harder on your self
but
believe me on this one ...you will feel better when you go to the doctor...you need to not be your own worst enemy...
we can change the tone of this if you like ... im not against you at all
like i said ... i understand... our tones can sometimes be misunderstood when we are just looking at words on a screen
I just want to make it clear how bad my social anxiety/phobia really is.
I dont and cant make phone calls...if someone calls me I only respond to questions asked, or dont answer the phone if I am really scared. I have seen the same pdoc for the past 10 years and some visits I can sit there and not say a word I am that scared. He is aware of this and I guess is trying his best to treat me. I make new appointments after each visit with him, otherwise I would not ring to make another one...My next appointment is on the 16th april and I just need to get through the next week and a half and hopefully build up the strength to tell him whats been going on in my head...and im guessing he will probably want to increase my meds or put me on another or maybe even admit me to hospital to try to get the meds right which I think would be the best thing but dont know if it would be possible as I dont have private health insurance and you need to be really bad to get into the public psych hospital. So where does that leave me?? scared, in pain, useless, worthless...alright im stopping...
sorry to rave and rant but it does kind of help to get it all out.
it all builds up... you have to vent...
i know this sounds wrong ... but ...you cant be blaming your way of looking at things... on yourself... you have a disease... its chemical...
you have selectively created all the excuses that stop you from recieving the help you need ... yet you say what is right... believe it now... you are the only one in your way... just do it... and feel good for doing so...
You don't deserve to be going through this. It is a sickness. It can happen to anyone, given the right set of circumstances.
If you end it all, your family and friends will not get over it. You will pass your pain on to them. Be brave. Find the courage to get to the hospital. You will be saving more than just yourself. People love you and need you.
What are your doubts that evil is inside of you?
What are your doubts that there is even a personality embodying the evil you assume is inside of you?
Please remember the GOOD that is YOU and the good that is inside and outside of you.
There are other solutions that won't extinguish you.
Please seek therapy/counseling and ask for a safe place to stay where others can help protect you and nurture you.
You don't have to sacrifice yourself for relief. Remember the part of yourself that has control in a good way.
Help others to help you.
This illness is all through my family, and most of them got better with help over time. For some that was just with the support of people who understood. Somehow they learned how to take control of the voices. For others medication was needed too.
They all stayed married, lived long lives, wrote books, made beautiful art and were successful. It isn't an easy life, for sure, but it can still result in beautiful things.
There is hope. Right now you have to reach out to professionals.
A very special thanks to everyone of you who put your two cents worth in...
this is all we can do...except to pray...but someone has to be open to that for it to work , i think... and they also have to be willing to except the help that God puts in front of their face when he does answer ....
from folks on this site; they are terrific.
I hear your suffering, and pain. I will pray for you, and ask the universe
to give you relief, and peace.