I am sorry you are having such a hard time Mark. Please believe me when I tell you that EVERYONE feels unsure, insecure and limited at some point. These feeling of inadequacy and fear of failure are not confined to those who are having problems with mental illness, they are part of the human condition.

Volunteering is a really good idea. It allows you to gain confidence without risking too much. Building up confidence and mental stamina is much like building up physical stamina. You can't do it all at once. If you had a physical injury, you wouldn't expect to be able to run marathons right away. You would start with a walk around the block.

Do a little bit of activity...get comfortable...experiment...stretch your limits slowly. Don't be discouraged just because you can't achieve everything right away. If one thing doesn't work...try another.

Celebrate little achievements. Getting better isn't going to be a straight line...there will be ups and downs...but you are a lot more likely to end up with the life you want if you keep trying...and what else are you doing anyway?

I figure if I try 30 new things...and only 2 work out...that is 2 more than if I hadn't tried any new things at all.

Sorry about the mood swings. The volunteering sounds interesting. What will you be doing?

Mark
hello again ...long time no see
what Marie said here is the whole thing in a nut shell ...
i go thru the same thing all the time ...every day...
you have to push yourself up and out of the little rut your in... you have to get your eye on the prize and work towards your goal...

Thanks so much everyone I really appreciate your words of encouragement. I do work mornings right now at a local market. I have been trying to write about my experience as a journal type book on my computer and yesterday I think it all seemed like a futile practice.
I do hope to volunteer with Calfornia Lawyers for the Arts. I was an art major in college many years ago and I figure this way (helping run their service) would be an interesting way of getting in touch with the art world again. Thanks again. Have a good rest of the weekend!

Oh that sounds really interesting. Keep up the journal. It is not futile. If you want you could post your journal on DS and get feedback. It might seem less futile that way. Since you are feeling like your disease is holding you back I reccommend reading a memoir called The Center Cannot Hold. It is by schizophrenic who is a lawyer and a professor and her struggles and achievements.

Thank you so much! I would like to read that book. Thanks.

M

thats really great news Mark
look at you .... your doing so well ...youve come so very far from when we met last summer remember?
wow... im so pleased and happy for you ...
good job man... you did it ...

You work. You are ahead of the game. Keep the flame going.
The best to you.

I wholeheartedly agree that volunteering will do you a world of good. I'm getting ready to do that myself at a local hospital. I spend too much time at home alone, brooding, going through mood swings, sleeping too much or not at all and letting life pass me by. I don't want that to happen to you. Get out there and spread some love!

thank you so much friends.

Hello Melbumark,
I agree with MarieCanada. Everyone does feel unsure and insecure at some point or another in their life including myself. When my son was diagnosed with schizophrenia I was unsure of his future. I learned through reading and researching the illness that he can become whatever he wants to in life for the most part if he works really hard and puts in dedication. For example there is an attorney that has schizophrenia and she did not let her illness stop her from doing what she wanted to do in life. I think that you have a good idea by starting off with volunteering and explore some of the things you would like to do in life and go for it. All you can do is try.

thanks "ineedanswer"

hi mark. long time no see. :)

i think volunteering is a great thing to do. good luck!!!

thanks Mojo Paw! Good to see you!