It's very little to go on and did have some thoughts on it. One was are you seeing a Tdoc as it does help to bounce some ideas off sometimes and would help to express more just how you are feeling at the time. It is common for mental healthy people just to feel flat and out of sorts at times. With the beating yourself up wondered if there is negative self talk which is worth bring up to a Pdoc. Most of us here that I've come across are on a Antidepressant as well as the antipsychotic which generally helps with what you are describing.. I generally find DS a good distraction and a good place to find friendship and support. While we all have an offline life as well find it all helps.

Thanks Max! :)

I dont have the answers for you, but seeing a person in real life would be more helpful than talking to people online, in my opinion. But I have the same problem and don't have any friends in real life.

With Blackbursts post reminded me of my own basic life. I was recommended an offline Social : support group for mental illness by a Tdoc . It's been a life saver more then once and has helped me in a few aspects in my current life including friendships. . Getting info on what local help is available to me. etc etc.. So do recommend joining one. Of course if there is no local group you could start one up.

ill be a friend, i don't have any except for here, really... i used to have friends. but as i have aged they all went their own ways. i walk my dog to get outside and separate myself from being in the same environment
all the time. its always a positive experience, no matter how short the walk. i recommend it as a way adding to your day some positive me time, and doing it every day helps to reinforce that your actually doing something to improve your life, rather than just looking at it from the sidelines.

It sounds like what you want and what you tell yourself are 2 different things. You want to feel good with a friend and get away from the heavy stuff but you have this huge negative dialogue going on in your head beating yourself up over everything. You even alluded to physically beating yourself. That is where Max's suggestion comes in. You really need to be seeing a tdoc and get some therapy. You cant love others when you hate yourself. It repels people. A therapist will help you figure out the root of your problems, how to get past them, what to replace them with and how to get on with your life in a positive way. A pdoc is helpful too if you are not already seeing one to get on some meds because what you are feeling is beyond the norm. There is a book by Dale Carnegie called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" that is very good and has helped me get through social situations and practice with people socially. Anyway I hope you are feeling better than when you posted this.

While we are on books on communication also found the book He said, She said by Dr Lillian Glass a good read.. It's about closing the communication gap between the sexes. As the illness tends to take away a lot of our basic social skills with things like the withdrawal. Being in healthy supporting relationships can change the outlook of anyone.

Thanks a lot for your input. Sorry I am so late in getting back - haven't been online in a number of days. I appreciate what you guys wrote here. Thanks and Peace, Mark

i'll be your friend...i see my son go through this quite a bit...i agree w/ caz...take a walk..change the scenery...my thinking gets really strange if i'm alone for too long...we walk the dogs....makes them happy and the fresh air. seems to change my perspective...

my son prefers to be alone a lot...i see a change if he just goes to the store with me...i lure him with taco bell....works every time...hang in there hon...

thanks noel. the moods have been really low lately. though i went for a walk today and feel somewhat energized by it. i need to work at making that (excercise) a regularly scheduled thing. it really stinks what we have to deal with how much effort goes into managing the illness - and then again can't always do it to prevention. i wish i could always ward off this negative stuff - but i can't. I guess I kind of have to be ok with that. That's great that you take your son out, it really is true - when i hit the starbucks, where i use the wifi, i don't have time to feel as bad and the 'action' around me is fun to be in, energizing.

yaaa..... that's it mark... you have to create positive actions that have positive responses, and build them into habits. but even i cant afford starbucks everyday, lol