Schizophrenia Support Group
Schizophrenia is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a mental disorder characterized by impairments in the perception of reality and by significant social dysfunction. Untreated schizophrenia is typically characterized by demonstrating disorganized thinking and experiencing delusions or auditory hallucinations.
too long of a story to retell, it's all here anyway.
been doing some rethink on this. i based a lot on what my 'wife" (alter?) said one night. i had asked her to let me have my wife back, and made some reference to who was oroginal and who was alter. she looked at me: "how do you know that i'm not the original?" she said it with a lot of conviction but also in a very snide way.
since i don't know psychology much at all, much less shit like this, well, my tortured mind accepted the possibility that she was the original, this mean, cruel, very angry woman, the total opposite of my wonderful, loving, beautiful soul...wife.
she said this to me way back in march...around the time i last was with my wife and since then i have come to believe she was the original and my wife was the alter. now i am not so sure. my thought process is off-whack when it comes to this anyway. from different sources of info, probably not sure ones, i have changed my mind on this. doesn't the tortured mind of a person who suffers a disorder like this, who has suffered so much anquish, horrible experiences and the like, doesn't it "create" a protector? an alter who replaces the original when the original feels fear, threatened, and not in control? from what i have figured, based on possibly unreliable sources, isn't that what often opens? an alter, set up to protect the original, often who is opposite personality traits, etc, who is strong, can stand up for themselves and "protect" themselves created as an alter?
i am just having problems believing that the mean, vindictive and angry one is the original, because she is so much different from my wife who was so much of an empath, she could feel other people's pain, who was a nurse, nearly always in an alzheimer care facility, who was very loving, caring and with such a beauitful soul...was the original and not the totally mean, angry, vindictive and hateful one? hell this one even hated my "wife", often referring to her as a "slave" and being weak...which she sure as hell wasn't. i once tried to defend my wife when, who i now consider the actual alter...telling her my wife was no slave and was possibly the strongest woman i'd ever met. i was forced to shut up and was shut down before i could get any further...as if having me say anything in her defence would put a chink in the angry one's facade.
well i guess i am asking...don't those who suffer things like this, don't their minds create a protector, who takes over when they feel threatened, or apruptly live in fear and feel they don't have control?
i just can't believe that the angry, hateful and vindictive one was the original and my wife was the alter. everything inside of me, based on my experiences with her, and seeing how she lived her life screams at me, "she is the original!"
i don't think i am psychoanalyzing her. i am going by what i experienced and went through with her and trying to figure things out, as well as i can...fully knowing it is an impossible task.
when i was doing the alcohol-drug counseling thing, two of my clients were victims of DID, both self-medicated...one on Adderal (sp?) and Meth (not much different) and the other on alcohol and weed. The first one refused meds, the second took his meds. it wasn't my "job" to do psychotherapy but A/D therapy, but for me to do that also meant i had to attempt to understand their psych issues. couldn't really do that one since i had no training in that field...but at least, from them, i learned how to be observant and learn about their pasts.
i was basically doing ok surviving through with my wife until the situation changed when she started to feel the same fear she had before. this was when the "protector" showed up, with a more defined "reality"...and illusions of things true to her, but not real in the "real world" and not true to me. this was the biggest reason she...the alter, if you will...got rid of me. i now posed a threat to her reality with my reason and logic...plus she also used a past experience and reshaped it onto me.
i already understand...as a A-D counselor , not to get involved with attempting to council family members.
that was not and is not my goal, and i have never done that. my "goal", if you will, is trying to understand or at least get a grasp of who was who and some other things. my wife is basically "dead", killed off by her alter, oddly enough, to protect her, by the protector. i know IF my wife ever surfaces again, her brain will have "rewired" itself with a delusion to explain what happened in our relationship to have caused our split. i know my wife won't really be the same one ever again, there might be some similarities, even shared memories, but she won't be the same, as a way to protect her.
and no, i don't understand how the freakin' mind works, personally i don't think anybody does and that includes the specialists. i am simply going by my experiences, what happened and witnessing the vast differences between my wife and the protector. and btw, though this is just an objective view, of little to no importance: my wife had beautiful handwriting...most folks wouldn't be able to tell the difference between her and the protector, but just like me KNOWING the differences of "personality"...their handwriting, though similar is different in little ways.
the differences in personality and attitude between these two were as vastly different as night and day. yet it seemed, ONLY I could tell the differences, especially since the protector, also "being" a part of my wife, was able to fool, even the two fucking morons who had known her years before, who had been there for "round #1"...never knowing she was flipping from one to the other, depending on the situation.