Hi, I'm also new - just joined today. I read Allison's book a year ago. My son is 27. He's been to college (football scholarship) and quit, then to the Army Airborne 3 years and quit...then to Colorado with a fiancé and broke up after 6 mos... & now back home since 9/28/12. When he moved to Colorado I spent over $7000. "helping" him, (believing all his dramatic stories told in tears.) Over the past year I've struggled to understand how I can "help him - help himself." To that I've tried to help get him on his feet by paying for his college. (I agreed to pay tuition as long as he keeps a job, keeps an A & pays for his own gas to school, driving my car). Dumb! :( With all that, I am still dealing with the VERY same issues as I was last year (& in 2006 & in 2008.)

What I am telling you is the same story you've all read here... nothing is working as long as I continue to give him money and provide a roof over his head. He has the luxury to quit his job knowing I'll be here when he does. He has worked and quit more than 3 jobs since he's been here (can't get along with the boss, whatever). It's the exact same story as you've read in Allison's book. Bottom line, for this bad situation to progress in any sort of way I need to accept that I am the problem. I need to change my focus from him and his problems. I need to STOP giving him money and simply kick him out. Whatever happens, happens... he is living his choices. When I think of how my mother and father did it.. (with 5 daughters), we were never given any money and were asked move out immediately after high school. We're all successful and doing well...but with many, many growing pains in between. I pray for each and every family of these stories I've read on this webpage and want to thank you so, so, so much for sharing your story. If you're feeling like I am, it's very hard to do because I feel like such a failure. I will “go forward” though as God is telling me to do, trust Him with my son and Let go and let God.

We have a son who we all distanced ourselves from because he was using all his money on "herbal incense." After his car was impounded by the police due to drug paraphernalia, we decided to give him another chance. Our daughter picked him up at a homeless shelter and took him to a treatment center for evaluation. He is currently staying with us while he goes to personal counseling, drug counseling, and we are all going to family counseling.

The group does not get much activity but I am interested in generating more activity. I am struggling to disengage myself from my two adult sons. One is living at home with me and the other is being financially supported. I am working on setting more appropriate boundaries with them to make them independent but do not get any support from my wife who still looks on them as helpless.

Please share your story and maybe we can be helpful to one another.

Seems like this is my life as well. I have a son who has a fiance and a son (my grandson) who's 2. They love him to death but cant seem to get their life in order and be responsible. They moved recently (staying with friends for a few weeks) about an hour from me. I miss my grandson so much it hurts. But I think the reality of them getting their life together and making it on their own is much better not living 10 mins from me. That was too easy to stop by for a quick $50 or more loan "until payday".....right. So my fingers are crossed that this will work out for them, for us all. I've never prayed so hard for something and when there's a child involved it makes it much more complicated.

Good luck, stay strong.

I see my story here. My daughter is 33, yes 33! I was in denial and slow to recognize the real issues and that I was the enabler instead helping. I'm sure I haven't identified all the issues just yet. I've been searching for some kind of help when I found Allison's book. I'm just starting this journey to find answers. I have supported my grandson since he was born and he is now 12. Though they both live here, his mom is not involved in his life. As long as he need to be supported, I can't kick my daughter out but she makes my life miserable. I know that happiness is a choice, but easier to choose happiness when needs are met. Yet, I make efforts to choose happiness because "I'm suppose to" or my misery is my fault. LOL I need to seek help for real issues not ignore them by choosing some emotion. Maybe I'm wrong about that. I'm really kind of lost.

I am a widow and the grandmother to a 21 year old who I have been raising for some time. I am getting a copy of Alison Boetke's book today... I cannot find a support group in my area and am need of support. I have enabled my grandson for some time and I see him going deeper into a hole of drugs, accidents and no job. I have decided to not contribute any more to his downward spiral. He has so many opportunities to improve his life, but acts so immature and uncaring towards me and others... Thinking joining this group will be a good thing for encouragement and support...