Hi,
I just joined this group and am looking for some support, friendship and sharing with someone(s) dealing with issues with setting boundaries and stopping enabling. I want to create a happy life for myself and help my daughter and grandson without over attachment. My nearly 23 year old daughter lives at home with my husband and I, along with her 2 year old son. She graduated from college a year ago, and is unemployed, depressed, riddled with anxiety and on a methadone program for opiate addiction. She has been clean for 6 months which I know is a major accomplishment. Her ex-fiance is involved in her son's life but it is very mean to her. He was abusive when they were together so I guess things are better that way.

Hi, I just joined this group as well. I want to change my life and stop enabling my son. I have felt so isolated and like such a failure in trying to get him to change and become a productive member of society. After thousands of dollars and much heartache, I am beginning to see the light. I am the one who needs help.

Not sure why there is so little activity here; I am in the codependency discussion group also which has much more activity. My 33 old son is breaking down now that I am saying no to constant flow of money. He is homeless and yesterday just panicked and barraged me with class texts threats etc... This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I had a tough winter with my 11 year old grandson sick with cancer. I get that I am an enabler and codepedant, but there is a uniqueness to the mother child relationship that makes this soooo very confusing and difficult on an emotional level.

I know. I haven't heard from son since I gave in and sent him $200.00 last week, after I had said no more money would be sent. I fell into the trap and lie that this would go to lawyer to help keep his probation from being revolked. I don't know if he's homeless, eating, or what's going on. You are right, this relationship is not like any other (Mother & Child). I am not contacting him, every time I do, I get suckered into sending more money. I don't have it anymore and the +$20,000.00 I spend last year did no good!!!!!! He's addicted to pain meds and who knows what else. Won't go for treatment, just wants money to help get on feet he claims. But no amount of money has gotten him on his feet for over a few weeks. I have bought him 4 used cars in last 10 years, he gets hard up, he sells them for scrap and then crying that he has no way to get a job.

I hurt 24 hours a day for him. I'm sorry you are hurting too. But, it helps me to know I am not alone, that so many of you are going through this and stuggling to cope.

So sorry for the pain, I understand. Try the codependent discussion group on this site, it is very helpful too. I am seeing a therapist and that definitely helps. All I know is a day with no request or pleas or stories is a good day, and you need to have those days. I am going to change my phone number if I have to. My son is close by so putting up some barriers is hard. His cell phone will be off Monday because I'm not going to pay it for first time. That will cut down on texts and calls. Read Alliison Bottke's book every day.

How are you holding up? I am not getting clls from him since he has no cell minutes, but the couple he is staying with are calling asking lots of questions and they have money missing. If they get fed up with him he will be on the streets because no one else will let him come back because he has stolen them blind. He is a pathological liar and I don't know how that can even be fixed??

Pray for me to have courage.

I to read Allisons book everyday. Have 2 copies.

Hi Gritsouth
I am doing ok. I changed my cell phone number and had to get a no trespassing order. Now he has the car we pay for because I was foolish enough consign when I thought he would keep a job he had, in garage for repair which means we will get stuck with the deductible. He might have a job offer in Wisconsin but we would have to pay to get him there. I'm tempted just to get him out of town and still hope there's a tiny chance he would keep job, but overall so tired of his depend any and incompetence. Next step is restraining order because he now calls me at work all the time. It's so hard because I love him but I do know I am doing the right thing. I will pray for you we need strength and courage. I go to a therapist and that helps a lot and I talk to a few close friends and my husband

grit,
I hope you are ok. You have to "let go let God". You have done your best and you deserve some peace! I'm praying for you, stay strong.

Hi, it's been awhile since I've been back to this site. Son now homeless and calling me daily for help. My husband mad that I'm even talking to him. I want to be stong and I am praying for God to help my son. I was seeing a counselor, but I know what I have to do. Just hard to do it. I would pay for my son to go somewhere else for job, but he's never held a job over 6 months and would be calling for help there I'm afraid. He has no car now, no phone, no income, no home. Thanks for sharing with me. It helps.

Hi Grit! I havent been on this site for awhile and glad I checked! I'm going through similar baloney. Stay strong keep trying, you are giving him a gift by not helping him, although he sure won't think so and it doesn't feel like it to us! I am still giving money and need to stop!!!!! I am so tired tonight and need a clear refreshed mind to write to you. I'm going to bed ; Hugs and prayers sent your way; I'll write this weekend.
P

We just joined too and not sure but it sure would be nice to communicate with others in the group

I have an adopted son who I have been enabling for years. HE barely graduated high school and has been able to hold down jobs but has not started a real career yet. I have supported several training programs for him but he never flows through. I am supportin g him financially and want to stop. The worst part of my situation is that my wife offers me no support. Whenever I try to establish boundaries she tells me I don't love my son and I am not nice or not helping him. She sees her job as to coddle and always feel sorry for him. I cannot turn to her for support.
I support all those who are trying to set limits with their children They must find their own way. I live in Durham, NC and am looking for a support group. Has CODA been helpful to anyone?

Hi everyone! I also am just starting on this site. My son is 32 years old, has 5 children, a girlfriend who he doesn't want to be with. They have no heat. about to be evicted, about to have their electric shut off again etc. He has a job but it doesn't pay nearly enough to pay the bills. His girlfriend is bipolar or something. They have both gone on meds and gone to counseling but won't stay with either. I have just started to cut them off of money, paying their utilities, gas money etc. It is very, very hard!! I just want other people to interact with who has the same problems. Thanks for listening!

I can relate to the continued flow of money. Every time I give my 26 year old son money I disable his ability to learn how to do things on his own. I am more afraid of the backlash from my wife who always wants to "help him". This has been a long problem in our marriage. She does not want him to feel pain but I know he can do more. HOw can I help her see that?

Hi I am new to this group, reading the book and created all new boundaries for my 21 year old that he hates but I seem to be the insane one. We stopped with the money, car, everything except roof over his head (albeit that's probably next). I am just happy the book is reinforcing steps that I have already taken. But how do I continue to take them without feeling guilty every single time a new failure pops up?