The Racing mind struck a cord with me. Have you seen a mental health professional because it sounds like it could be bipolar illness. I have it, and that is way mine will do at times. Sounds like with all your stress a little nerve pill would help out . i take klonipins as needed and hydroxyzine. Being bipolar with RA as well is a bit tricky, never know if the fatigue is from your head or your body. Anyways good luck and hope you get some relief.

I agree with lisa - it sounds as though you definitely are having a stress reaction and no wonder! I'm sorry for all that you are going through.

Warm hugs,

Lynne

We make a good pair, sounds like me, alot. Fought like hell to keep it all together only to lose it all. I contribute the restless mind to the lack of use. I was a very active person, physically and mentally and now I just kind of exist. I stay away from the heavy sleep meds as I hate being so groggy during the day. A couple of gravol or otc sleep aids before bed, set my alarm so I am up in the morn. It took a long time but I did sort of get into a cycle. I hate not being able to stop my mind from going. Good luck & stay strong.

Tvlady, I am so sorry for all you are going thru. Just reading about the stress in your life made the hair on my arms stand on end. When did your Cobra end? I have just found out that since I was deemed disabled this year that Cobra may be extended for another 11 months. Go to usgov.org and look up disability there. It is odd, at least to me that you seem better at night. I always hurt the worse the night and early morning. I think you need to see your doctor and explain all the stress you are under. Maybe he can give you something for depression or anxiety. Many of here on DS take pills for those very symptoms. I am sorry about the loss of your husband and your job. Sounds like you are a fighter my friend..and that is exactly what it takes to deal with this beast! Good luck, marcia

Hi Sandie I am so sorry you are oin soo much pain. I can't even imagine it. I haven't had a flare since April.
It sounds like, you could have a hormonal imbalance. I don't know if you are suffering from the usual menopausal symptoms. It does sound like it. No sleep, hot flashes, mood swings, crying spells etc...
I got on Bio Identical Estrogen and Progesterone Cream. The result was amazing. The Progesterone calms you down and relaxes you, the estrogen takes care of the rest. If you can't afford the Bio Identical ones here is a Site that you could research Dr.John R.Lee. Also you may go to a Female Dr. Estrogen is also good for your bones and research has it that it may help RA and OA good luck, and I hope you feel better real soon.
bigi

Oh Tvlady, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I really don't have any suggestions as to what all is going on, save for one. The more I work, the worse I get. It's so easy to tax out the body. And it does make sense, as it's been said through these comments, that you could have some kind of deppression or other problem going on as well. I suffered depression, and it did make my symptoms worse. I had to take antidepressants since I was eighteen. I'll never forget a few years ago when I went to the doc. I had been off the meds for a while and she asked if maybe I thought I was getting depressed again. I laughed and told her who wouldn't! When you deal with this disease, depression is kind of a given.

I no longer take them, stopped last year. But they did make a difference.

I pray everything gets better for you hon. Hang in there and don't forget we're here for you.

Hi Sandie,

My advice is to never say you are sorry for being long - winded here, or spilling. These people "know." If you're like us, not too many people in our lives will ever understand, so we come here.

I can only reflect what's already been said. I wish I had better encouragement or advice. He heart goes out to you. While you body is beating up on itself, you are obiviously a very storong person just the same, and I see you getting to where you can recover.

Well...first and foremost you have found a good group of people here. Don't worry about saying too much, thats what we are here for. I can't help to much as I can sleep really well. But I do agree that if you push yourself to do too much, things will flare up and get worse. Its all in finding balance. Anyways, I do hope things can get better for you soon.

Your nights might be the best part of your day because your home and have stopped the mind and body from 'running' all day. High stress is a real killer when you have RA. I agree with Lisa and Lynn. It would be a very good idea if you could talk to a Mental Health Professional and talk about getting some meds for your high stress and possibly something to help you sleep. RA is just worse when we can't get a good nights sleep. I wish you all the luck. Don't ever worry about what you say here or how much. That's what we are here for is to try and encourage and help our friends. As much as we feel like giving up sometimes we must keep striving on. Never Give Up!!!! ;) Linda

Another type A personality pushes themselves into auto-immune disease. LOL. I would definitely seek a psychiatrist, because as an RA sufferer with bipolar disorder, you seem to have a lot of symptoms. The sad thing is, most people expect life to go well, especially if they work hard, and do the right things. Life rarely goes that way.

For me, my faith in Jesus Christ has made all the difference. Through the pain, the struggles, surgery, depression, martial issues and all the curve balls that have been thrown my way with multiple illnesses. I got a t-shirt in Texas this winter on vacation, that says, "God is in control." That is what keeps my head above water. Some people think it is a crutch, but I am happy to have a relationship with the Creator of heaven and earth, and to know that no matter what happens, God loves me, and will bring me through it. I don't LIKE everything that has happened to me. Particularly my liver issues because of the methx, my surgical reconstruction of my foot, not healing and dysphoria. But I am confident that "He who began a good work in me will complete it." I trust Jesus is making me into a better person, and each day He remains my comfort, my strength and my salvation.

I don't know whether you have any faith, just sharing what I believe, and has made the diffference in my life.

TVLady,

Let me first start by saying that I have my family praying for you. I was so choked and smothered by my own sufferings that the Lord had to allow me to see the condition of others. I have horrible insomnia and I was taking Ambien which I totally got used to. My eyes would open every 1 - 11/2 all night long. I've gone 48 hours with no sleep, several times. Today, I was prescribed something new, so we'll see what happens.

I don't want you to give up and I need you to hold on and keep going to the Lord with it. I wanted to give up so many times because I was always in pain. I'm married, 37, with three children and a full time job, so I always wanted to keep going but my body and condition would not let me. The pain, oh the pain. I've been on a number of inhibitors and just started my Remicade treatment today. Praise God. I feel pretty darn good, not 100%, but I know the Lord has had mercy on me after suffering soooo long.

I struggle with self medicating the pain with alcohol. Today, I had no desire to drink the pain away. I so don't want you to give up. If you notice the other day, my post said "is there light at the end of the tunnell?" so I know how you feel and I'm just now starting a new treatment.

BTW, I've had to go on Ativan and a couple of other depression meds, because what we have is very emotionally taxing. Pain is NO JOKE! It robs your very existence. I can't see beyond my pain during my flares. I never blame the Lord, because we each have our own cross to bear, but it's still very real.

The only thing I have to offer are words of encouragement. Keep on your docs until they find a solution and with your cobra expiring, I've read several posts where our meds are subsidized. If your dr. is unable to find those resources, I will be happy to do a search for you.

Try to get some true rest, you can only do what your body will allow you to. Lean on our Savior and those in this support group, because I have and it has helped. I've even made an appt. to see a Psychiatrist as well. It doesn't hurt.

May God Bless you very soon!

~Monda

One other thing. I was on the CPAP too for about six months and it's as annoying as you know what, so it takes some getting used to.

TVlady, I only wish I could take your pain from you. I too have major issues with sleeping. My "day" is the middle of the night. It serves me alright while my daughter is in school, but summers are a real killer. My family and I have learned to work around my sleeping issues. I have tried several meds. for my RA and still looking for the right cocktail for me. It will be found, some day. You have received a lot of good advice so far. Try to keep your chin as much as possible, talk to the Lord, and keep coming here to let it all out. We all have very broad shoulders and will be here for you.

Hi Sandie Im so sorry to hear of your troubles, I understand so well, I also am in incredible pain , off all meds due to liver complications, feel as ill as anything,Im almost afraid to sleep, because of the horrible state Im in when I wake.All of us here will listen to ou Sandie, I hope things ease up for you soon, Ill be thinking of you, I think you are very courageous, and strong,today I cried with the pain in my feet, for the first time, and felt ashamed, but I suppose sometimes you just have to let go a bit, love and hugs Triciaxxxxxx

I've been so overwhelmed by everyone's response to my story I think I've been in shock and speechless for a few days. I can never express to you that responded how it felt to be heard, understood and with such empathy! I thought "somebody gets me!" My family just doesn't get it, but I am slowly going to educate them and have already told them what I learned here about RA being "the disease that can't be seen." Maybe they will be able to understand why I can't go to a football game, climb the bleachers in 50-60 degree temps when I can barely put one foot in front of the other!

Bipolar theory: I've always thought of bipolar with extreme mood swings - highs and lows, and I don't do that. But you may be close since I do suffer from PTSD and have been having a lot of panic attacks since I moved across the country from Colorado. I am almost 63 so I am post-menopausal. I break out in a cold sweat (dfferent from a hot flash) but only my head sweats and it pours down my face and back of neck. Very embarassing and it's usually when I'm in a situation that is stressful, however slighly. I also get cotton-mouth during these times. Like when I shop at Walmart, for some reason. I try not to allow myself to feel stress because it seems to go straight to my joints and I just can't deal with more pain. I have Xanax to take when I start to feel anxiety/stress, but don't use it very often. I have been on Zoloft for several years that is supposed to treat the depression that accompanies RA so I don't know if I'm depressed or not, but I'm certainly not happy.

My Cobra expired in Sept 2008 after 18 months, then I had 2 months of Colorado's HIPPA insurance at $543 a month (my boss helped me pay it), but when I moved and was unemployed there was no way I could afford it, and it even increased to $600! Since I was awarded fully favorable disability after almost a 2 year wait I finally have insurance - Medicare Advantage starting 9/1 so I'm hoping I can get back on track with a new rheumy, get back on the Arava, lower the Prednisone dosage, and eventually get back to Orencia infusions - if it's covered. Surely one of the biologics will be approved. I had such good results with Orencia and Arava - I actually felt almost normal, but I've been off everything except prednisone for a year, and it almost feels like it did in the beginning. That, in itself, is depressing. And to top it off, I slipped getting into the tub tonight and slammed my already sore and swollen right knee against the tub, and it's already swollen and turning blue. AGGH!

Sleeping problem: I keep myself so busy on the computer every night to keep from thinking and dealing with everything and the TV is going constantly. Sometimes I have nightmares and flashbacks of the severe abuse I suffered at the hands of my husband. We were separated when he was killed driving drunk and the divorce was only weeks away from being final. He was living in filth in our brand new home, searching for some way to still control me. He managed to do that by refusing to allow our realtor to show the house so it couldn't be sold. He was living in it and not paying the mortgage so it was foreclosed one month after he died.It's still on my credit report. I had to be the one to pack what was left as he sold everything we owned, even the stove. He was cooking on a camp stove. Sole purpose was to control me and ruin me financially. He succeeded and I'm still paying for his funeral! He died at the end of 2003 and I'm still dealing with the memories of the abuse, the guilt that I didn't tell anyone so I validated it, and the guilt for staying 22 years. When I finally had my "last straw" I left with one suitcase and I've never regretted it. He stole my car even though there was a protection order against him and it took me 3 months to get it back through the courts.

One month after he lost all control over me he was dead. I'm not really religious but I do believe that God knows I'm a good person and that I love Him, and that I didn't deserve the terrible abuse. My RA wasn't diagnosed until 4 months after he died. If I had gotten it during our marriage the stress would have been unbearable, especially in the early days. I suddenly saw that He was leading me down a path I had no control over so I just followed along. Everything that has happened to me since Bill's death was perfectly timed and appropriate so I truly believe He walks you to it and then He walks you through it. I also believe that He took my husband out of my life so that I could have one without fear. He would've stalked me endlessly because I had the nerve to leave him "just like that." I have even considered that God gave me RA for taking Bill's life and I'm okay with that, but I don't think it works that way.

Thanks to everyone who put me in your prayers - I think it's worked because I have been feeling a little better and have had a couple nights sleep this week, so keep those prayers coming. It feels like I have found a safe haven and I appreciate you all so much!!

Sandie

Okay, once again, I'm long-winded, but you'all said it was okay and it has been good for me to face some of these things. Mostly I try so hard NOT to think about all those years I lost, and I think I do need to get back into therapy and face the past so that maybe I can have a future