Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group
Rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic, inflammatory, multisystem, autoimmune disorder. It is a disabling and painful condition which can lead to substantial loss of mobility due to pain and joint destruction. The disease is also systemic in that it often also affects many extra-articular tissues throughout the body including the skin, blood vessels, heart, lungs, and...
I want to rant and vent for a bit here.
This is hard.. Everyday seems so hard. I look at people that get in and out of there cars, that move there hands and that succed in the activitives of daily living and I am jealous. I think "they are so lucky to have a working body, to make plans and be able to rely on their body to work that day".
The question I keep asking myself is why. Why did God allow this? I know he loves me and hurts when I hurt. It confuses me so much to the plans He has for us..
I have three classes left, THREE. And then I will write my exam to be a registered nurse. I've wanted to be a nurse my entire life, nothing else.
I have spent years trying hard and working my butt off to get good grades and try and have confidence. And now my body is failing.
Sometimes I hate thinking about what ifs..
Like what if I wake up in the morning and I can't get out of bed.. What do I tell my nursing staff ?? Or what if I'm having a bad day.. How will I be the nurse I want to be?! I want hands on, I want to help people and love them. But, I'm worried I won't be able too.
:( I'm 22. I hope to live another 50 years!
I keep thinkin about remicade, the drug I'm on. He says it should send me into remission. I'm banking that I do. I need too.. I can't live like this.
During my two years of RA I have been learning about my pain. My pain tolerance is fairly I would say. Even my dr says so. So when I do hurt and can't bare the pain, I just wonder what My body's doing to me then..
The thing I'm struggling with the most is my appearance.
I take drive thrus now whenever possible and hate going into public. When someone asks me what happen to my leg I just want to burst into tears.. I hate looking "funny". I hate limping or slowly dragging my body. I hate not being able to stand to do my makeup or stay standing when we sing at church.. I hate looking like I broke my arm and hand when they hurt and not being able to do anything at all.. I hate being broken.
This is not my everyday. I have good days. And I love my good days im a completely average looking young woman. When i don't look like her I miss her deeply.
Sorry for the rant. It's just been one of those weeks.
Brittany
This is hard.. Everyday seems so hard. I look at people that get in and out of there cars, that move there hands and that succed in the activitives of daily living and I am jealous. I think "they are so lucky to have a working body, to make plans and be able to rely on their body to work that day".
The question I keep asking myself is why. Why did God allow this? I know he loves me and hurts when I hurt. It confuses me so much to the plans He has for us..
I have three classes left, THREE. And then I will write my exam to be a registered nurse. I've wanted to be a nurse my entire life, nothing else.
I have spent years trying hard and working my butt off to get good grades and try and have confidence. And now my body is failing.
Sometimes I hate thinking about what ifs..
Like what if I wake up in the morning and I can't get out of bed.. What do I tell my nursing staff ?? Or what if I'm having a bad day.. How will I be the nurse I want to be?! I want hands on, I want to help people and love them. But, I'm worried I won't be able too.
:( I'm 22. I hope to live another 50 years!
I keep thinkin about remicade, the drug I'm on. He says it should send me into remission. I'm banking that I do. I need too.. I can't live like this.
During my two years of RA I have been learning about my pain. My pain tolerance is fairly I would say. Even my dr says so. So when I do hurt and can't bare the pain, I just wonder what My body's doing to me then..
The thing I'm struggling with the most is my appearance.
I take drive thrus now whenever possible and hate going into public. When someone asks me what happen to my leg I just want to burst into tears.. I hate looking "funny". I hate limping or slowly dragging my body. I hate not being able to stand to do my makeup or stay standing when we sing at church.. I hate looking like I broke my arm and hand when they hurt and not being able to do anything at all.. I hate being broken.
This is not my everyday. I have good days. And I love my good days im a completely average looking young woman. When i don't look like her I miss her deeply.
Sorry for the rant. It's just been one of those weeks.
Brittany
I'm terribly sorry to hear that you are feeling down. Please know that your feelings are yours, they are certainly appropriate, and it's good to talk about them. If you ask me, the situations we find ourselves in fighting this terrible disease every day warrants these feelings. You have every right to feel this way.
The pain is horrendous. After work yesterday, I bet it took me at least thirty minutes just to get to my car. I was just so hurt and tired. I know exactly where you are coming from.
I am a nurse as well and I want to wish you the best with your exams to become registered! I don't think there is a more rewarding career available as nurses provide health and healthy choices to people when they are at their lowest point in their lives and they just aren't feeling well. I read an article last year that stated nursing is the most respected profession in the US. I believe you will find it a humbling and rewarding career path.
There seems to be an awful lot of nurses on this board as well. You are in good company Brittany!
I've been lucky to be in the nursing profession seventeen years. Lately, I have been feeling like I do not believe that I will be able to work until I get my thirty years in and it's terribly heartbreaking. I do promise to soldier on as long as possible.
I will tell you the one thing that helps me the most with this dang disease: Hope. Without it, I just don't think I could get out of bed in the morning. Without bringing religion into the conversation, I am ever hopeful that a different medication will help me when what I taking at the moment to duct tape myself together quits working.
And, I hold hope that there will be a next generation medication in the pipeline that will bring more fun and less pain into my life.
I wish you only the best because you deserve it!
Warm regards,
TheWino
Hang in there. We all have those ups and downs. We just hope for more ups.
I can relate to the classes situation, I am also just 3 short of my degree. I was laid off for 10 months a few years ago which would have been the perfect opportunity to get them completed (and have them paid for), but I was just not in a good place with my health at the time and knew that it would be a struggle to get to class let alone study and pass exams.
I am now taking a prep class to sit for my SPHR certification. The class is only one night a week for 3 hours, but that is taking it's toll on me.
Don't be afraid to ask for accommodations if you need them. I have avoided the "talk" if at all possible, but have come to a point that I just had to suck it up and ask. Once you get past that first request, it does get easier :)
I wish you the best in your journey, this is a great place to vent when you need to.
Hang in there,
Kim
Sometimes I kick myself for not taking my Dean's advice. I had the grades and ability to go for a PhD in medicine or biochemistry. I could've been on the front lines of research! Instead I took the safe route.
You my friend have a wonderful opportunity! Find a rheumy that's on the cutting edge to work for. You could not only be his assistant - but also be able to really get in the heads of the patients. The second you tell then you have it too - the floodgates will open. Things they might not tell the doc , they'll confide in you. You can become that bridge. You can make a difference!
I'm a firm believer that in a few decades we will discover the cause. As a chemist - I'm pretty positive it will be a man made chemical(s) that triggered all of these autoimmune diseases that plague first world countries. Wouldn't it be exciting to be on the front lines of that!
There are many success stories on here. Yes, for some of us it took over a decade to find true remission - but it does happen. And when it does for you I know you'll use the lessons learned to be a more empathic nurse than someone who's never been ill.
The future is so bright for you - pull out your shades!
We just gotta work with the cards we are dealt and play those cards to the best that we as an individual can!
when your body is having a not working great day, remember your intellect, wit and language is still going full speed. play the hand that you have on any given day and don't beat up on the package.
express your feeling anytime. we have other students studying on here also, you are in their good company also, including a 9th grader who just posted today.
hugs
Ros
It is in our makeup to keep looking forward and to continue to strive. For myself, I get frustrated that my body and my health problems hold me back. I envy those who move through life with ease. Yesterday at the grocery store I was having a very bad day. As I walked out of the store a little boy shouted, "Look at that lady, she is really limping!" Not the kind of attention I want by any means. I hate my appearance, too, even though at my age (60) you would think it wouldn't bother me.
You are entitled to vent on your bad days and this is the place to do it. I have no doubt that you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on track as a matter of fact.
Take care and I will be sending good thoughts your way.
All you can do is take one day at a time to get through what you need to do. When you have the good days do relish them. If you can when you have bad days try to stop and take your pain meds and do nothing. I have learned about my body in so many ways in what to do, how to plan activities, when to stop, when stronger pain meds are needed.
If you just started Remicaide you have to give it some time to work. And I do hope and pray it works for you. Sometimes these biologics work for a while and then they need to be switched. So be prepared for that one too. You just keep pushing to become a nurse and I am sure you will be a darn good one as you already know what pain and suffering is. There are many choices in nursing as to what field you would like to be in. You don't have to stress your body working on a heavy floor pulling and turning patients side to side. You will find your niche and what is best for you as you try to get a grip on this illness.. You are 22, I hope you have a nice long productive life of more than 72. You will be okay. You sing at church. That is a good thing. Just pray that you will be okay and for God to give you the strength to keep on keeping on. Many blessings to you... Vent anytime you need to vent.