I am so sorry you are going throught this, I understand so well what you are going through. My husband and my children don't understand at all. I get this answer alot. you just have arthritis!!!!!! Or if they only knew. I try to stay stong but sometimes I feel all alone and get more of a response from a stanger that my own family. I hope someday maybe our spouses will understand that being in pain ALL the time is hard to handle, but then again I don't wish that on even him. Use the people on this site to comfort you as I have done. Wishing you a pain free day and all the peace in the world.

mttazzie ..wow..that must have been hard and took some kahoonas (balls0 to leave him because he was over the top ..good for you ..wowwww.. when we are this sick it takes a special combination fo two people pulling there share ..sorry you had that added onto your life ...man !!!
BD great advice (as always )

You are right Blue.

To be brutally honest I know of couples with no medical interference that are not capable of "being there" for one another.
It sure can present challenges but with the right person it can build a stronger union.
My husband understands to a point. I get this disease impacts the entire family.
The expectations are to much for me. It's the one thing that bothers me.
Trust that your loved one will give what they can but don't demand or expect. As that will only bring hurt & negative emotions.
Pressure is another thing none of us need.

I sure understand Brittany's concerns yet I see so many problems with marriages that do not have the challenges of illness.
All you can give is your best. Trust your spouse loves you through it all.
Sammy

hello and welcome.I would say that first I think it is normal for a person in pain to unconsciously withdrawal when in pain. All we know what is happening is the pain and for it to stop..and we cut off everything else.
Try to let your husband be near you in these times comfort you if not physically but emotionally so he feels he in a way is being there for you.

Hi Brittany,
There really is no way to keep your RA from effecting every aspect of your life. While people who have never really experienced the pain and fatigue can not truly imagine how it feels they can have an understanding simply by reading some of the posts here. I was DX 8 years ago and have had the good and bad days, weeks, monthsMy husband who is not the most understanding person in the world was having problems seeing the changes in me. He loves to read so I sat him here a couple of years ago and said"Just scroll though some of the posts and tell me what you think." He was shocked at how similar the stories are and how so many of us feel like people think we are making this stuff up. His attitude changed a bit. This disease is going to change your life both you and your husband have to be willing to roll with the punches. Try giving him a little education on the subject and see if that helps him understand. And most of all don't feel guilty for taking care of you.
Peace and HUgs,
Jan

I'm new to this board as of today as a member of the group. Now that I'm here, this post really hit home for me. I have always been the healthy one in my entire family with being sick maybe once or twice a year at my worst. I was always active outside with the yard work, homework, etc. I also do all of the cooking and have always helped out with cooking, cleaning, etc. in the home.

Suddenly, 5 years ago, my world turned upside down. My wife noticed I was having issues with small things such as screwing something into the wall. I 'sat' on it for 6 months and finally after my hands getting tighter and not being able to even use an ink pen to fill out paperwork, I was checked and dx'd with seronegative RA. Over the past few years, our marriage has been tested over and over. Date nights have almost diminished because my energy level just goes downhill so fast. I even take naps and I'm still affected. We go shopping and by the time we get out of the first store, my body is just dragging. The 2nd store, I find a bench to sit on until she is done. We don't even attempt a 3rd store or beyond. I barely can help anymore with general household duties such as cleaning or even cooking because I either hurt so badly or just want to fall to the ground and literally not move. Mostly she is understanding but there are times that she isn't as understanding because maybe 3 of our youngest girls are screaming their heads off at one another and she needs my help.
I completely understand what you are going through. We all love our spouses and so strongly want them to understand what we are going through. I want her to have all of the help she can get from me. I have just learned that I can only do what I can do. When I feel great, I push myself and help out wherever I can possibly and even try to do little romantic things such as send her flowers, write little love notes on the bathroom window when she wakes up in the morning and finds.....things that I can do to express my love to her even when I'm not feeling so 'loving' due to pain.

It is really hard for family to get it. My husband kinda gets it sometimes unless it really impacts his life. He gets really frustrated that there are days it's all I can do to drive home from work, By then I just want to go to bed and relax maybe take a nap. I usually end up making dinner and cleaning up from dinner while he drives kids around. I think part of the problem is there are days I just need to tough it out because if I don't do dinner or drive someone some where or go grocery shopping it doesn't get done. I usually pay for it later but things need to get done. My kids don't really get it. It is sad that my little guy who is 6 says he has a headache and needs a ice pack. Just like mom. The older ones just want me to get them where they need to go or do something for them. My daughter has a ton of stuff going on and if I don't do things with her they don't get done. My husband helps the boys with their stuff. It is just hard. I get pretty down when I just can't do things or I think oh my god this will probably get worse over time. I guess we just need to keep educating our family and explain that it's not because we don't want to it is just we can't sometimes.