hi vjewel, Sure I can relate to what you are saying.
I think this could be a really cool and interesting thread.

I hate that cliche phrase "everything happens for a reason"
I don't know if that is quite true, but I do believe this disease has caused me to be more introspective and has caused me to make changes in regards to how I see myself and others.

I believe I have more empathy for others who are in pain and are suffering. I think I may be even overly sensitive sometimes.
but compassion and patience is something I didn't have too much of before I got sick. I have improved in that area.

I think anyone with RA can choose either one of two things you can either get angrier and angrier and crankier and crankier or you look inwardly and really do some self examining, and learn to recognize flaws and see what needs to change and you just figure out what is the best approach in how to deal with the situation.
Being impatience is not really beneficial to us, And patience, that was a big one for me, I have learned to be more patient, you can't rush walking ten feet if you are in excrutiating pain, you can't make your body do things quickly if it is not able to, you can't
get the house spotless when you are wiped out and have no energy.
I have learned to get priorities straight and just learn to let certain things go or just wait. You can't hurry a check out line at the supermarket, you can either sigh and tutt and puff. or you chill and practice breathing and learn to be present and you basically learn that stress just exasperates the pain and frustration, so yeah patience is something I have gained more of.
I am not the totally peaceful chilled out person I would like to be, but have improved a lot over the years.

Also I know I have become brilliant at adapting to situations and learned how to be resourceful. I have learned and accepted that you can't predict from one minute to the next what life may bring, it's a scary things sometimes, but we basically have no control really. Just got to let the control go!

I like what you said about loving yourself and accepting your appearance.
I was also raised in a family where looks, being slim and fashion and hairstyle and makeup was all the thing. I didn't quite follow the trend but my mother and sister made it like that those things were soooo important and so I didn't quite learn about self esteem coming from within.

And now there are days I have not felt up to par to do any of that and have been ok going to the store au naturale...and just learning to accept that this is who I am without all the tinsel and glitz.
Flat shoes and walking cane. Oh lovely! i still think I might decorate my cane and make it a bit more funky! to suit my personality.

I think I had a fab figure before I got sick, and was proud of it, well I can't fall upon that asset anymore to make myself feel good about myself. gained 40+ pounds, joints are crooked and deformed and so now I have to learn to look beyond the outer shell and try and see what others see, On good days I notice I have pretty eyes, and a nice smile and I realize that I am a pretty cool person, funny too, and kind to others and animals and lots of other things I was missing about myself before.

I don't know if RA can take all the credit for these changes, It could be partially to do with maturity, age, life experiences,....Dr.Phil.. Lol....

Great thread vjewel! So often we only see the hard, bitter, depressing side of RA. I'm newly diagnosed, Dec 09. I definitely take the time to DO things w/ my children where before I sat on the sidelines and observed. I climb on that sled, throw on those skates and LIVE w/ them. It may take me longer but it's well worth it.

Great idea.....I'm all about being possitive ;)

1) I've learned that the world will not explode if I neglet to get everything done.

2) I've learned to lean more on the Lord

3) I'm able to help other people that I encounter that are new to this disease. (This one's my favorite)

4) I've discovered how caring and helpful my husband and children are.

5) I've discovered a lot of good books (I do so love to read)

6) Lastly, I've learned the rewards of a proper diet and some good excersise.

No offense to you vjewel, as I indeed applaud your ability to turn lemons into lemonade. However I do think people can make an idol of positive thinking at times, which ignores our basic emotionality and humanity.

Why is it not ok to just feel bad that we have a crippling, incurable disease which reduces some of us to dust? Why is it not ok to feel heart broken about the fact that illness these days means many of us will be sentenanced to poverty, and many more will never receive the medical care they need? Why is it not ok to mourn the fact that toxic drugs make some of us unable to have children, and that it can steal what was a once productive career? Chronic illnesses cause the divorce rate of those marriages affected to soar to 75%...should these people be forced into feeling "positive"?

I'm not saying we all need to dwell on our misery to the point where we can't function, but I do think grief, anger, and depression are a normal response to a disease as serious as RA. It is wonderful to work towards having a positive outlook...but sometimes I think it's time to just call a spade a spade and say "it sucks". People get frustrated with my resistance at putting a "positive spin" on what this disese has done to me, but I certainly don't believe that I am less evolved because I speak *my* truth...which is that RA sucks.

I hope people here will take these comments as they were intended, as simply an alternative opinion...this is not a personal attack on anyone's mind-set.

Dearest DeathWarm....Please know I totally hear you. When RA struck my 13yrs ago I was totally debilitated; and to this day, have never, ever had a "pain free day!" I have always said, "when it hurts your body to breathe, that's pain!" Believe me, I have done my share of anger, rage, and at times still grieve the loss of my once strong and mobile body.......My two children and family members stopped coming around (I don't think they could stand to see my pain) although this family situation has gotten much better; it was and still is a very lonely, scary, frightening situation for me. As with you, I am sure, I spent zillions of days/night being so angry I couldn't see straight....Who would take care of me; who would pay my bills; who would understand, etc. actually thinking of ending my life..... somehow thru these years I decided to acknowledge
"any" good I felt had come from this horrific situation........and, I began to see things differently.......I can't explain it, I am just grateful the awareness happened.
I still am scared many times and feel lonely and frightened.....I still cry myself to sleep at times (when I sleep)!
I have noooooooo problem with others feeling angry, mad, grieving as I do understand.......I just wanted to share what has happened to me in my process!
Blessings to all of you and thanks for your input!

I am also much more inclined to get in the action with my kids as much as I can.
I also am much more aware of the gift of good health. I will not take the elements of good health that I do still have for granted again.
I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but my priorities have changed for the better.
I also appreciate my husband in so many new ways. He is my world. I truly don't know what I would do without him. I feel sorry for him having to deal with me sometimes. But then again, I have to deal with him too!

I personally hope the "Real World Symptoms" post gets lost forever. I think it's a totally useless piece of junk. Most of the symptoms that are mentioned could very well be from a whole host of illnesses. I understand that people want to feel that they're not alone, but I don't understand how that piece of junk can help anyone. It's not education; just an annoying toy.

I'm pleased for all of you who see the world through new eyes. I personally don't see anything good about RA, no matter how hard I try. I was forced to give up my career prematurely, I've drained my savings with medical bills at a time I was hoping to retire comfortably. I've passed through dark and painful days, hopefully forever, but I remember them. And I can relate to those who don't find better.

RA and related illnesses have forced me to work harder to find the quality of life I'd come to expect, and I've found satisfaction in that. I've worked my ass off to reach a decent place, but I know how lucky I am. I also know that no matter how I wish it were different, my good fortunate won't ever reach others. Some of us won't ever find relief through drugs, exercise, diet, positive thinking, education, supplements, prayer or magic. A sad reality, but true.

RA is a cruel, unrelentless disease. Some of us find a way out, some of us see a light down the tunnel, some of us are able to see a more beautiful place and be content and some are stuck in hell. Simple truth.

But, always do what you can.

Personally, I find merit in seeing both vjewel's and death's reactions to this lovely disease called RA.(affectionately known as arthur)

As cliche as it may sound "you have to deal with the cards you are dealt." RA isn't something that we can have hope will disappear. If wishing and pure will could do that I would have been rid of RA years ago.

I guess it all comes down to if you look at life with the glass half full or half empty. I prefer to look at it half full, and like vjewel and others that is due to me being dealt the RA hand.

I have been angry, enraged, sad, self pitying and any negative things you can name. But, over time ( yes time is the all important equalizer)I have learned that all of these negative feelings only hurts me and angers the disease that put me in this dilemma in the first place.

I have garnered strength where I didn't realize I possessed it, become a more commpassionate individual, but mostly have learned ( yes thru hard knocks) the really, I mean REALLY important things in my life.

I have learned how fortunate I am to have a supportive husband and family that quietly champions my cause. I am blessed with a grandchild and another on the way.I am fortunate to have dear friends that let me lean on them when the going gets tough!

I have learned to not take for the granted waking to a new day. Trite yes, but I am happy to be alive even on the worst and most painful days. Although not satisfied with the status quo, I have learned to be pro active about my disease. When the really bad days come I try to focus on "this to shall pass" and tommorrow is a new day." I have learned to rationlize situations and systematically work through them. Sometimes I feel helpless and useless, but those times are far and few due to good doctors, a good support system and drugs to help me through.

I am not religious perse, but I am very spirtual in nature and have learned to trust and rely on the inner strength that spirtualism gives me. It allows me patience and the abilty to accept what I cannot change.

I am not a rah rah girl by any stretch of the imagination, but, I choose my battles carefully. I choose my battles carefully because I don't want to waste precious time filling the air with toxins that only bounce back to effect my symptoms of RA.

I now take time to stop and smell the roses, never taking any day for granted. I appreciate that I can have options with my treatment and that I am able to do things now because of choices I have made.

RA has been my journey since 1997. A lot happens to a person over time.

My mother taught me at a young age, " that if you compare your problems with another, 99% of the time you would choose your problems over theirs."

Life doesn't stop when bad things happen to us and it is continually evolving.

Whenever I get out my pity pot (yes I do)I try to visualize the quadrapaglic who paints with a brush in his mouth, or the amputee that hubbles with one leg on crutches. The heroic people that suffer burns all over their bodies and yet still push onward because they see a value in life over death.

I am angry that my cobra premiums are 150% because I have had it extended due to being disabled. I am angry the economy is in the tank. I am bitter that my husband has been out of work for 2 years and many luxuries I once took for granted are no longer affordable to me...I could go on and on but I ask you what is the point?

Point being that how we deal mentally with our RA is no different than how we deal with the eveyday problems that infiltrate our lives.

It boils down to 2 choices. The choice to be bitter and angry because "why you" or the choice to accept the things you cannot change and live life on your own terms the best you can.

In closing, RA has taught me to not look too far up the road because I may not like what I see. So I put on those blinders and take one step as well as one day at a time.

I am such a 'newbie' to be replying to this post. The comments of those who have had this disease longer than me & who have lost so much due to RA sit with me & will for sometime. Living with RA means that I too could get worse any day & there are probably many more losses to come.

For me, I celebrate the good days because I am thankful for being able to get out of bed & be a mum to my children. I am thankful that I could have children before I was diagnosed with RA & feel so sad for other women with RA that will struggle to conceive & become a mum. And of course, for men who will struggle to become fathers.

Life is a gift but it feels cheaper somehow. It feels like calamity can come at anytime & illness always my shadow. No plans can be made (not even spontaneous day-to-day options) without considering RA.

I find it hard to fathom that some family & friends who I have been very kind & caring to for many years have not been in contact with me despite my efforts since I have become sick. So I don't expect much from people but am ever so thankful when people are kind.

I hate this disease & always will. But, it has not robbed me of my life & I will not let it win. I can chose to be loving & kind to those around me & I believe that I can chose to be happy & glad to be alive.

I think since RA I am more disciplined in my mind and try to expend mental, emotional & physical energy only in the areas that I want to.

But... I hate RA. I see my children struggle with it when I am so sick & I am tired of people telling me that my kids will grow up resilient & with more empathy & maturity. Life is tough enough without having challenges like this as a child & having a sick, crippled mum as possibly your earliest memory. How sad that I couldn't protect them from the disappointments of life at their tender age.

I definitely believe that people with RA are brave & courageous and for that, I salute you (& me!)!!!

Hello Again........Please let me share........I HATE RA!
It has too robbed me of much! And......if there were a choice, of course I would not have chosen this horrific dis-ease!
I am not saying RA is good (I HATE IT)......I am saying it has made me a much kinder, understanding, compassionate, grateful person toward life in general!
Never before would I have been soooooooo aware of the beauty of Mother Nature(the smell of a flower or the movement of a hummingbird) the joy of a child, etc.
RA has changed my perception on almost everything and I am grateful to have that awareness.....
It's not about being "positive" during this dredded Dis-eae; for me, it's trying to find something that gives me a little inner-peace and I have been blessed to do that.
Thanks for the feedback!
Maybe I posted wrong......finding Inner-Peace amid the Horrific
Storm would of been better.
Feeling this gives me a litte HOPE when I feel sooooooooo very HELPLESS!
Just wanted others to share "any ways" they were and are able to find PEACE during this Storm as it makes me feel good to read them!
BLESSINGS TO ALL!
Vicki

I think we all know RA SUCKS! Come on! I frigging hate this disease and all that goes with it. Are you kidding. So you think at 25 I was filled with the joys of springs and started singing Monty Python's "Always look on the bright side of life?" No way!

There are plenty of RA sucks threads here at DS. And rightly so. We need them. The stories tell the hard core truth! there is no cover up and sweep it under the carpet. The people here at DS tell their real life struggle with RA, these stories are being told and we listen and hear them and can understand and relate completely. We all go through it. There are posts that are heart wrenching and painful and sad to read. I have vented and posted myself more than once. And I am sure there will be more to come from me. And I know that people here "get it" and support me and understand where I am coming from and vice versa.

I have cried a river of tears. I have been angry and mad at the world.

This thread is just some down time. A window into something different, a window into something lighter and less heavier on the heart.

***This thread does not negate the crap that we endure***

Vicki, I don't think you need to explain yourself. I got what you were saying. You can hate and hate and be angry and mad and say RA sucks all day long. But for me that doesn't work long term. It doesn't work for me personally because otherwise I would have killed myself a long while ago.

I don't see this thread as a "think positive and feel all fuzzy and warm feel good thread"

This is a thread of how we friggin cope with RA and how we carry on living and how somewhere in all the sh*t we have learned something about ourselves and perhaps some positive changes have come about.

Thank-you all for sharing!
I enjoyed/enjoy reading your posts!