Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group
Rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic, inflammatory, multisystem, autoimmune disorder. It is a disabling and painful condition which can lead to substantial loss of mobility due to pain and joint destruction. The disease is also systemic in that it often also affects many extra-articular tissues throughout the body including the skin, blood vessels, heart, lungs, and...
Last January 2015 when all these crazy symptoms started showing up, I had no idea what was going on. As months passed it got worse. Finally August I was given the RF test and it was positive. By September I was experiencing my first flare, and at the time, although I had not seen a Rheumy yet but only had the RF test from my PCP, I had no idea it was a flare or what a flare even was.
We had a camping trip coming up at the end of the month at the beach with our horses and our riding group. I was excited but also scared as hell. How would I lift the saddle onto my horse? How would I smile and act like everything was just great. I was stressed and suffering major depression and anxiety but told no one in my family. I had also just had a root canal so I was thankful to have Vicodin. I could barely get out of the bed in the camper every morning let alone ride. But I did it. I was slow to start and even got yelled at by my husband because I was holding everyone up. That didn't help the situation. I was a wreck that whole weekend and had to wear my Vionic flip flops when I wasn't riding because my boots hurt my feet so bad if worn all day. I was a wreck riding my horse just because how I felt. No one knew, no one understood. If you don't have RA...you don't know what it's like. I got into an argument with my husband as we rode on the beach because he could not go off faster on his horse because I was not in the frame of mind to deal with my horse as she would throw a tantrum if held back.He blamed it on me having the "wrong horse" for me. It wasn't about the horse, it was about me and my pain.
To hurry my story up.....months went by and as treatment started I felt better. We ride the most we can but 2015 was hot and humid and didn't ride as much. Yesterday I celebrated 2 years with my mare, Mercy. That's her in my avatar. I bought her as a 6 year old who was started late. I was ready for "more horse" as I started riding late in life...at 39. I am 50 now and the RA has made me hurt and most of all stiff. My daughter and husband both mentioned how stiff I had looked at the Xmas party while dancing. Never thought about the stiffness we get.
The last 2 Sunday's that I rode I was dumped by her. That was the first time in 7 years I had ever come off a horse. I had never come off her. She could spook and spin like there was no tomorrow and I could sit it. Both times I hit dirt she took off but always ran about 50 feet and stopped. She's a sweet girl but if anyone is a horse person, she's a mare and she can have a different day every day. I always said I would never buy a mare due to that reason. But after coming off twice in a week, I can't take any chances. You should see the bruises on my back and bottom. Lucky I didn't break anything. So I am calling the lady I bought her from today (who has a great rep and will train and sell her for me) and help me find a nice quite horse. A gelding (boy) who are the same everyday unlike mares. My heart hurts but I am not 20 nor am I a healthy 50 year old. But my horses are the reason I get out of bed every morning. They make my pain bearable and give me peace. They are my therapy and to not have them in my life would be torture. RA may take away one spunky horse but I'll be darned if I am giving up altogether.
Wish me luck in my search for a new partner and my girl sells quickly.
We had a camping trip coming up at the end of the month at the beach with our horses and our riding group. I was excited but also scared as hell. How would I lift the saddle onto my horse? How would I smile and act like everything was just great. I was stressed and suffering major depression and anxiety but told no one in my family. I had also just had a root canal so I was thankful to have Vicodin. I could barely get out of the bed in the camper every morning let alone ride. But I did it. I was slow to start and even got yelled at by my husband because I was holding everyone up. That didn't help the situation. I was a wreck that whole weekend and had to wear my Vionic flip flops when I wasn't riding because my boots hurt my feet so bad if worn all day. I was a wreck riding my horse just because how I felt. No one knew, no one understood. If you don't have RA...you don't know what it's like. I got into an argument with my husband as we rode on the beach because he could not go off faster on his horse because I was not in the frame of mind to deal with my horse as she would throw a tantrum if held back.He blamed it on me having the "wrong horse" for me. It wasn't about the horse, it was about me and my pain.
To hurry my story up.....months went by and as treatment started I felt better. We ride the most we can but 2015 was hot and humid and didn't ride as much. Yesterday I celebrated 2 years with my mare, Mercy. That's her in my avatar. I bought her as a 6 year old who was started late. I was ready for "more horse" as I started riding late in life...at 39. I am 50 now and the RA has made me hurt and most of all stiff. My daughter and husband both mentioned how stiff I had looked at the Xmas party while dancing. Never thought about the stiffness we get.
The last 2 Sunday's that I rode I was dumped by her. That was the first time in 7 years I had ever come off a horse. I had never come off her. She could spook and spin like there was no tomorrow and I could sit it. Both times I hit dirt she took off but always ran about 50 feet and stopped. She's a sweet girl but if anyone is a horse person, she's a mare and she can have a different day every day. I always said I would never buy a mare due to that reason. But after coming off twice in a week, I can't take any chances. You should see the bruises on my back and bottom. Lucky I didn't break anything. So I am calling the lady I bought her from today (who has a great rep and will train and sell her for me) and help me find a nice quite horse. A gelding (boy) who are the same everyday unlike mares. My heart hurts but I am not 20 nor am I a healthy 50 year old. But my horses are the reason I get out of bed every morning. They make my pain bearable and give me peace. They are my therapy and to not have them in my life would be torture. RA may take away one spunky horse but I'll be darned if I am giving up altogether.
Wish me luck in my search for a new partner and my girl sells quickly.
I had to give up a 20 year part-time job that I really loved. I was a teacher for the Wilton cake decorating business and helped several people get a job or start their own business.....one was trying to escape a domestic violence situation and I gave her lessons and help on the side until she was ready to get a job. She eventually opened her own business, too.
It hurt to admit I was disabled but right now, I'm trying to help my brother accept the same thing and it's really hard for him. His self-esteem is so linked to his work. But he has major heart problems and was told he wouldn't make it to his 70th birthday which was Dec. 12th. He made it and then had a stroke on the 14th. Still thinks he can walk 6 miles a day at product conventions in Dallas and Las Vegas this month. I keep telling him he owes it to his wife to try to survive as long as possible by taking it easy and slowing down....accepting his limitations.
Ra, like heart failure or broken necks, can really be disabling.
gentle hugs.............Jen
Spunky was good when I was but not now. I would never be able to enjoy myself. I called the trainer who I bought her from and she is going to take her in and tune her up and sell her. I'm lucky I put 2 good years into her and the $$$ goes up with that. Only thing is she has no space until end of January or beginning of February. Patience. But what I didn't understand is her husband was diagnosed with RA 6 years ago so she gets it. We talked for a good hour. I'm excited.
It must have been hard Jen to give up what you love so much.
Sorry about your brother. Sometimes it's so hard not to feel helpless.
What's nice is the trainer had mentioned the woman who originally sold her (because she fell in garage and broke her ankle) is looking for another horse and really loved her. Maybe she'll get her back.
I had a gelding I sold 7 years ago I would love to get back now. He would have been perfect now. I was just learning to ride then and at 39 bought a 4 year old. Not wise. But even now I could have taken him on as a 5 year old even with RA. He was a once in a life time horse.
Ya know.....The Universe really has a way of working things out. I always say my ADHD was a blessing because that was diagnosed first and those meds actually relieve a lot of the pain. Only bad thing is I take my pill at 7:30 AM and it takes about 45 minutes to kick in and the second one I split through out the day until about 1 PM.
If I couldn't ride.....Riding is not my whole life but it makes my life whole.
And of course today I'm having a HORRIBLE start to the morning because I feel so ill. I'm on a crying binge and the funniest thing started it. Each morning I go out to feed etc and take the 3 small pooches....2 Chi's and my Maltese. I then come back in and they all go into the laundry room kennel until I am out of the shower etc. One of them we rescued and we've had her just about 2 years but she is so fragile and scared. I thought I put them all away but I go into my office and sit to get messages. I hear breathing behind me and I look to see I forgot to put her away. She had this "please don't hurt me look" in her big sad eye's. I just picked her up and hugged and kissed her and the tears came....and they are still here. Then thinking over Mercy my horse........California won't have a drought much longer if I keep it up. lol
I was a total wreck for 7 years. It took me hours to get out of bed. Then I found a good combo with a DMARD and a biologic and I got back a lot of my health. I got into bicycle riding, up to 35 km a day
I've had a few med failures since, but I managed to keep riding till this year. But I am feeling better every day with a new combo.
So I hope you will keep pressing your rheumatologist for better meds. Not just for riding the horse, but for living in general.
And I know it is hard to admit the pain, when you don't "look" sick! I did that for years. My daughter picked up on it immediately, but my husband has his head in the clouds. It wasn't till I had my foot reconstructed he woke up and realized the damage RA had done to me. He has been really good since then especially this year, with the complete failure of my meds! I hope you can admit to your family what is going on, and ask them for help when needed. Sometimes they just don't realize or understand.
I'm a horse nut myself. I've had horses since I was 12. I'm 52 now. There's been a few years here/there that I was "gaitless", but I always got another one, lol.
My last horse died about 6 yrs ago. Doc was 25. I had owned him since he was 9. Best horse ever. I had planned on getting another one in a year or so, just wanted to wait until my granddaughter was a bit older and I had more time to spend with my horses.
Then RA showed up. There are days when it's not that bad, but then there are days when getting out of bed is a major accomplishment. I still want another horse. I still have my saddles, bridles and everything. I have sold my trailer, didn't want it to rust sitting out in the pasture. I planned on getting something gaited, MFT, TW or gaited App ( I had one as a teenager & loved him!). Honestly, I don't think I ever will be able to get one. I just don't have the energy. A lot of work goes into keeping horses and I'm not sure I have it in me any more. It's a bitter pill to swallow.
You keep on doing what you can. Sell Mercy and find you a nice quiet gelding. Ride as long as you can! Enjoy yourself and have fun. Take shorter rides and let everyone know how you feel and what your going through. Your true friends will understand.
Ride one for me!
Kim
You got a good eye. Yes, she is a MFT. The funny thing is when I went looking for a horse 2 years ago I said I didn't want a mare, never liked palomino and was not a fan of MFT;s. lol.
I actually started riding late in life. I was 39 when I got my first horse and did the rookie mistake of buying a 4 year old TWH. A gelding, not a mean bone in his body. Tried to make it work for 3 1/ 2 years but finally sold him after a bad fall. I was too green and so was he. But he was so gentle I could have taken him with my RA now as a 5 year old. It tore my heart apart to sell him.
Then a friend I had made on a horse forum said she had the perfect horse for me. I had started messaging her about Peruvians because I had a few lessons on one. She said to me, "I have a 17 year old stallion that if you geld will bring your confidence back." Of course everyone I told looked at me cross eyed. I drove from Socal to the Bay area and rode him 5 minutes and brought him home. Gelded him 2 weeks later and we became an amazing team. I had him for 5 years. I lost him 2 years ago to DSLD. I knew I was ready for "more horse" as well. Mercy was that horse and she was/is a little firecracker but with my health I need a quite gelding and also I learned not to mix herds. My husband and daughter have TWH's both geldings.
I hope you get back in the saddle again too. There's nothing better for the soul than a horse. But you already know that. It's nice you still have all your tack at least!
The woman I bought Mercy from will sell her for me and find me another. I found out when I called her, her husband was diagnosed with RA 6 years ago so she knows what I need. She is 63 and still riding. She said I need gaited, gelding, short and broke. lol I told her any make or model as long as he fits the above criteria.
You get yourself back on a horse one day! We're still young and can't let this disease define us.
I didnt try to ride again at first as I was never a great rider rather just pleasure round the farm or hill trekking. Also it takes me a while to get into that companionship/mutual understanding which is important with a horse.
However some seven years into the illness I had the chance to join a trek in central America. Just a short day thing into some hills and back along a lake shore so I plucked up courage and did. It was a risk (especially as my insurance wouldnt have covered me...) and by then on bone thinning medication because of what prednisone has done but it was bliss and delight. In a group and no hard out galloping.
Still you have a really strong attitude and I hope you find a nice quiet horse who will tune into you as you will to him or her. Take care and be aware of the good and bad days.
I'm glad you got the opportunity to get on and live your dream once again even if once.
I;m excited about my search, but sad about my Mercy. But living RA changes so much. We have to listen to our bodies. My body needs a quieter horse :)