I am so sorry that you do not have support from your husband. Maybe you can get him to come to your DR appointments with you so he can ask questions and get a better feel for the seriousness of this disease. There are also some websites that he may be willing to read through so he better understands.

My husband has been going to my rheumatologist appointments with me from day one. He has had his fair share of questions about things.

This disease is so hard not only on us as patients, but for our loved ones. They also are dealing with lots of changes in the dynamics of the relationship and according to my husband, feelings of inadequacies since he can't make it all better. He has his share of concerns, frustrations and fears not knowing what the future holds, but having him read as much info on the disease and attend my appointments has helped him better understand.
I hope you can get some support soon! Hugs!

Sorry your husband is not supportive. I think sometimes others don't realize that we are in pain and that the FATIGUE is awful. I wish there were a movie or someting we could have them watch!

Hang in there, we are here for you.

Sadly, I went through this with my husband. I got RA badly in 1999, and it took till 2009 for him to wake up and see how I was suffering.

That was the year I had my foot reconstructed from the mess RA made of it. He saw what the surgery did, and had to wait on me for 6 weeks till I was able to touch down with the foot.

Then I went through a lot of med failures, and he realized I was not being "lazy" although I admit I sometimes think I am.

This year has been one long med failure. He has had to put me in and out of the wheelchair, make dinners (well, buy stuff from the deli!) and even when I improved a lot on prednisone he still has to cut the veggies for me. To say nothing of cleaning the house.

I agree he needs to come to the rheumatologists office with you. Nothing scarier for a man, than seeing a doctor record all the swollen joints, and give you cortisone shots.

I also wonder if getting some material for him to read on RA might help. He might be under the wrong impression that you have a bit of OA in a few joints.

Just be sure you don't ever yell at him, "I wish you could live in my body for just one day and experience the pain I am in." It just makes them madder! LOL

My hubby is very supportive but he doesn't really understand it. He does try to though. I would be lost without him. My family other than him don't get it at all.... My brother told me I didn't have real RA, and it has taken more than 6 years for my mother to even say the word RA. Really strange the denial out family goes into bc they don't want to face it.
This disease affects my hubby nearly as much as it does me.... just in different ways. It's taken a lot of communication.
I have CFS as well. And the fatigue is the hardest part to understand....especially for them. I think they don't come to an understanding until they want to.... maybe your doctor can get through to them... I don't know.

Thanks for the suggestions I'll try to see if I can get him to go to rheumatologist with me but I honestly don't see him doing it. I think he thinks it's all made up. I have suggested helook up facts about it but he never has. I realize this affects him almost as much he thinks I just don't want to be with him anymore. I recen started on humira and I am hoping for a big improvement so maybe I can get back to doing those little things a little at a time.

My husband has never gone to any of my Rheum appointments. He has never gone to any of my medical appointments, except for bringing me when I got shoulder surgery, and it was required. And, for 2 weeks after the surgery, he did drive me to/from my PT appointment & taking the stitches out.

He shows very little interest in the Dr appointments, lab results, etc., etc. I know he cares, but I think he would like to bury his head in the sand, and not know what is going on. For him, ignorance is bliss. But, he never really cares if I cook or not. Frankly, I think it is because I am not a good cook, and then he can heat up a can of soup. As long as he has clean cloths to wear, he is happy.

Angela, if you really are feeling like you "don't want to be with him anymore" as you say in #5, you have to address this. Would he go to marriage counseling with you? If you're interested in that route, see if you can find someone with experience working with those with chronic illnesses.

I don't think anyone who hasn't lived it can really understand how our lives have changed. If your husband won't even try, or is angry about the reduction in domestic services or whatever, that's not fair to you.

"Nothing scarier for a man than seeing a doctor record all the swollen joints...." Really? How about 2 cents from a husband/man?
My wife went to my first Rheumatologist visit to get the diagnoses.....has not been back since. Most PEOPLE don't enjoy seeing their spouse in a situation they cant control. I believe it is easier for my spouse to ignore the problem.....she doesn't even ask about the content of my last Dr. visit anymore.
Yes I still work 60hrs a week and I still fight the fatigue most days and she rolls her eyes when I'm ready to go home a 9pm from some charity function. I keep the rest of the issues to myself and that is how we survive.
I'm sorry but I just wanted say all men aren't all men.
Hope you get some support and some relief soon

Ray - I am sorry. and I understand, about the lack of support. Again, ignorance can be bliss for some people. I don't know how many here are old enough to remember the safety drills in school - if the nuclear bomb was dropped, we were all to get under our desks for safety? Yeah,that sure would work - much like our families hiding from what issues we have to deal with.

Fortunately, my wife is very supportive. Sorry your spouse is not Angela. Try this; rent the movie An American Werewolf in London to watch with hubby. When it gets to where the American is staying at the nurses apartment on the full moon and his body changes to a werewolf let it run through the change and then stop it, re-wind and before hitting play again explain that this is exactly what my joints and body feels like is happening but very, very slowly. Maybe that'll get the message through. Wish you the best!

Sorry, Ray! I should not be so sexist! I know there are men in this forum, but a lot more women.

I just know when my hubby or kids were sick, I was the "go to" person. I never accused anyone of being "not sick," or ignored it. In fact, in my husband's case, he even tries to ignore his own illnesses, and I have to intervene, take him to the doctor and get him help. For 35 years!

I'm sorry you wife is not more helpful, but I guess we have to live with what we are given!

No problem Marlene.....just pointing out that "all" men aren't all men. When my wife had breast cancer I attended EVERY Dr. visit, every chemo, every visit with the plastic surgeon and almost every radiation treatment ( neighbors begged to help out by taking her a couple times). I cooked, did the dishes and laundry (didn't say I did them well), changed her dressings, cleaned her drain tubes filled out her charts for the next Dr. visit. All while working 50 hours and keeping up with the yard work.

Not saying it's my turn now, but a little empathy would be nice. I guess I sound almost needy.

Oh well presenting a minority viewpoint.

sorry .....it seems I've high jacked this post. I didn't intend to...sorry.

Ray, it sounds like you are a loving and devoted husband. And, no, you do not sound needy! We know what you mean.

Ray, having lived for more than 10 years without an ounce of empathy from my husband, I do understand how much it hurts. And I was lucky, because my daughter did have empathy, and was there for me, even dressing me and brushing my hair in the mornings, and washing my hair when it got dirty.

I really cried when she moved out to go to university. But luckily, it was shortly after that my husband woke up one day and realized how sick I was. Well, maybe that was this year, but much more concerned and helpful than during that long period after I first got RA. (He even helped me do the tree this year. We haven't had a Christmas tree in 4 years, because I could not do it all by myself.)