First, congratulations! I hope the birth went well and that both you and he are doing well, RA aside.

Second, have patience with yourself. At seven weeks postpartum you are without a doubt exhausted, hormonal, and all-in-all a bit freaked out by new motherhood. This has probably been the most intense seven weeks of your life: immense joy, immense doubt, wondering if you will ever have a life again, wondering how you ever lived without this little critter.

When my boys were tiny, my husband would fetch up the baby and bring him to me to nurse in bed. He would usually also change nighttime diapers before or after the kid ate, too. If your husband would be willing to help you with this, it would help with your fears of dropping the poor kid on his head.

Is the baby sleeping in another room, or do you have a bassinet in yours? Would it be possible to have him where you wouldn't have to get out of bed to get to him? Could the crib be higher or lower to make it easier for you?

No doubt you are a great mother!

So sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I can relate. I am frustrated too of what RA has robbed from me. I know taking meds while nursing is a choice for you and your dr. But I wanted to let you know that I started taking plaquenil again after delivery and all dr.s including pediatrician, obgyn, and fetal internal medicine and rheum cleared me to breastfeed while taking it. It does help me. I moved the bassinet against the bed so I did not have to stand up to reach her. My husband has had to bring her to me on rough nights...which has required some swatting to get him out of bed. Honestly, I am in better shape with RA than I was with my first baby because I had severe pubic symphysis dysfunction so I really couldn't walk and the pain much more intense.

I felt so bad last week because while I was lowering her body and head to set her on the changing table my wrists gave out and I dropped her abruptly on the table. Luckily the drop was only a few inches but she was startled. I cried.

We can't change who we are and our love is what's most important. I think RA has given me parenting strength in that I treasure moments more with my kids than before RA because I got a sense of how quick life is and delicate and realized what is most important to me, not my career, but my kids...

On the upside, your baby will likely sleep for longer stretches soon. Just hang in there. And do not think I am trying to discourage you at all because I am heck bent on nursing too. I did for my son and am now doing so for my 3 month old daughter. But if push comes to shove, breastfeeding is not all or nothing. I tell my friends without RA that happy mommy equals happy baby.

You are not alone. And I am sorry for your suffering. You are strong and have come so far. I am earlier in my disease and can't imagine having to go off meds to get pregnant, as I have only been on plaquenil and got diagnosed a couple years ago. But I can relate to the not being able to hold your baby or struggling because of RA. You can and are taking care of your baby. Just having some tough moments...and doing things in a different style.

I let myself get pissed, have bad days, but constantly remind myself the roller coaster will drop down the hill and tomorrow or next week or at some point it will be easier. Take care!

One of our daughters was unable to breastfeed. She even would try to pump the milk, very little would come out. She tried very hard, but was not something that worked out. She felt like a failure. By 4 weeks, the baby was on formula. The baby is now 2 1/2, and has never been sick. She is very bright, knows her numbers up to 14, knows her colors, etc. While I think breast milk is best, it sometimes is not meant to be.

I'm a lot older than you are, but I just wanted to encourage you. First of all, I admire you so much for your faith in God at your young age. Actually, when I had our second child, I suffered postpartum depression, which led to my turning to The Lord for the first time in my adult life. He changed my life!

You sound like you have several things in your favor....one is your strong marriage and the fact that your husband is so helpful and supportive. The other is your faith and relationship with The Lord. He will be your mainstay.

The others have offered great practical tips for getting through this time. Having your husband bring the baby to you to nurse in bed was my first thought. Also having his bassinet or crib next to you would be another option. I know it will work out.

Treasure this time. I longingly remember what it was like, and sometimes wish I could go through it again, having a baby to love. That's why it's so hard on me having my grandchildren so far away from me.

Please keep us posted on how you're doing! God bless you!

Thank you. I'm sorry that you guys have gone through this but I have to say, what a blessing to know someone else out there can relate.
Last night was the worst it's been since having jack ( my son). I cried the the whole time and then laid in bed crying still, andnl couldn't sleep cause the pain.
Jack is in our room just off to the far side.
I'm gunna ask my Rheumy about plaquenil and see if i could do that.
I've heard the flare is worse first 3-4 months after having a baby, I really hope it gets better.
Thanks again so much, just knowing I'm not alone is helpful.

Sorry to hear you are going through this. And I would urge you to see about Plaquenil.

I had my 4 children before RA, but there are always glitches of some type! I only was really successful with breast feeding with one child. My oldest was a premie, and had no sucking reflex. I expressed milk for a month, before I gave up.

The second and the fourth I got severe and painful breast infections. I tried to persist and continue to breast feed but the infections just kept spreading and I was sick of being on antibiotics. I felt so bad, until I met a friend in the grocery store one day, who also had just had her 4th child and suffering from constant infections and had to stop nursing. Just being able to share our pain really helped. So yes, support is essential.

So even someone without RA (yet) can have issues, even though different. I was devastated with the first child. I felt like I had failed him! But being a mother is so much more than just breast feeding. And when I had to use a bottle, I always held them close and snuggled them.

I also have severe RA when it is untreated. My husband has to do so much for me. Having a new baby would be a terrible burden, on top of the pain and disability. BUT, it is stil a wonderful experience. Nothing can replace the joy of being a mother for me, and I know God is going to bless and keep you through this.

As for being mad at God - don't worry - he can take it - He is a BIG God. He knows your pain and hurts. He understands post partum hormonal swings better than we do. Just keep praying, read your Bible, and God is going to use this difficult period of your life not only to change you closer to his image, but perhaps create a ministry out of what you are going through.

if you are enjoying the breastfeeding and so is baby then keep going, if you can.

maybe the endorphins will kick in and give you some sort of partial natural immunity to the ra pain.

if there is anytime in the entire world that I would choose to go back to, it is that time. it's truly magical.

congratulations. you are doing a great job.

don't despair. alto's words were comforting. re-read them.

I did the family bed also. i did not bother with a crib. i fed on demand. I did not bother with schedules. the united states is NOT breastfeeding positive so it will be easy to hear the folks who will go on and on and on and on about how you are spoiling the baby or how breastfeeding is gross. tune em out. if you have good milk and can keep going, go for it. if you can't, don't beat yourself up. sleep when he sleeps.

depot

altoclef speaks wisdom

I hear/read the hormonal changes happening in your post, please recognize this yourself because they will re-regulate and things will be better mentally. Breast feed as long as possible but not so long as to tearing yourself apart mentally and physically. Be your own advocate and that means being your own advocate with yourself. Do not feel guilty, that is in no way productive and serves no good purpose for anyone.

Prayers for you! I feel that my ability to care for and engage with my youngest has been very affected by this....well, no one will call it RA yet, but I sure isn't OA! It hurts to lift him. I can't carry him as far. He is 5 now so doesn't need me to do it as often, but he still needs it some and I have to do what I can or accommodate where I can. I have an 8 month old grandbaby now and of course the joint pain and unpredictability of how much strength my hands will have or maintain is worse now than even when my youngest was little. So I do worry about picking him up and holding him. I take extra precautions, sitting with him, letting my daughter hand him to me. Hang in there!

I don't really have much to offer as I didn't get RA until yrs after I had kids .
All I want to say is that I'm so impressed by the wonderfull and kind words of support you've gotten from people on this site and best of luck to you.God Bless.,Kathy

Congratulations on your bundle of joy! Please,please, please know you are doing a wonderful job. Your son loves and adores you and your bond will only grow stronger over time.
I have 3 kiddos (14, 12 and 9). I breastfed them all and they all slept in bed w/ hubby and I. That worked for us. Find the easiest thing that works and do that. What other people think of you is none of your business :).
It will all work out. Crying is completely normal and expected! Don't be hard on yourself, take it easy.
All the best

Juls