as hard as this might seem, I learned the hard way that alone is better than being with the wrong one. So sorry you are hurting right now, but I have seen that the right one can come along even when chronic disease gets in the way.
Hang in there......

thanks for the support. Brings tears to my eyes. I am just in so much emotional pain over this but it's gone on far too long.

It's actually more lonely with the wrong one, plus it's a dead end street.
At least alone, you have hopes of finding the right one and not depending on someone that will only let you down further.

Let it liberate you after you mourn what was never going to be.

thanks bcatz. That is very uplifting. I appreciate it and yes. It has been very lonely waiting on him, wondering if he's with her or really wants me. catching him in his lies (I have participated in some very sneaky behavior to catch him). It's been a mess. I will miss him but I'm asking God for strength and to intervene so that I won't contact him and so he doesn't contact me.
One day, actually right now, one minute at a time.

Everyone is right being with the wrong guy is worse than being alone. Take time for yourself now! Get a manifest/pedi get a massage. It really will be okay liars never change! Keep up with the support group we are here for u!!
Xoxo

I thought he was the right guy. We had such a great time together, got along great together, laugh and work on projects together and had an ability to just "be" without having to work too hard at it. I lived in his house for 12 days in February when a dog I was caring for got hit by a car. It was such a great experience and I really thought we were headed for a more permanent relationship; however through it all has been the stress and pressure of the ex-girlfriend just outside the picture and the lies from him about spending time with her (once on his birthday).
We just got back from 2 days out of town to see my doctor, had a great trip, but I've felt him pulling away for the past few weeks. Then he told me she called him 14 times yesterday! Not once did he tell her to stop or leave him alone.
That's when I finally told him I can't do this anymore. She won't leave him alone and he won't tell her off. They aren't done. He says he is waiting for her to end it, but then I find e-mails from him to her saying he wants her to be his angel again and confessing his undying love for her. Makes me wanna puke.
I am better off, I just need to remember all this as I begin to miss him over the next days weeks and beyond.

Make yourself a list - of all of the bad things - the lies, the emails (write down what he told her), the way it felt to have your heart broken, the way you couldn't count on him (if he's lying, he's not trustworthy) - tape it to your bathroom mirror - anytime you feel yourself "missing him", go read that list - out loud, to yourself (also, begin each morning reading it) - it will help you to see what the relationship really was, not the part where you miss him and remember 12 days you were happy living at his place, etc. It's painful, but long term, it'll help you to move past this.

any relationship that causes more stress and pain than it does positive things isn't worth it - in the first year I was diagnosed, several toxic relationships got purged from my life - and I've not regretted it. With RA, (at least for me), I only have a certain amount of energy to spend and I'm certainly not going to spend it on trying to catch someone lying to me, wondering what they are doing, fighting, arguing, etc. It serves me much better to spend my energy on positive and good things - even if I am alone :)

big hugs

Tort

Nomorera-I completely understand stressful relationships and flare ups. It seems whenever I argue with my spouse I have a huge flare up. It's difficult to manage when the person is in your face daily. I love my hubby to death but I won't hesitate leaving if I feel my health is at risk. He's since calmed down but I'm looking with a watchful eye.
Good luck to you- there's still good men out there with no baggage. The ex-girlfriend must not be too much since she can't seem to find a new man. An ex is an ex in my book...as my 21 year old niece quotes..I don't chase em' I replace em'...lol.

I've made it over 24 hours. I did send him a goodbye e-mail after he called and left a message last night saying I owed him the dignity of a call to explain why I broke it off so suddenly (however he didn't want to talk when I called him to break it off) - men...

My RA symptoms are better today. The swelling is down and I feel better overall. I'm tired but I think that goes along with the emotional upheaval. I'm sad but that's because I invested so much of myself into what i had hoped to be a lasting and loving relationship.
I have been monitoring his e-mails for months and the final straw was when he told her how much he wanted his angel back and that "Allie will not be a long term partner". That was the final straw. Those e-mails are my proof that i am doing the right thing. Even though I was in the wrong by spying on him....

Thanks again everybody. I love your support.

Stay strong...and be totally prepared to be weak. I know, sounds so contradictory. You are going to want to cave like crazy yet the only way he will want just you is if she isn't in the picture at all. Tell yourself NO...when you are strong, write emails to yourself as to why you are NOT going to go back to him. Read them when you are weak.

Focus on you - however you can. Call a girlfriend that you haven't seen (probably because you've been trying so hard with him) and go out for dinner or lunch. Don't even talk about him. Talk about you and your friends life. Delve into something other than him!
And good luck!!

Spying (the emails) is indefensible. But who in the hell gives a shit what it takes to be free of a b*****d. Good job, nomorejerk.

a couple of last e-mail exchanges. My RA swelling is worse in my hands this morning but I'm pretty emotional still. Walking through a break up is not easy. I am feeling a little relief though. He is letting me go alot easier than in times past and that makes it easier for me to walk away. He's not baiting me and I'm not biting. He wants "her" and we both know it. I know there are good things in store for me.
I just need to remember what a lying cheating man he is. He is unreliable and untrustworthy. I don't deserve that. What makes me think I do? Yes Roxy spying is indefensible and I am in some ways sorry for it, but it exposed him for who he was in black and white and the evidence is indisputable. She can have him. Why would I want that in my life?