Hang in there ..and you are rite , it doesnt seem fair ...you will read many people here feeing teh same way as you do , not that it helps that part go away , but it does help not feeling like your emotions are un justified ...its been wo years since i went back tot eh rheumy ..after seven long years of waiting for teh beast to show it s face ..and now it did ..so i think the sense of lost time can make one feel very very angry ...as a few of these kind ladies will tell you to not look back , look forward and live in the moment .the best you can anyways . I am angry as well , i just found a great galleryt aht took me years to find and to be entered ..now i have a disease that may stop me from painting .and just life in genral as i knew it ..so try try try to stay calm about what you read , ask questions when tou need to , take breaks from the RA world to re group and i guess be thankfull they found out what is happenng with you befoer to much damage is done ..hang in there ...we are all here if and when you need to talk or vent .

Stephgas- I am sorry you are hurting and having such a difficult time right now. I can understand your frustration and I agree it is not fair. Saying that is not being childish but stating fact. Unfortunately, life usually isn't fair and we can't change that.

Remember that the MTX can take up to 12 weeks to work. I know that is 12 weeks too long when you are hurting. Maybe you can keep your prednisone at an effective dose for another 9 weeks and then see how you feel? May be worth asking your rhuemy. Also, it is not uncommon that people need more than one medication to help them. I would ask your rhuemy how long does he/she wait until she makes a med change such as an increase or addition of another drug. At least this gives you some dates and a plan to follow. I know I hate not having a clear plan in my head for anything!

Do you take a NSAID to help reduce your pain on a daily basis? I know this helps me. Not all the time but it helps me get through the things I need to.

I hope you start feeling better soon. You know we are here if you need us! Gentle {{{{HUGS}}}}

Lori

P.S. ..as how I see it , Im a wise person , have done alot in my life ..i came her for help and help i found from sme amazing people ..i thought i knew alot about life , but i must say i have leanred more from DS and the people here in a short period of time so this is a bad disease with good people in it ...im glad that we all can come her for what evr it is we need to say . thank you!

you know, it's funny. but after i finished writing this i was grumpy and pissed and sitting on the couch. i finished my coffee and sat back. and my middle-child-cat samantha jumped up on my shoulder, snuggled down, and started purring in my ear. she does this a lot (when i'm on the couch, lying in bed, sitting at my desk - anytime she can snuggle around my head and rub her face on mine) but the timing of this was perfect. so now she's purring in my ear and making muffins on my neck. which is nice.

i was talking to my husband about this over the weekend. i already have $43K in student loans, two semesters left for my BS, and then another two years for my masters program. and who knows how long i'll be able to work? it's like it will be a huge offing waste of money. he told me that if that's what i wanted to do, i had to go do it. forget about the money, forget about what RA might do to me later - go for it.

that's hard for me to fathom, i guess. my depression had convinced me that i'd be dead by 30 (either from drug overdose or suicide) and i ended up getting help at 29. so it feels like i'm on borrowed time sometimes. the idea of spending all this money, going into so much more debt, just because i want to do a job that i might not be able to do forever, it seems silly. i don't know.

i feel like i'm rambling. i also have considered finding a couple's therapist that has experience with chronic illnesses. has anyone done something like that? because this doesn't just affect me, it affects our marriage and my husband.

Be sure you are taking folic acid. I'm sure your dr prescribed it.

As for your degree - no waste of time. You should feel better before the current semester is up, or soon after.
KEEP IN MIND - we can go at any time. You know you have a chronic disease, but people have horrible disabling things happen in a flash. It's never a waste to do something that will ultimately contribute to humanity, help others, and make a direct impact on your life, your self esteem, and your family!
In a way, people with RA take better care of themselves, watching weight, not overdoing it, sleeping as needed, exercising, etc. We are aware. This may contribute to us actually being better suited for the life ahead of us than others are.

Hi stephgas -
Not sure about a couple's therapist, BUT I do know this, if it wasn't for MBDs2 and her strong will to both keep and make me better, I would not be writing this post.
We didn't want this "stuff" and neither did our other half, but the vow is for better or worse. Keep hubby involved as much as he can be and for pete's sake, go get your BS and move into the MS. Your life has not stopped, it's just different, a new normal.

Peace to you and all who read
Bluedogs2

Sorry about the side effects and the fact that a person has to wait for so long for relief

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. And you are right - it simply is not fair, and it's normal to be angry -- who wouldn't be when you're in pain! As others have said, it will get better in time but sometimes takes way too long it seems. I also take MTX; what I do is take half my pills on Saturday evening right after dinner and the other half the next morning with breakfast - this was a suggestions from the rheumy's office to help offset digestive side effects and I have always done it that way. I always make sure to have a substantial meal when I take the pills, and never on an empty stomach. I also try to drink a lot of water. Everyone's different, of course, but this has worked well for me.

Please hang in there; you have come so far and it will get better. Go for your dream.

Hang in there.

I did notice some improvement after 3 weeks...."some" being the key word. It won't happen over night. As Lori said, it can/does take 12 weeks to be in full effect.

I'd ask about the injections though...without the nausea and such you might feel better than you realize.

I wish i had some words that would help, but I don't. I don't understand this at all, I ask myself WHY ME all the time which is not the right thing to do but sometimes thats all I have. It does help if your family understands that you are not the same person you used to be. I hope that you finf something that makes you fell better and if you do please share. Wishing you a great day!

Gentleness ... a VERY key word that has eluded me and is most appropriate for us all as we conduct our self analysis of self worth while figuring out our new normal

Well Done RASally, very well done and appropriately stated.

Peace
Bluedogs2

The couples therapist who has experience with chronic illness might be a great resource, even if his only job right now is to tell you that yes, it sucks, and that you are doing as well as you can with it. With a history of what sounds like pretty awful depression, it makes sense to line up all the resources you can just in case you ever need them, and we pray you don't.

The "no baseline" thing is very true, especially for those of us that are newer to this pile of poop. I feel worse now than I did before starting MTX about 18 months ago, but I don't know what I would feel like without it either. With prednisone, once it lessened the screaming pain in a few joints I started noticing the more subtle pain in others that had been drowned out by the screaming.

Living with this is difficult, and the uncertainty is maddening, more so for some personality types than for others, I think.

About five years ago I was on prednisone when they thought I had Crohns disease and my hair stopped growing for a year. I've been on it for at least 8 months now and have spread out my hair spots but it is still growing this time around. Just FYI. If it did stop growing it wil eventually restart. :-)

Appointments not spots!!! Lol, like we don't have enough problems!!!

Stephgas,

I am so sorry for your difficulties. I sure wish I was able to take some of your pain away.

May I please add that you have a great sense of introspection and self honesty. And, you are absolutely right, it isn't fair for you to be hit with this giant disease after your extremely difficult time conquering depression. You should be commended for your ability to fight through this terrible disease.

You absolutely do not "sound like a baby" in the least. To me, you sound like a very intelligent, honest, hard working, friendly person who has had a terrible run of bad luck medically.

If you are asking for advice, I would offer that you should finish your school and obtain your degrees. It sounds like you have made a reachable goal and, keep in mind, you may not be able to finish this later in your life. Try to live so you don't have any regrets.

From reading your posts, I can tell that you are a strong woman. You have to be strong willed to deal with all of the issues that have been presented before you.

Just so you know, it is okay to be angry and tired of dealing with these problems. They are your emotions and, personally, I think most people would have the very same reaction if presented with these same issues. Also, your emotions are certainly normal. Do not feel bad about this in any way.

As far as your idea about looking into starting a couple's therapy program to help you and your husband deal with your chronic health disease, I think this is a wonderful idea. To be truthful with you, I could benefit from this as well. As I ponder your writing, I think that I always want to feel that I can handle everything and have control over my problems.

Unfortunately, I'm starting to realize that I do not have control any longer. My own health problems are starting to run my life as well.

You have been through a lot so you know what it takes. You just have to keep fighting and take the good days with the bad days.

You have so many good qualities. Your incredible self honesty has already made me rethink how I am personally dealing with my own medical problems. Thank you for that.

I guess that I want to simply say: keep up the good fight. Do it for yourself because you are worth it.

Warmest regards,
TheWino