Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group
Rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic, inflammatory, multisystem, autoimmune disorder. It is a disabling and painful condition which can lead to substantial loss of mobility due to pain and joint destruction. The disease is also systemic in that it often also affects many extra-articular tissues throughout the body including the skin, blood vessels, heart, lungs, and...
I need your help PLEASE!
This RA has taken everything from me and my husband. Our lives were good, normal you know. Good jobs, a home, we took a vacation at least once a year. We were happy! Then we started having pain and started going to doctors of course like everyone else it took us years and all our savings to finally find out we both have RA and a list of other things between us. We both held on to working as long as we could but the RA won out and now I'm on SSD and he is still waiting on some kind of answer on his. So until that happens we are trying to live on just my ssd and believe me it's not a lot. My life has ended up in a way I would not have ever dreamed. We are broke! Never thought I would need it but we are now on food stamps and we are lossing our house. Thank God for Section 8, we got approved now I just have to find a rent house and we have to move. OH, and after lossing health insurance due to loss of jobs I've also finally got my Medicare started so finally I'm able to get back on my RA meds. My SSD isn't enough to pay the bills and if not for my sisters help I don't know where we would be right now. I'm holding on as best as I can and everyday is an emotional struggle. Now here's the one that I need help with. I have to be the brave one in the home, my husband says its because of him being the man that its so hard on him to not be able to take care of his family and he's on the edge of a break down(or melt down) all the time. I have said to him that I need him to be strong for me sometimes too, That I need to be able to cry on his shoulder sometimes but I can't because all it does is makes him feel worse, it makes him cry and I am afraid for him but now he has turned to alcohol. The one thing I don't know if I can stand. He knows I hate it so now he hides it or trys to but he can't and the money! How can he spend what little we have on the one thing that is hurting US so bad? Plus it's not helping his depression at all. I have tried to talk nice to him about it and I've tried telling him I would pour it out if he got any more but today there he is! Drinking again! What do I do? I'm at a loss and just don't know where to turn. Does anyone have any idea what I need to try next? How do I help him? (and myself.)
Thank you and sorry for spilling my guts like this. I really need help!!
This RA has taken everything from me and my husband. Our lives were good, normal you know. Good jobs, a home, we took a vacation at least once a year. We were happy! Then we started having pain and started going to doctors of course like everyone else it took us years and all our savings to finally find out we both have RA and a list of other things between us. We both held on to working as long as we could but the RA won out and now I'm on SSD and he is still waiting on some kind of answer on his. So until that happens we are trying to live on just my ssd and believe me it's not a lot. My life has ended up in a way I would not have ever dreamed. We are broke! Never thought I would need it but we are now on food stamps and we are lossing our house. Thank God for Section 8, we got approved now I just have to find a rent house and we have to move. OH, and after lossing health insurance due to loss of jobs I've also finally got my Medicare started so finally I'm able to get back on my RA meds. My SSD isn't enough to pay the bills and if not for my sisters help I don't know where we would be right now. I'm holding on as best as I can and everyday is an emotional struggle. Now here's the one that I need help with. I have to be the brave one in the home, my husband says its because of him being the man that its so hard on him to not be able to take care of his family and he's on the edge of a break down(or melt down) all the time. I have said to him that I need him to be strong for me sometimes too, That I need to be able to cry on his shoulder sometimes but I can't because all it does is makes him feel worse, it makes him cry and I am afraid for him but now he has turned to alcohol. The one thing I don't know if I can stand. He knows I hate it so now he hides it or trys to but he can't and the money! How can he spend what little we have on the one thing that is hurting US so bad? Plus it's not helping his depression at all. I have tried to talk nice to him about it and I've tried telling him I would pour it out if he got any more but today there he is! Drinking again! What do I do? I'm at a loss and just don't know where to turn. Does anyone have any idea what I need to try next? How do I help him? (and myself.)
Thank you and sorry for spilling my guts like this. I really need help!!
You said "Thank God for Section 8". I take that to mean you believe in God...so turn to God. Go see your minister or a Stephen minister at church.
Please, get your RA meds and start feeling well, then take care of yourself first.
It's the Oxygen Mask Theory - help yourself, so you can help others that depend on you.
I am sorry this is so long but i feel you need to hear all. I noticed you thanked God , which is wonderful.. By knowing God you also know He doesn't make mistakes. He also will NOT put more on you than you can handle. Just trust and have faith in him. When you both are feeling up to it do something cheap like go to McDonalds, get ice cream cones, sit and eat them and find something to laugh about. Read about someone in worse shape than yourself.
You have so many reasons to scream, cry, and even complain. You just can't stay down. We are hear for you and please keep us up to date. Prayers and hugs being sent to you both. Hugs and prayers, Terri
And about the drinking - for a while I was drinking a bit more than usual. I even mentioned it to my doctor, saying that it helped the pain more than the painkillers did. This might be the case with your husband, not that it means it's good for him. I just know that I did it not out of an emotional need, but just to get my joints to stop hurting so much. I just know that you both need help, so see if you can get into a therapist. Maybe couples counseling would help both of you, and you guys could talk to each other about this in a safe enviromnent. Losing your mobility is a hard thing to cope with, and some people cope better than others. You seem to be coping well, and your husband not so much. I'll keep you guys in my prayers.