I think a person should know something about statutes of limitations in their state.

..and I just realized there were more pages on this to read. :) I'll be back to this.

I think it should be a really tall guy with a ponytail and tattoos.

:) agreed

Agreed with Starbuck

Hahahahahahaha Starbuck, you crack me up. If I had met Matt as a fish (even though I know he is fab and really lovely) I think I might have freaked just a little bit

Well... I think I needed things in reverse. When I first started with Dr. Miller I needed her to be really smart and really competent. I wasn't at all able to connect with her soft compassionate side until later when she had already proved to me that she knew what she was talking about and could offer some real help to me.

I bounce back and forth... and because of my work (with kids' MH crisis), I think about this a lot... the balance between being clear and direct and gathering information about safety and functioning and what is "clinically" needed versus the fact that there is a human person in pain and distress who needs connection.

For myself, I found therapists who only used "manualized" treatment approaches... for example, who *only* did cognitive processing therapy or who *only* did DBT and who did those things *by the book* to be very ineffective for me. I think this is more about me feeling unseen. I know "cookie cutter" approaches for most things don't work very well for me and I balked at the sensation that the manual was "protecting" the therapist.

I interviewed a potential therapist who sounded good on paper, but didn't exude *any* sense of being able to offer a safe container. When I briefly described my history and treatment, I could see his eyes get bigger and there was an almost-palpable sense of fear in the room. Not a good fit, that one.

What I found most helpful was a long-standing therapy relationship with someone who had the clinical skills to keep nudging toward healing/trauma resolution while honoring my day-to-day experience of feeling overwhelmed, intruded upon by my symptoms/memories, and needing some heart-level nourishment.

What didn't work for me *at all* was someone who tried to relate to my experience by telling me their own story of being exposed to (someone exposed themselves to her) while she was jogging. And more than once, she kept telling me this story when I tried to talk about what happened... Clearly she needed some space to do her own work with whatever was going on for her.

I definitely wants someone who knows their stuff, who exhibits a high level of competence, without being "cold". Cold doesn't do it for me at all.

But at the same time, I don't do well with "pure empathy" therapists either... I don't want someone to pat my hand and tell me how horrible all that must have been.

I want someone who will meet me on the journey and walk with me, and be around to throw a rope if I get stuck somehwere... perhaps teach me how to read the map better so I'm less likely to get stuck next time.

Brit, for YOU, I'd cut off the ponytail.

I want positive exercises. I absolutely HATE the negative my therapy focuses on. It's always pointing out the negatives I think about my self. I don't want to continually talk and think about it. I am soooo tired of telling what happened. I had to tell the SARC the investigations guys who I actually knew pretty much because I used to work with them and journal it and talk to the special victims advocate then tell her in person then I have to write in full detail what I was thinking feeling smelling everything then I have to testify in an article 32 hearing which is pre court Marshall then ill have to testify in the court Marshall I'm just so done with telling everyone when I first said I need help and to report it I had waited a year for a reason I wanted to forget and didn't want to talk about it much and then in a few months I feel like I've had to announce it to the entire world so I feel like its just stamped on my forehead and oh yea I had to inprocess a girl who knew I was her unit security manager and then she was the prosecuting attourneys assistant and it was so humiliating to tell this story to her as well. I just want someone to talk to me about life every once in a while and I always have homework that focuses around it and I get so negative when I do it that I start to s ap at my husband or cut him off intimately all together. I will not sacrifice my life. Every few sessions sure but not all the time.

Today, Dr. Chandler told me something amazing. He has four DID clients. I have met two of them. He has decided to start group sessions with us. I am so excited about it. The others have been dealing in therapy much longer than I. One of them has integrated her multiples. I hope to learn from them. How does this tie in with this post? Because a great therapist has to be willing to think outside the box. See a thing w with potential and make it happen. I appreciate that about him.