Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
Given some, er, recent events (apparently someone thought RAR seemed like a good place to pull over his truck and dump his accumulated garbage on our lawns, and then giggle about our offense at it), let me say a few things, and then move us all along, 'kay?
Please use caution when approached online. RAR, at its best, feels like a nice place to be, but that doesn't mean some rats won't try to crash the party now and then. I don't think it means newcomers have to jump through hoops and audition like American Idol to get accepted, but I do think it's reasonable to be "politely watchful" to ascertain the intentions of joiners. They aren't all going to be super-cool awesome. This is still the internet; don't hand out phone numbers to strangers. And remember, adding someone as a "friend" on DS entitles them to see a LOT of personal journals and chats. There is nothing rude about declining friend requests (you don't even have to message to explain it; it's perfectly fine to just "ignore" and move on); I get a ton of them a week from people I've never interacted with. If I don't know them and have no idea why we're supposed to be friends, I don't accept them.
One issue that came up was a suspicion that the earlier provocateur may have been a fake account devised by someone else on DS to purposefully bring strife to me, which would explain the aggressive denunciation by group members in my behalf. I appreciate that. But let me reiterate, to: I do have a couple of people on DS with personal feelings of hate toward me, and my position about that is to ask that their provocations simply be ignored with total indifference. The person earlier today appropriated my name and city on purpose (taken from my book Bio) to further upset people, which is about as low as one can get. I'm really sorry that some of you, about whom I care VERY deeply, were affected by his gruesome behavior. My suggestion of a more vigilant caution is NOT a hint of blame for ANY of you, just a reminder to use conventional internet self-protection.
Please, be safe.
Please use caution when approached online. RAR, at its best, feels like a nice place to be, but that doesn't mean some rats won't try to crash the party now and then. I don't think it means newcomers have to jump through hoops and audition like American Idol to get accepted, but I do think it's reasonable to be "politely watchful" to ascertain the intentions of joiners. They aren't all going to be super-cool awesome. This is still the internet; don't hand out phone numbers to strangers. And remember, adding someone as a "friend" on DS entitles them to see a LOT of personal journals and chats. There is nothing rude about declining friend requests (you don't even have to message to explain it; it's perfectly fine to just "ignore" and move on); I get a ton of them a week from people I've never interacted with. If I don't know them and have no idea why we're supposed to be friends, I don't accept them.
One issue that came up was a suspicion that the earlier provocateur may have been a fake account devised by someone else on DS to purposefully bring strife to me, which would explain the aggressive denunciation by group members in my behalf. I appreciate that. But let me reiterate, to: I do have a couple of people on DS with personal feelings of hate toward me, and my position about that is to ask that their provocations simply be ignored with total indifference. The person earlier today appropriated my name and city on purpose (taken from my book Bio) to further upset people, which is about as low as one can get. I'm really sorry that some of you, about whom I care VERY deeply, were affected by his gruesome behavior. My suggestion of a more vigilant caution is NOT a hint of blame for ANY of you, just a reminder to use conventional internet self-protection.
Please, be safe.
Seriously, thanks for the caution, Matt.
With that said when ONE of OUR own behaves in opposition in posts towards those who they have seen, hugged and KNOW they are trustworthy human beings..... for SOMEONE who just flakes onto RAR......Matt , this needs to be addressed. WE have members of this board who were doing ALL of us a service. Personally they showed me that I was not going to have to endure yet ANOTHER wayward posters perverted sense of fun...causing RAR to turn into a haven for that sort of thing.
Delete what you deem necessary Matt. I am saying that with utmost respect of the position you find yourself in....but let us hash this through...we all DESERVE to know who we can count on.
Peace
Please be careful and trust the ones that you know. If you disagree with someone, please be courteous to go to them in private to voice your greivance. It hurts when you blast people on a public forum.
I am very happy when people find their way here for the right reason. I wish they didn't need to be here. This is a wonderful place for support.
Can I just say, not to offend the younguns on this board that age and life experience count for something..and it's not likely a longterm 'elder' (as Matt calls us) would react in that way this morning if she hadn't been thoroughly CONVINCED that this deviant was up to no good here. I think that those who 'blasted' our elder publicly should be saddened by the turn of events of that post and NOT the elder herself.
Matt can remain neutral in this...we are all adult *cough Kardy*...aww hell Kardy jump in with us old fogies.:)
We are all supposed to be here for ourselves, but also FOR EACH OTHER. This place is somewhere we come to be in the company of people who love us, know us, care about US, and to spit on that is something, that I personally find unforgiveable. RAR is a place that we all can come together with the unique opportunity to fight PIECES OF SHIT like that, and be in it T O G E T H E R. We were NOT in it together, there were a few that decided not rocking the boat, and staying "nuetral" and even staying on the side of the pervert was more important that defending your friends, your LOVED ONES.
I understand that there is a fine line between seeming welcome and attracting new members, and opening ourselves up for bullshit. But, when the majority of us are feeling red flags, THAT is what we as a group should listen to. Staying indifferent on a topic does not benefit anyone but YOURSELF. If you see wrongdoing, shady business, anything that strikes you as odd, that could potentially damage someone you love, you have the RESPONSIBILITY, not the right, the responsibility to take a stance and say "no, that will nto be tolerated here amongst my friends." That goes for everything, arguements, this perv that sneaked on here to cause trouble, anything and everything in life, you have a responsibility to call out wrong-doing, or else you're hurting the victims of those attacks.
And to call out the person who was able to act on her gut, and be CORRECT...did i say that enough...SHE WAS RIGHT!!! is totally and completely out of line.
Vigilant is NOT the same as hyper-vigilant, as some of us were referred to today. Theres a huge difference.
So I'm glad that Leitha had our backs. I haven't had the privilege of meeting her in person and sharing tears and hugs (but I hope to at the next retreat) but she has proven herself wise and trustworthy to me.
Don't think I'm making a whole lot of sense here. I just want to thank all of you who didn't discount all the red flags. Thanks for helping to make this a safe place.